Exhale

Christ was born about this time about 2,000 years ago. Well, I guess we don't know when He was born. Us Christians celebrate His birth this time of year though. It's my favorite time of year, hands down. I have always loved Christmas. It's insane for sure, though. Shopping. Planning Christmas events, then there's just trying to take it all in. I like to soak up every bit of Christmas I can. This year, we went to the River of Lights, which was awesome. We went to a Christmas Eve church service at Sagebrush Community Church. We had Christmas morning breakfast at Lindsey's parent's house, then we had some more food and opened presents at my parent's house. Christmas was chaotic. Still, I'm glad I didn't have to work.

Work... There's a crap-ton of stuff that I'm worrying about. Work's one of them. I just want to be able to enjoy life. Time is flying by so fast. I feel that I'm in turbo mode and the months are just going just as fast as they came. Slow down. I need to slow down. I want to slow down. I'm worried about advancing my career. I'm thinking about being a good man to my wife and son (soon to be two sons).

Writing is a way for me to slow down. My writing sucks, but it's always been a source of therapy for me. I used to have a sketch book that I used to journal my thoughts onto. There were no sketches, just my scribblings of that was happening in my life at that time. I think I threw those journals away because most of the writings I had where about who I was crushing on at the time, now I'm married and I felt that those writings are useless in my life now. Anyway, writing feels good to me. I can take a breath and just exhale words.

Here's an exhale. Today, I went to church at Sagebrush. I met Jon and Amanda there. We studied Judges 6 and 7 today, the story of Gideon. Gideon was chosen by God to do great things. It's so crazy, because Gideon had so much doubt in this story. I can relate to that so much. God had a plan for Gideon, but Gideon questioned God over and over in this chapter. In the first part of the story, "an angel of the Lord" appeared to Gideon and told him he the Lord is with him and refereed to Gideon as "mighty hero". (I wonder if it wasn't an angel at all but Jesus himself because in this conversation "the angel" is then refereed to as "the Lord".) Gideon doubted. He asked, if the Lord is with us, then why are all these bad things happening. What a question! Why are all these bad things happening today? The Lord is with us? Really? Why do I feel sad sometimes then? It's hard to tell if God is there sometimes. I mean, if you're a Christian at least... If you're not a Christian, then you are already convinced that He's not there.

But for me, I believe in God. I feel He exists. I believe he created me and this Universe that I live in. It's hard sometimes to see good in the world. I'm an American, so I have it good anyway, and I probably shouldn't complain. But I do. Life is hard sometimes. Life seems unfair sometimes. I wonder why my career isn't progressing like I would like it. I wonder why I don't have time to do the things I really enjoy to do. I wonder why I don't have a schedule that allows me to spend more time with my son and with my wife. Sometimes I push through life and wonder where God is in all of this. Sometimes I don't feel anything, and I hate it. You're with me, God? Then prove it. Gideon asked God to prove himself in this story. Apparently it wasn't out of line, either. God agreed and He decided to prove Himself. After the Lord came to Gideon, Gideon asked that He wait so that he could get an offering for Him. He wanted proof. Gideon got his proof, too. He brought his offering to the Lord, and the Lord touched the offering with the staff He was holding, and the offering was consumed with fire. This part of the story reminds me that God is holy. Holiness is something I think about sometimes, but I don't think I'll ever completely understand. God is holy. The holiness of God is described in parts of the Bible. God is perfect. God is infinite. God created this Universe, and my mind cannot comprehend the complexities of the Universe. What's even more insane is that the Universe is complex and it works and it's impossible to understand how the universe holds itself together, but inside this Universe there are mini universes within the vast Universe that we live in. The mini universes I'm talking about are the complex systems and rules that happen just on Earth. Plants. Plants use photosynthesis to convert energy from the sun to grow and live. They take carbon dioxide and convert it into oxygen. WTF?! This is crazy to me. Gravity. Gravity can be observed and it is there. We all know it. Why the F does gravity even exist in the first place? No one knows. We can observe it and we know some things about gravity. Gravity isn't even the most powerful force in the Universe. I don't know too much about the other forces, I remember hearing a little about it in a Startalk episode. I believe God made these things come to be. I believe God created this Universe. I believe God came up with Gravity and the human brain. The Creator is holy. I don't yet understand what that means. But there are moments in life when I kind of understand a little. God's holiness shows up.

So, it's okay to question things. I think that God will show Himself to us when we ask. God's knowledge is infinite. God knows where I'll end up. He knows how my story ends, and He knows I'll stress out about it. What's comforting to me is that God is holy and God is big. God created this Universe with his infinite wisdom, and God loves me. God hears me, even when I feel like I'm drowning in the middle of the ocean. God hears me and He cares.

Why Satan?

It snowed last night. Well, sort of. We saw big white flakes falling from the sky. There was a little bit of accumulation on our "grass". It was nice. We'll take what we can get here in Albuquerque. It started raining at about 7:30 or so, then it turned into snow at 9 or 10. The Sandias are covered in snow. I want to go up there this afternoon once Luke wakes up from his nap.

It's nice to have a moment to type on my keyboard about something that isn't IT related. I'm taking a class right now and I am enjoying it. There's a difference in typing for fun and typing as a requirement though. I try to make my papers fun though, that's when I get the best work done... So, I haven't written in this blog in a while. Time isn't as abundant before school. I'm not complaining. I'm enjoying taking these classes.

I do want to talk about today's talk at Sagebrush. We're still in the Survival Kit series. Today Pastor Todd talked about Satan. Lucifer. The Devil. I try to think about what someone who doesn't have spiritual belief thinks about The Devil. Ooooooooooooooo. The Devil. So scary. Christianity sounds kooky. I've talked about why I believe in Christ in previous blogs. Sometimes I put myself in the Atheist's shoes though. What I believe seems so foolish to an Atheist. If I was an Atheist I would probably dismiss myself. I'm not though. I'm a Christian.

So back to today's talk. I had some questions about The Devil. Lucifer means morning star. He's an Angel of light. He was created as an angel by God. Then he turned out to be totally rotten and convinced 33% of all the other created angels to join him. My biggest question is why God even allows Lucifer to exist. I know there's a plan, and to God, time isn't a binding factor. To God, Lucifer is already defeated. God knew that Lucifer would rebel even before He created him. So, why did God create him at all? Why did God allow evil to enter the Universe? These questions are what reinforces and Atheist's Atheism. For me they're questions I have. Today, we talked about who Lucifer is, and who Christ is. Lucifer is the accuser. Christ is the forgiver. Redeemer. It's easy to see the human condition. We're fatally flawed. Even while I was pulling into church, a fellow church goer honked her horn at me. I had some thoughts. I wanted to make things right. We're both flawed. Humanity is flawed. We need a savior. Religion doesn't need to point this out, it's obvious.

God's Love

Today I went to church and the message was on God. Yeah, funny idea, right? Preaching about God at church. That's what it was. I've been going to Sagebrush here in Albuquerque for the past couple of months. It's been a great experience for the most part. At first, I thought the pastor's jokes were lame... kind of a Larry the Cable Guy but with scripture verses. What I like the most out of my experiences with Sagebrush is that I am going with a friend. Our families have been meeting there almost every Sunday. It's a good thing.

Back to today's service--It was on God and how He's sovereign, omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent and that he loves us incredibly. We're starting the "Survival Kit" series this week. It's basically a teaching on the core foundation beliefs of the Christian faith. Today's question was "can you prove God's existence to an atheist?" Well, dang. That's a hard one.

Well, an atheist is an atheist because they have at least considered the idea of god or gods. You can't deny something that you've never considered. Some atheists, I'm sure, have thought long and hard about religion. What's proves God for me, though? The pastor today went over some of the most common analogies--The clock and other built things and compared them to the Universe and the human body. We can say that the human body and the Universe had no builder and that they just sorted out the way they sorted out of the period of 13.8 billion years.

I stand somewhere in the middle, I would say. Science allows us to search for answers to questions we have in nature. Science can answer many of our questions. I believe that God is right there in the midst of scientific explanations. Science gives us answers to origin of life and our Universe. The way these things come about make sense. There are rules that have to be followed in nature. The rules tell me that there's a Creator.

There's just so much more to life... I probably don't make a convincing case for God to any atheists.

There's more on my mind today, too. It was just a bad day overall. Our family was just completely out of sync. It was just a though day. I'm still trying to gather myself. Trying to get my anger under control.

What I'm trying to get sink in from the service today is God's love. Atheists think I'm crazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. But, I feel God's love.

Alone

I've got eye boogers, my glasses are dirty. It's hard to see right now. I've cleaned my glasses over and over and I've rubbed my eyes. I don't know what the heck is going on there. I need new glasses. I need some eye drops.

Completely not related to my vision issues right now, I want to talk about Hell. I'm just kidding. Well, sort of. I just read the chapter on Hell in The Problem With Pain by C.S. Lewis. Yeah, I'm still reading this book. It's taking me for fricking ever. In my defense, I'm stinking busy all the time. I work 10 hour days. I'm a dad and I'm a husband. I don't have time to read a book. Although, I'm making some time.

Time. I shouldn't have time to write in this ridiculously dumb block either. Lindsey is exhausted because she's pregnant, and she's a human, and humans become fatigued. Time is precious. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were still single. I remember all the time I had when I was single. I did whatever the hell I wanted to do. I slept in. I stayed out late. But, I was so damn lonely. I was ALONE. That sucked. I remember going to bed alone and it was insanely quiet. Silence. I would shuffle around in bed and wished for someone to hold. I have that now... I hold Lindsey every night, and it's awesome.

We have times when we're not in sync with each other. Sure. But we love each other. We love each other so much that we made another human. I guess people that love each other make other humans. It's science. Now we're expecting our second human. The new human should emerge sometime in early May. May the 4th is the exact expectation date of human emergence.

Yeah. May the 4th. Star Wars Day. Our son's name is Luke. We thought it would be amusing if we had a daughter human and we named her Leia. Luke and Leia. I would just hope they never make out with each other.

Being where I am is so strange to me. I'm 31. I'm an adult. I've been an adult technically for 13 years. That's trippy to me. Just today, we were driving home to Albuquerque from Moriarty and I was reminiscing with Lindsey about high school. I grew up in Moriarty and I remember listening to DC Talk (yeah, I was one of those Chrisians) and doing my geometry homework in my room. That was 14 years ago. I don't feel that I should be 31 years old. I graduated high school. I went to university. I got a job. I got married. I'm a father. This all just happened. And here I am. I'm a home owner. I'm married. I'm a father. This is life. It's here.

It's just crazy to me. From the age of 18 to now, I've let time slip by. Time flies. It's true. Time keeps going. It's linear. We will never experience this moment ever again. This was talked about in the book I'm reading. In the chapter about Hell, C.S. Lewis addresses the problems people have with the idea of Hell. Eternity is a real problem with humans. We kind of have an idea, but not really. Time is what we know. I want to quote some of this chapter, if I may. In the chapter, Lewis describes all of the problems people have with the idea of Hell. Some of the problems he addresses are some of the problems I have. The main one is that of compassion and mercy. We as humans have compassion and mercy. I think a lot of us (as Americans especially) learn to ignore our compassion and mercy, but I think we're all born with it. So, with the compassion and mercy, if we're in Heaven and we know that there are other human souls suffering in Hell, wouldn't we feel really terrible? We feel really bad for those that are less fortunate than us now, what more would it be if we were in Heaven and we knew that there were those, even those that we care a lot about who are in Hell? I would feel super bad! And God, He has much more compassion and mercy than I do. Then I read this in the book. I'll quote it now...

"In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell, is itself a question: 'What are you asking God to do?' To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them? They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does."

This entire chapter on Hell has addressed a lot of questions about Hell that I have had. I next want to read Love Wins by Rob Bell. I know it's a little off of what Christians typically believe about the idea of Hell, but I want to see what Bell has to say. I guess it's really saying that God gets what He wants, and He wants all of us... An interesting read if anything. I'm still in this book, however. And I am excited to read these two final chapters. The next is about animal pain and the last is on Heaven.

Apple Juice

I love clicking by tapping. On my Chromebook, you have the choice of actually pressing down on the track pad and "clicking", or you can just tap the pad to "click". It's a simple pleasure, a pleasure still.

I'm not just writing about my Chromebook, but it was on my mind. I wanted to talk about sin--my sin. Now I forgot what exactly what it was about my sin that I was going to talk about. Now that I'm writing, my mind goes blank.

It's been a pretty crazy day. It started off with me receiving very little sleep last night. Today has been lagging, until now. I got some physical activity in and now my body's awake. Maybe that's what I was thinking about--my morning. Lindsey and I got angry with each other. We're not angry at each other any more, but tempers flared this morning. Luke had a cough last night and all three of us had very little rest as a result. We're better now. Luke's napping. I'm sitting here on my Chromebook...

I finally plucked those dang weeds out of my yard today. That's the physical activity I got in today. Plucking weeds is strenuous. Especially if you're as out of shape as I am. I'm glad I got those weeds plucked, though. My house was beginning to be the eye sore of the neighborhood, and my neighborhood is the eyesore of the city. I did some good yard work and killed four giant black widows in the process. One got away...

So, that's been my day so far. That and me thinking about dang smartphones. We're trapped. We're done. Smartphones are here and they have control. We have the fucking internet wherever we go. We're missing our lives as they pass in front of us. Look at me now. On the internet. It's bullshit. Sorry for the swear words, I just want to provide emphasis on what I'm saying. Plus, I don't think they're swear words when it's written, only when spoken. I've got some weird ideas, and that's one of them. Swear words are great at getting your attention. So, fucking smartphones. I went to Discount Tire Co. to get Lindsey's tire fixed. There were people in the waiting room--they weren't reading newspapers, or magazines, or discussing politics or religion. Nope. They were gazing at a 4" - 5.5" hd display. How many times a day can you check Facebook?!

I'm guilty, too. I stare at my damn phone sometimes and I snap out of my hypnosis and wonder what happened to the last 10 minutes. Turns out I read the same 8 tweets over and over. It's pretty dumb. It's our life, though. I'm going to stop writing in this blog now. I'm going to sip on some apple juice and I'm going to continue to read my book, The Problem of Pain by Clive S. Lewis. It's a good read. I've been at it or a few weeks now, chipping away at the book, soaking in some ideas.

Albuquerque Views

Albuquerque really is a beautiful city. I'm standing on the Westside and looking across the valley at a rain cloud. It's not raining where I am, but it's breezing and it smells like rain.

I love the fact that I can stand on this end of the city and see for miles. I can see Sandia Peak, the Manzano Mountains and just about every neighborhood on the east side. The views in Albuquerque are great.

Facebook Blows

Lol. I logged in to Facebook and I lasted 3 minutes. I'm off it again. I won't speak of it again.

Relax

I'm sitting in my bed, relaxing. It's nice. Usually the times in early afternoon are used to do homework. I'm a thirty-year old fool that has homework. I decided to continue to drive toward my MBA. It's though online correspondence. It's not as cool as a "real" MBA, but I think it's still worth working for.

Anyway, I had some things to write about. I'm kind of distracted right now. I'm listening to the Bad Christian Podcast right now. I had to pause it. My thoughts were all over.

...paused.

Okay. So today. I'm relaxing. It feels nice to lay (lie?) down and just relax. I'm writing for fun and not for a paper on marketing strategies. My MBA classes aren't super hard, but they're time consuming. Time is something that I have the least of these days. Being a full time employee, husband and father, (and now Lindsey's preggers with our 2nd), time is precious. And man oh man, it feels good to be here relaxing. Bless my wife's heart, she's working right now, and she deserves this down time more than I do.

This weekend is starting off to be a good one. Today I went to my son's favorite spot in Albuquerque--the Rio Grande Zoo, which I guess they now call the ABQ BioPark Zoo. Luke loves this place. We checked out the polar bears, the seals, snakes, alligators, camels, giraffes, then we rode the train to the aquarium and hung out with some sea fish and sharks. It was a fun time.

Now, I'm relaxing and thinking about things. I'm thinking about politics. I'm thinking about religion. I'm thinking about science and culture. This is my time to think, when Luke is napping. My times with him during the day are times of learning. It's amazing watching him learn all these new things. What's really cool, also, is that I get to learn with him! Like this morning, I would read the info plaques to him about the animals in the exhibit, and I learn, too.

And now I'm thinking about FACEBOOK. AGAIN! Dang it, Facebook. I was in a discussion with my brother over Hangouts the other day about social media. I asked him to join Instagram so that he could see some of the pictures I post of his nephew. He protested saying that Instagram is full people's selfies and had no interest in joining. We went back and forth about Instagram and Facebook. They've both got their downsides, and it's about who you follow. I'm on Instagram, Google +, and Twitter for my own reasons. I like the photos people post on Instagram, it's mostly artistic. Google + has it's interesting things. And Twitter I go to for news and weather. What all these social media outlets don't have are my friends and family. I mean, I have some friends on Google +, but they aren't really active on the site. Instagram's the same.

The other night I made a big fuss about Facebook and how I hated it. I still do, but it's really just a way for all those people to vent. I can relate the way people act on Facebook to the way people act when they're driving in their car. People have a protective barrier between themselves and the world when they are in both things. People act likes jerks when they're in cars and say all sorts of things they would never dream of saying if they were face-to-face with that person. Facebook is the same way. We tell the truth. We probably disclose too much of our lives on our Facebook feed. That's fine. Our culture is naked in Facebook. We're all exposing our ideas and trying to work things out in our heads. So, I'm back on FACEBOOK. I'm back because even though I hate it, I know it's here to stay and I have a life that some people want to keep up to date with. Phone calls are a thing of the past. Facebook is here and this is how we communicate. I'll post photos of my son. I'll post photos of my day and what's on my mind.

Here's something that's on my mind... I was considering buying a car because the CD player broke in my car. It doesn't get more american than that! Geez! Maybe I should just camp out at an Apple store now for the next iPhone. It was dumb, I know. I love music, though. I listen to Static Radio a lot, but I also have a Google All Access subscription, so I want to be able to take advantage of that. I also want to be able to listen to my podcasts in the car as well. Buying a car wasn't the solution. I then considered buying a new car stereo. That was much more reasonable. I didn't do that either. I decided an accessory to my phone would hold the answer. I bought the Motorola Droid Roadster 2. It's Bluetooth and it has a built in FM transmitter. Perfect. And I don't have to worry about a car payment. Smart.

So, that's all for today. I was thinking about other things. But those things will have to wait in my brain until the next time I blog.

Back to my podcast.

Facebook's Garbage

I can't sleep. I'm such a bullshit social mediaist. Stupid Facebook brings me back every time and I hate it. I go a couple of months without Facebook, then I get curious and log back in. It's so freaking dumb. I wast at least 10 minutes at a time when I log in, looking at people's political views, or religious views or complaints or whatever.

I'm the same. Look at me now. I'm typing a dang blog about how I hate Facebook. Anyway, I'm done. For now, I guess. I'll probably forget how I hate Facebook and then log back in, like an idiot.

Speaking of idiots. I am one. I started off my day wonderfully. I mean, my day wasn't bad overall, but I started off eating great. I had some whole grains and some dairy for breakfast. Some fruits and veggies for lunch. Then Rudy's Barbecue for dinner. Now, it's way past my bedtime, my mind is running a million miles per hour, and I can't stop farting. Freaking unhealthy food. Every meal tomorrow will be a healthy meal. If I remember, I'll post a screenshot of my Lose It app daily food intake. I've been using this app for years, but for some reason I've been getting fatter. I would say it's will power.

So, I think I've gotten all I need to get off my mind. I love you Blogger/Google +. There are some people here that might read my crap...and if you're hear you don't say anything. And if you do, it's about comics or geography, or science, or photography, or technology. I'm cool with that. I'm not cool with Facebook's garbage.

Holy

If God is in fact God, then why does he have such a low self esteem? Why does He need worship to validate himself? Valid questions. Why does God need worship? I've wondered about this... Some of my questions are answered in this book I'm reading, The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. God doesn't need worship. God doesn't need our love. God made the Universe and us because he is all Loving, and if we realize who God is, then there is no other choice but to realize that He is holy. The reaction to something that is holy is to worship.

What is holy? m-w.com says "exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness"

I'm creeping through this book... answering some of my questions. 

iPhone Stole My Attention

I get sucked in. I'll admit. I don't know why. Technology fascinates me. I've always liked computers. I'm not an "expert"... I don't know how to code. I don't know networking. I mean, I do a little. Anyway, today's Apple event hooked me. I love seeing what's on the horizon with technology. I think it's dumb, though. I have a smart phone. I have a smart watch. I follow the tech bloggers on You Tube and Google +.

I think I give it too much attention.

I think there are more important things in life. I'm just surrounded by this crap all day at work. I probably say the words "iPhone" or "Android" a thousand time in one day. There's more to life. After I write this post I'm going to read about this. I'm reading The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis. I'll be honest, the writing style requires me to have m-w.com close by and some sentences I'll have to read twice. It's a slow read, but a lot of my questions in life are being addressed. I don't know what's taken me so long to pick up this book... oh wait, I know. I'm lazy and I'd rather go to a bar and drink a beer.

So, here's a quote from the book that I've heard before, but it was better reading it for myself.

"There was a man born among these Jews who claimed to be, or to be the son of, or to be 'one with', the Something which is at once the awful haunter of nature and the giver of the moral law. The claim is so shocking -- a paradox, and even a horror, which we may easily be lulled into taking too lightly--that only two views of this man are possible. Either he was a raving lunatic of an unusually abominable type, or else He was, and is, precisely what He said. There is no middle way. If the records make the first hypothesis unacceptable, you must submit to the second."

Am I allowed to quote a book in my blog? I hope so. Either way, I'm enjoying digging into this book. I'll continue in chapter 2 now...

Football

I was about to hitch about how channel 4 doesn't come in on my tv. I was going to blame KOB or my antenna. Either way, all I wanted to do is watch done dang football. So, I gave up and came to my computer to blog about my complaints...I decided to search Google "live stream NBC". Found my game, and here I am still...blogging. I'll relax now. Maybe the Colts will make a comeback. Who cares? 

Can I Take You Home?

Last night I had a dream that I was on an airplane with Tom and Yuri from MxPx and Marques Brownlee. I sat with Marques, but I really wanted to talk to Tom and Yuri. That's about all I remember about my dream.

It's rare that I remember any of my dreams. I don't know why that is. There was a point in my life where I remembered a lot of my dreams. I even had a dream journal. Maybe that's why I remembered my dreams--because I was looking forward to documenting them in the morning.

I've always been somewhat of a documentor. My own newsman. I don't think that anyone really would care about what goes on in my life. I just like to write. It's sort of therapeutic. It's how I relax. Like now...writing in this blog. I really don't care if anyone reads these words. It's more for me than anything else.

There was some other garbage I was going to write about. Maybe it was my day... Nothing spectacular. A semi truck stopped at my house this morning and asked for directions. Luke loved that. I also did some computer shopping for Lindsey. Best Buy has gone down hill. That store is kinda crappy now. I used to love going there. Now I think it's...not so great. Best Buy will be gone within five years. I also realized that Windows computers kinda suck. I love my Chromebook.

New paragraph. Chromebook. Chromebooks get a lot of criticism. They're extremely simple. They run Chrome... and a few other Google apps (Keep, Google Photos, etc.). I don't need much more though. I can watch Hulu, Netflix and YouTube videos on it. Google Docs has gotten to the point where it's almost at the level of Word. I don't play games on my computer anymore. My Chromebook satisfies 99% of my computer needs. I also have a stinking iPad (that my school provided for me), a stinking Galaxy Note 3 and a dang LG G Watch. I'm pretty ridiculous. When I get a notification, I hear it first on my iPad, then on my Chromebook, then on my Note 3, then on my G Watch. Now that's just dumb. I don't need to be told by four different devices that I have a freaking junk email. But, that's where I am... I got sucked in. I'm connected. God forbid I fall out of WiFi or cell coverage.

Anywho, the Chrombook is nice. It's cheap. It looks nice. The only think I would improve about my Chromebook would be build quality. My current Chrombook doesn't have a backlit keyboard. It doesn't have a touch screen. The body is all plastic. The external speakers are worthless. The battery isn't that great. All of these things I can deal with for the $169 cost. $169. Yeah. The other computer that catches my eye is the MacBook Air. $899. I don't need a MacBook Air. All my computing is done here. Most people who have Windows or Macs don't need them either.

I'm done talking about Chromebook.

There's some other stuff I wanted to get down in writing. I haven't had a whole lot of time to write for fun. I've been writing for my MBA class. I'm determined to become a master of something, even if it's through an e-correspondence course.

...Thought I wanted to write more. Nope.

Universe

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.” (Romans 1:16-17 ESV)

Interesting little tid bit here. I've had a problem with faith. Faith requires a belief in something, maybe that there's not a whole lot of evidence for. I'm like any other human, I want proof. I've been thinking a lot about that idea. There are certain things in the universe that don't require proof. How did the universe start from an infinitesimally small point and expand faster than the speed of light to where it is now? I'm living by faith knowing that it just did. 

There are parts of the Bible that are insane. In this last Bad Christian podcast with Michael Gungor as the guest, Toby brought up the point I think about all the time. Jesus was a zombie who told people he was God and was going to forgive sins... I believe this shit? Yes, I believe this shit! It's insane! But so is the universe! What's more insane? Believing there's a God who set all law (moral, natural), or that the universe is even here at all?  

Albuquerque Home

I should probably be writing for school right now. I'm not. It's a Sunday evening and it's raining. Nothing like the rain we had Friday night. That was insane! I thoroughly enjoyed that rain. It dumped over 2 inches of rain on us in a mater of about an hour. Here's a link to a news article about the flood. http://krqe.com/2014/08/02/heavy-rains-flood-downtown-albuquerque/

It doesn't seem like it should be such a big news story, especially if you aren't from Albuquerque. There are huge storms in the eastern USA that dump much more moisture from a single storm. Rain is news for us in Albuquerque. We love it so much. I start live tweeting if I even fell a drop of rain. So, the storm was nice. I hope the monsoons aren't over. August is usually when tings begin to slow down. I'm hoping for at least one or two more big storms. That would be nice.

This brings me to my next set of thoughts. New Mexico. New Mexico has really been pissing me off lately. I read an article about "Almost Albuquerque" the other day. It discouraged me. I see cities like Tucson getting a light rail. Why can't we have a light rail? I remember talk of the light rail system back when Marty Chavez was mayor. It never happened, of course. Also, what the heck's up with our skyscrapers? The last high rise that was finished, (if you want to call it that), was the Anasazi Downtown condos, and those took almost 10 years to complete.

I think Albuquerque should own itself. We need to be proud to be citizens. Albuquerque is so different. I think there's a lot of nice things we can enjoy here. We're in the shadow of other western cities. I think of Albuquerque and a half way point between Phoenix and Denver. By the way, Phoenix and Denver should be in New Mexico, stupid congress back in the day didn't draw our state boundary correctly.

I've got a lot to complain about home. I could list it all now. Goat heads suck. I wish it rained more. Poverty. Transportation is a joke. I want people to like us in Albuquerque. Most of the time when I hear Albuquerque mentioned it's usually negative. Search the hashtag #Albuquerque, or #NewMexico on Instagram or Twitter. There are a bunch of people who are just passing though on I-40 talking about how much it sucks.

There are a lot of cool things about Albuquerque. There are a lot of cool things about New Mexico. I'm kind of happy those cool things aren't well known across the country. People have no idea we have mountains. There are only 7 states with higher peaks than us. Alaska, California, Colorado, Washington, Hawaii, and Utah. New Mexico has higher peaks than Montana, Oregon and Idaho. Who knew? Really, I think congress should have drawn our state to include more of Colorado, too. I would say most of the southern counties identify more with New Mexico than they do with Colorado anyway.

Let's keep our mountains a secret. I think it's okay that I can go on a hike and actually be in a wilderness. There aren't jeeps and microbrew drinking bros camping around every corner. There is nature.

I'll continue to enjoy it here. And I think a lot of the people who are "entrapped" here end up actually liking it here. The population continues to rise. I hope things change for the better here. We have so much room for improvement. Maybe all these negative news stories will motivate its citizens to want to improve the city.

Just a Day

I'm typing a blog post from an ipad. That's a first. My chromebook battery died, and my desktop computer is much too far for me to get up. I'm a lazy bitch today. 

I was going to hike a trail in the Sandias. That fell through. I'll probably head up to the peak tomorrow or Sunday. I would love to be up there especially after it rained. I'll be it smells so nice up there.

Today's a lazy day still. Cleaning around the house. Hanging out with my little buddy Luke. He's asking for fruit snacks every 10 minutes. I'll have to say no sooner or later. I might play some Guitat Hero, maybe read my book about Evolution being taught in schools and Christians hating it. 

I'm enjoying my book so far. It's taking me forever to read it. I'm a slow reader and I get distracted easily. Also, I have a job and a 2 year old. It's tough for me to get through a 300 pager. I'm over half way through. The book I'm reading is called Monkey Girl. If the book ended at page 180 I'd reccomend it. I think I'll read a little now.  

By the way, if anyone cares, I'm listening to Run River North right now. So good. 

I Don't Want Any Part of Jesus

I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. I claim to be a holy guy by professing that I'm a Christian. I'm not so holy. I'm a jerk. I drank 3 rum drinks last night while watching Game of Thrones. Not very "Christian" of me. Does my faith bring me guilt? Yeah. A lot. I'm guilty. I've sinned. What's the whole purpose of sin? I have no idea. I'm not even going to begin to tackle that question. I'm too hungover.

So, whatever. I'll probably think about these things later. I just finished a paper for a class I'm taking. We're talking about marketing, the 3 Ps and making a marketing plan. Fun stuff. I enjoy thinking about this garbage.

I was going to talk about faith...like I always do. Faith's on my mind a lot. Like all the time. Here's some bullshit--we're born with our faith. If you're born a Mormon, then you'll be a Mormon in most cases. If you're born into Islam, then you're Muslim. If you're born into Scientology...well, that just sucks. But, you get my point. You're not going to think too much of your faith. It's true, as far as you're concerned. Just like you believe your mom when she says not to touch the furnace because it's hot, you believe that Jesus died for your sins.

That's me.

I believe what my mom told me. She said that Jesus loves me. She said that I sin and so does everyone else. She said that Jesus has grace and he still loves me and wants to be my best friend.

I believed her.

I still believe her.

I'm starting to think, though. For all my life, including now, my faith has been completely blind. My faith has not been my own. My faith is just what I was born with.

I don't want that to be... I want to seriously question God. I want to know who Jesus is and I don't want my belief to be empty. Dang it, I want my faith to be real, to be mine!

If Jesus turns out to be an imaginary guy, then I don't want any part of Jesus. I want to know for myself, though. Blind faith bothers me because if you have blind faith then your faith means nothing. This is one of my biggest complaints about the USA.

Happy 4th.

I'll have to complain about my country later because my boy just woke up from his nap.

I'll Shut Up Now

**There are probably writing errors in this blog post. I don't proof read my posts.**

My internet connection... What the heck ever. I've been talking on social media about this dang iPad. Who the heck cares? No one gives a shit. I think I need to just take it easy on these things. I don't know why I feel the need to write something down and share it over the internet...kinda like I'm doing now. Blogger's okay. Not a whole lot of people read this thing. I like it that way. Not like Facebook. Everyone's on Facebook. And everyone's got an opinion. Then there's the people who post pointless garbage like me.

So, I'm going to use Blogger to get what's on my mind off my chest so I can just move on. I usually talk about religion. Or struggling in life. Or my son. Or my wife. Right now I want to talk about an iPad. Yeah, it's really dumb. The last Apple product I purchased was an iPod touch in 2007 or 2008. Now I have this iPad. I didn't purchase this iPad directly. I'm taking MBA courses and my school provided it to me. I was pretty excited, and I am still excited to use this iPad. I'm a Google guy for the most part. I had an Android tablet (just sold it), my last 5 phones have been Android phones, I have a Chromebook, use Chromecast...you get the picture.

I'm a Google fan boy. Not like Derek Ross from Phandroid...that guy's a real fan boy. But, I enjoy Google products. I think Android has it's flaws, but it works really great. Apple definitely set the trend with the iPad and the iPhone, but I think Android perfected the phone...the tablet, I still think iOS has the edge.

So, I've had this iPad for a full 24 hours. I like it a lot. Siri is cool. I like Google Now a bit better. I like the hot word "okay, Google". It reminds me of the Star Ship Enterprise. Siri, you have to hold down the home button for a few minutes to get it to listen. I also feel that Google Now gives me more relevant information. Try asking Google something totally weird and give it enough information and it will probably guess the right thing. I'll ask Google Now something now and I'll post the screen shot...

Pretty cool, right? Google even corrected the word "gangsta". I was talking about Office Space. 

Now, I'll ask Siri...

Fail, Siri. Fail. 

There have been a few other complaints. Which is dumb. Why should I be complaining? I got a free iPad. I'm just an idiot American who complains about dumb crap. I complain about mobile operating systems. Good guy, Zo. Good guy. Get a life. lol. I'll go on... You can't select a default browser. You could set a default browser on Windows '95, but you can't on a 2014 iPad. You can't hide the crap apps you probably won't be using, like Safari. But, I might be using Safari a lot more now because it's annoying to use Chrome for most things, but if I click on a link in an email or anywhere else it opens in Safari. So, to keep things consistent, I'll probably just use Safari. There are probably some other things I'll complain about. Maybe I should just be happy that I'm healthy...that would be good.

I am happy about a couple of features of this damn iPad. The build quality is unmatched. It's a sexy-ass piece of technology. So much so that Lindsey thought I was getting aroused and just about left the room to give me and the iPad a moment. We didn't need a moment. But, I was slightly aroused. I'll move on... It has a great battery life. I've been using it nonstop with Bluetooth on for the past 24 hours and the battery is now just at 14%. And the Bluetooth is great too. It has no problem at all connecting to my Jambox. In fact, when it's connected, it shows the battery life of the Jambox, too. Something my Android or Chomebook doesn't do. Not crazy important, but cool. 

I'm happy with this. It's free and really it's supposed to be used for my text books. That's about all I have to say about this think. You'll probably never another peep out of me about it. I'll probably talk about technology again. That's inevitable. 

I've realized something else today. Well, not just today. But, I was reminded that social media is bullshit. Pure 100% bullshit. I'm sucked in, and I don't know why. I'll probably use Blogger and G+ more, mostly because I get my social media thoughts of my mind and I don't have to worry about anyone reading my post. 

Dream

I had a dream I hung out with Matt Hoopes from Relient K. He has a really expensive banjo and he was letting me play it. I think we were in Nashville.

Social Fricken Media

Here I am again, writing on this small phone screen. I won't write too much. I'm tired and I need rest for tomorrow. I'm just bothered right now by my thoughts. I've seriously been thinking about Christianity. I'm a Christian, but I'm questioning a lot about how Christians think.

I read this article from Answers in Genesis. I'm blown away. I'm not a smart person, but I have common sense. I'm sorry, but these people make Christians look like closed minded fools. I believe what the Bible says, but I have some questions. I believe that any idea should stand up to questioning, including the Bible.

So, back to common sense. I believe that God loves and created me, and I feel that he's given us a brain to think through things. Science and discovery are wonderful things. God's made us curious. We are want to know more about our surroundings. And we've made a ton of discoveries as a human race.

One thing we've done is calculate how fast light travels. We know how far light will travel in one year. These people at Answers in Genesis are Young Earth Creationists. They believe the Earth is 6,000 years old...seriously. Elementary science teaches us that the closest galaxies to Earth are MILLIONS of light years away.

Man! The vastness of the Universe doesn't disprove God. The Universe can be billions and of years old. I mean, it is billions of years old. God is still God. He's outside of time. We've been made in his image. Curious. Discover. Search. Question your faith! If it's true, it'll withstand your most brutal tests.

Eye Boogers and Other Stuff

I've had these dang eye boogers in my left eye all day. I have no idea what causes them, but it's freaking annoying. I've washed my face. Examined my eye ball in the mirror and removed all the eye boogers I could find. They keep coming back... all day. So, there's that.

I talk a lot about my concerns in this blog. Life's brought me to a turning point again. I was convinced for a while that I wanted to be a teacher. I thought I wanted to teach high school science, or high school history. My degree is economics. Social studies would be my subject if I decided to go that route. I've encountered some road blocks, however. Road blocks shouldn't stop my desires.

Anyway, I've picked my path. I'm a late bloomer, I know. I'm 31 and I'm considering what career path to take. Pathetic. It's been frustrating for me. It's been really hard for me to even get an interview since I graduated in 2009. In college I kinda fished around for something to study. It took me a while. I found it though. Economics fascinated me, I enjoyed studying economics. I read about career paths and jobs available. Econ majors shouldn't have a terrible time finding a job. I sure have! I'm doing something wrong.

So, I've been discouraged. Teaching seemed like something I could sink my teeth into. Something I could be sure of. I've just been tired of not having an identity. A person's career choice is a big part of their identity. I'm a tech support agent in a call center. Troubleshooting internet connections, smart phones and other telecommunications. I guess if I searched I could find how my degree prepared me for this job... It's not what I pictured, and I don't feel like it's a career. There are some career paths I could take within the company... Anyway, I think I'll stop talking about this. It's just something on my mind. The decision I've made is that I'm going to continue my MBA. I've started it. My employer is paying for the classes. I've got great grades, and I don't like to start things and not finish them. I'll be a master of something soon. Think I'll press on.

Other changes I'm thinking about involve the church we currently attend. We're thinking about looking for another church. There's nothing really wrong with the church we go to. Crestview Baptist Church is small church in the International District (aka the "war zone") in Albuquerque. The church has been in existence since the 1940s. It's a good church. There are good people who attend the church. Lindsey and I were talking about needing more. We would love to have some friends who we could relate to.

So these are the things on my mind right now.

I'm also thinking about the garden we planted. I don't know if it's too late in the season, but we planted. Here's a photo of what we've got.

It's just some watermelon, zucchini and squash. All high sun exposure plants. I think they should do alright in this tiny plot. The other little plot I planted is doing really well. I planted peas, tomatoes, carrots and some other type of herb I can't remember right now. My challenge with that plot is trying to determine what's a weed and what's a vegetable. Now that the plants are maturing it's getting a little easier.

So, my career, my church, my garden...these are all things on my mind right now. Oh yeah, and the eye boogers. I hope these dang eye boogers go away tomorrow. I think after I wright this blog post I'll probably look up what causes them.

Just Because

I just killed a black widow. Little bitch had it coming. I hate those dang spiders. I felt a little sick when I saw it.

Whatever. My work week's over. I'm glad. Weeks bring too much. I'm tired of thinking about it. Now I'm home. I'm typing words on my dang Chromebook. Listening to Augustana. Love this album.

We just finished that movie Mr. Nobody with Jared Leto. It was one of those thinking movies. Choices verses destiny and time and junk. I thought it was interesting. I especially liked when they went into artificial hibernation and traveled to Mars. That was neat.

Now I've got some days off work to enjoy.

What'll I do? Well, I've been thinking about socialism. Yeah. Politics. I hate them. I should care more, but I just see the crazies posting crazy things on Facebook. I've been back on Facebook for the past few months. I'm kinda regretting getting back on. I'm attracted to it like moth to flame. I overpost and scroll though people's posts wasting time. I'm not even going waste time thinking about it now.

What else...

Not a lot. I'm just writing because. Just because.

Seek Knowledge!

One of the biggest lies I tell myself is that Christianity is for the dumb. Blind faith idiots who don't care to observe the world around them and accept every bit of crap that's fed to them. Sure, I think there are a lot of Christians who behave this way, especially Christians in the United States. It's our culture to be lazy... We've made religion a sport. Our team is winning and so forth. Whatever.

This isn't what Christianity is about. I just read this portion of 2 Peter and I loved it! I'll share now.

"5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,[e] and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love."
2 Peter 1:5-7 ESV


So, Christians are called out to supplement their virtue with knowledge. So you can strive to have a high moral character, but be knowledgeable.


I can ponder these two verses for a while... I don't think that God wants us to be dumb Christians just spouting out what some idiot politician said, or some mega-church pastor who wants to get his book on the New York Times best selling list. We're to think! If you believe that God in all his perfect knowledge and craftsmanship designed our incredibly complex brain, then use it!


Climate change is real. Science has proved it. The universe is actually billions of years old. Science has proved it. I think even evolution should be given a fair shake. Do these theories conflict with who God is? I don't think so. God's plan is perfect. Who are you, human, to tell God how the Universe should come about? 

Explore

I can start to smell the smoke from the Skunk Fire. At least I think it's from the Skunk Fire. That's what this story says from the Albuquerque Journal. I see a few clouds. I hope the rain we're expecting actually happens.

Yeah, anyway. It's a lazy day. Lindsey's at work and I'm enjoying being outside on my Chromebook, hanging out with Luke. We're listening to Coldplay's newest... well it's their newest as far as I'm concerned. Google Play All Access hasn't released the newest yet. I'm excited to hear it.

I thought I had a lot more to say today. I guess I got it all out last night in the blog I wrote before this one. I'm probably just killing time. I feel especially curious today. Curious about the world around me. I guess my son is rubbing off on me. A two-year-old's curiosity is unmatched. He's a continual student. Constantly exploring. He's learning what animals say and how water feels as it passes thorough his fingers. He's learning about how an object can be on top of, or underneath, or inside another object. He's learning how to express his thoughts in language (and song). He's learning how to show love to others.

He's inspiring me to want to learn more. Adults give up. At some point I gave up on learning. We have all this information available to us. We have the entire world! Even the Universe. And we waste it! It's pretty sad. I want so bad to explore Earth. I want to visit all sorts of different places. I want to experience weather on other continents.

Southbound Highway

Writing on a mobile device is fun! Well, I was being sarcastic just then. I'd much rather type on an actual keyboard. I'm a lazy american, so I won't get up. Plus, I've got things on my mind now. Pretty cool that I have a mobile device though. Ten years ago I couldn't imagine carrying the internet in my pocket. And yet I do worthless things like play Royal Revolt 2...

Story of my life so far. I have the world at my fingertips and I waste it. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Just making an observation. I've made some mistakes. I just hope I've learned from those mistakes and change my behavior. I think I'm ready to be a "go getter". Ha ha! " Think. My life has been uncertain up to this point. I've never had a set plan. Because of my attitude in life I don't have a career. I'm a tech support agent in a call center... People I talk to are frustrated with technology. They unload that frustration on me. I didn't go to school for this. I thought I deserved better. I think that's where I went wrong. I thought I deserved something and I didn't work for it.

So here I am. A 30 year old with no career. It sucks. I'm changing things. I have a plan now. I'm going to teach. I've always wanted to teach. I've got to go back to school for a bit. It'll be worth it.

I'm keeling my chin up. It's hard sometimes. I feel like I'm being thrashed down a rapid mountain river, gasping for air sometimes. My family is my everything now. I look for strength in God.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who's crying out. Americans are so secretive. Don't talk about your religion. Don't express your worries. Keep your politics to yourself. We need to express ourselves! We need company to talk to. Talk about our worries. That's one of the worst things about my job; I have people sitting all around me but I hardly get to spend five minutes talking to any of them. It's all about productivity...guess that's the point. I just miss friendship. I don't have anyone I can call and just hang out with. Seems like the friends I have are drifting away. I try to reach out... I feel like a huge nerd. Not the "cool" nerd. I feel like the nerd that no one wants to sit by in the lunch room. It doesn't feel nice.

So where's my God? Does He bring me rest? Yes. He brings me peace. I'm done wrestling with my faith. I don't care what people think of me. I'm not lukewarm. I've got life in front of me. I'll meet new friends. I'll meet friends who have time for me. Friends who I can confide in. I'm not forgetting about two of my best friends either. One is laying right next to me...she's super hot too. The other's laying in the next room probably dreaming about animals, airplanes, and choo choos. So, I'm blessed.

Burned Out

Burned out. I'm continually checking my inbox for new opportunity. I'm checking my phone settings for an os update. I'm tired of the same old, same old. My weekends I spend talking to frustrated end users. I'm expected to have the patience of a saint. I need a fresh morning. I need to feel like I'm important for some cause.

Learning How To Be Content

Listening to mewithoutYou. It's been too long. I don't know where my mind's at, or where it's been. I used to get so into music! Now I'm just trying to keep my head above water. Just being honest. I think I'm doing okay. I know some changes need to be made. But what? Where? Do all humans think about what needs to be changed in their lives? Do all humans have a hard time being content? What does it mean to be content? Well, I'll look it up. Webster says this:

": pleased and satisfied : not needing more"

Am I pleased and satisfied with my life? Do I feel like I need more? Dang. I'm not content at all! I wonder what the Bible says about being content. Is discontentment a bad thing. I think discontentment can be motivation when it's at a safe level. When it's at an unsafe level then it can just drag you into a pit. That's where I am right now. I think that Lindsey and Luke should bring me contentment. And I love them. I think it's me that's flawed. I shouldn't feel that I need more.

So what does the Bible say about contentment? I am a Christian and I believe what the Bible says. So I'll look...

This portion of scripture always come to mind. Matthew 6:25-34 (ESV):
"25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[g] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 Forthe Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 Butseek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.""

It's true for me. No matter how much I worry, I'm always taken care of. I have never gone without a meal. In fact, I, like most other American's, probable have too many meals on a daily basis. I have everything I need, and more! I like that Jesus didn't deny the fact that there will be things that trouble us, but he assured us that we will be taken care of.

So, back to contentment. Pleased and satisfied...not needing more. I have to think about this one for a while. I have to exercise discipline. I need to be happy with my job, while continuously striving to better myself. And I need to trust in God. Divine love. 

Other things I'm thinking about...

Well, I want to look up these mewithoutYou lyrics. I also want to quote what Stephen Colbert said about God's love. I'll quote Stephen Colbert first, then I'll look up the lyrics to this song. 

I read an article from Relevant about Stephen Colbert and I was blown away about what he said in response to Hell and God's love. Here's what the article said:

""“I think the answer, ‘God is love’ is pretty good for a child. Because children understand love … My son asked me one day, ‘Dad, what’s hell?’ … So, I said, ‘Well, if God is love, then hell is the absence of God’s love. And, can you imagine how great it is to be loved? Can you imagine how great it is to be loved fully? To be loved totally? To be loved, you know, beyond your ability to imagine? And imagine if you knew that was a possibility, and then that was taken from you, and you knew that you would never be loved. Well that’s hell—to be alone, and know what you’ve lost.’”"

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/6-times-stephen-colbert-got-serious-about-faith#XaHxqTqv1tXRkdL1.99

Anyway, I think I'm done writing. I'll put off the lyrics until later. I'll just enjoy the music for now. That's all. 

I'll leave you with a link to some information on some lillies that grow in the Middle East. Maybe Jesus had one of these flowers in mind when he spoke about them in Matthew 6. http://www.jerusalemperspective.com/1584/

Wonder

What's important in life? Why are we here? Seems like a common theme in this blog of mine. I'm always asking myself where my purpose is. It's difficult to see that there is any purpose. I know I do have purpose. I'm a dad to Luke and a husband to Lindsey. Those are two huge jobs, and jobs that I am incredibly grateful to have. Still, life can get monotonous. I feel selfish when I say "I want excitement. I want adventure". Is it, though? I don't think it is. I want purpose. I want more purpose. Lindsey and Luke are good enough. I want more. I don't know where this feeling is coming from. I'm not saying that my wife and son aren't enough to satisfy my need to love. No, they definitely do. What I need, I guess, is knowledge. I need knowledge of my meaning on Earth. Am I here just to be a dad and husband? Then I want to know how I can be a better father and a better husband.

Am I here because a random coming together of energy and matter?

Did God know my name the moment the Universe expanded from a single point?

I think it's really cool that the wonder of the Universe has been shoved into the mainstream by Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos. Just your regular Joe and Jane are now watching this show that is encouraging thought. Hardcore fundamentalists from every edge of thought and everyone in between are talking. The Universe is full of wonder. We should pay more attention to it.

How freaking cool is it that there may be at least one other dwarf planet and possibly another planet that's several times larger than Earth that we didn't even know about? The Universe holds so many mysteries. Our little spek on the map of the Universe is so tiny...we're still trying to understand the things that are right in front of us. Think about how vast the Universe is. In our own Solar System there might be other planets we're just finding now.

So, I'm blown away. I'm also sad.

I'm sad because I've fallen into monotony. Go to work. Pay the bills. Have a short weekend. Do it again. I want out of this cycle. I want to worship the God who sparked this Universe into existence. I want to know more about God. I want to quit caring what others think about my crazy thoughts about God. My mind drifts to denial. I think about the friends who I used to hang out with. They don't believe in God. Well, if they do they haven't told me. And I didn't ask. It was okay that way.

I want to ask the serious questions. I want to think rationally. I think that religion and rational thought can go hand in hand. God isn't far fetched. To think there is no God I think is more far fetched now. I try to learn more about the Universe we're in and this blue planet we're drifting on. The more I try to learn, the more God proves himself to me.

I think Christians are crazy. I don't want to be one of those crazy Christians who takes the Bible and makes it mean what I want it to mean. I don't want to use the Bible and a weapon against other humans. There's a lot of stuff in the Bible. A lot of it I don't understand. I read the Bible, and I'm learning more and more. I'm no theologian though.

I think I'm done for tonight. I'll try to break out of the monotony I've fallen into. I'll work on appreciating my life more. I'll work on being a better father, a better husband, a better son.

Life's Changed

I'm sitting at my home computer desk typing on a "real" keyboard. How weird. Most of my computing is done on a 5.7 inch Note 3 screen. It feels nice to get back on a desktop personal computer. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday's newest record. It was just released today. Things have changed since "Where You Want To Be"...for me and for Taking Back Sunday. The music is good. I like the album so far.

Oh my goodness. I'm 30. I'm about to be 31.

I've got a son who's going to turn 2 next month.

Life's changed. It's changed for good though. I'm happy I'm not where I was ten years ago. I love my son, I love my wife.

I'm still glad to listen to these old bands, though. There are a few that I can't listen to. Weezer, believe it or not. I can't listen to Weezer. I just can't enjoy it like I used to. The Ataris. I don't like The Ataris now. I loved the Ataris 12 years ago! Nope. Not now. I can't even start the record. That's a band that I grew out of. I still enjoy MxPx and Blindside, but I don't listen to them all the time like I used to. I would say I don't listen to as much music as I used to. I definitely don't go to as many shows as I used to. I want to find good music. I want to listen to it with my family.

--

Five years.

Five years of marriage. Just thinking back... I can't imagine life not being married. I love Lindsey so much. On this day 5 years ago we were in southern California waiting to start life together. It makes me happy to know Lindsey loves me.

Zoo Trip, Evolution, Jesus, Note 3.

My armpits stink. It's okay. It's natural. What's not natural is animals in captivity. Luke and I went to the Rio Grande Zoo. It's cool that it's not natural, we still had a blast. Plus, I don't think anyone would want to see a hippopotamus up close in nature. Those creatures are big, strong, territorial and they will hurt you. I'm happy to see them behind an exhibit wall.

Another creature I wouldn't want to see in nature is the black mamba. Yeah, efff everything about that snake. It can slither up to 15 mph and it can kill you with one bite. Na. A glass cage is good.

It was a fun day at the zoo with my boy. We watched the ducks eat, we saw the zebras eat their own poop. It was an epic father and son day. I love my boy.

Now the boy's napping and I'm typing some words and drinking a Santa Fe Black IPA.

It's not very often that I get to relax and just type on a keyboard. So that's what I'm going to do. Not a whole lot has been on my mind recently. That's bad. Things definitely used to get to me and sometimes I would over think things. It feels good to think though. We need to think. We're humans, it's what we do. It's what sets us apart from all the animals in captivity at the zoo. Except maybe the chimpanzees.

Luke and I sat there and watched the chimpanzees. They're definitively different from all the other animals in the zoo. Them and the gorillas. They're apes. They were laying there in the sun...relaxing I guess. Or maybe they're pissed off that they're in prison. I have no clue. But then there are humans. We're apes. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that humans look a lot like gorillas and chimpanzees. Our teeth look similar, so do our hands and our ears. Yeah, there's a lot of physical traits we have that are really similar looking to those of chimpanzees and gorillas.

But I'm a Christian. Yup. There it is. So, does that mean I have to ignore all of the scientific work humans have done in identifying our relationship to other apes? I'm not smart. I'll be the first to admit that. Those scientists who came up with all this about our origins are smart, though.

Some people think that if you are scientific minded then you can't believe in the supernatural at all. Supernatural is to go against nature-- against the natural laws that are in existence. It's like, if I believe in what scientists say then there's no reason to believe in God. The scientist is here and wrote a paper and documented research. I can't see God. The idea of God was just passed down to me from thousands of years of stories.

It is hard for me to believe in God sometimes.

I think about all the evidence that has been presented against God. There's a lot. Like why does evil exist? Why do innocent people die? Here's one for ya. Why is it that God loves us all so much and he still allows us to sin? God is all powerful. God created everything. Sin shouldn't exist if God exists. There are explanations about all of these by Christians. A lot of Christians ignore these questions. A lot of Christians don't know why they're Christians. Blind faith is the worst, and Christians aren't the only ones guilty of that.

But, then their's that dude Jesus. God incarnate. Came to Earth and loved the hell out of every one he came in contact with. Even Atheists admit at least the fables of the Jesus are nice stories (they love Deuteronomy more). Jesus is why I'm a Christian. Jesus loved. He served. He healed. He was God coming to meet humans where we were at. We needed exactly what he brought us. And human's needs haven't changed much since Jesus walked the rocky paths of Galilee. We still need to be healed. We need to be accepted. We need love. We need love so bad.

So, that's where I stop. I stop and think. Who was Jesus? He told me to turn my cheek. He told me to love my neighbor (not just Mr. Rodgers, although I do love him). I'm not to retaliate. I'm supposed to put myself second and show love to other people. It's hard not to be selfish. It's hard not to feel uncomfortable when a beggar asks for money.

So, Jesus is why I'm a Christian. But was Jesus God? Or was he just a really nice Middle Eastern dude? Well, if he was just a dude, then I'm not going to worship him. The most important thing about my beliefs are the resurrection. Nope, not The Walking Dead. Although, that show is freaking awesome. Jesus died...  but he didn't stay dead. He was buried. Some people wrote about how he was buried. Did they lie? They could have. Then Jesus's grave was empty. And Jesus's followers were like, "who took his body". But then they saw him walking around. People wrote about that. Then they started the largest religion in the history of humankind. And they died because of it. The Romans killed Christians. And I know it's an argument that's used a lot by Christians, but I think it's valid. Why would a Christian (one who knew Jesus, watched him die, and watched him walk around alive again) agree to die a painful death if it was all just a lie?

That was all a long time ago. Here I am. You might think I'm an idiot. I think I am too.

Luke's awake, so I'm done writing. I'll leave this post with photos of my day. By the way, the Note 3 camera is dang good! The phone is ridiculously large. I'm getting used to it, though.