Resolution

Journal 3. 1 John 1:8-9

How many times have I said to myself that I am without sin? A lot. I justify a lot of things in my life that I feel are not sinful, or that I just don’t even think about. Here it says that I am deceiving myself and that the truth is not in me. What does sin mean? I've had an idea of what sin is since I was born. Sin is basically actions that are bad in God’s eyes. There are a lot of things that have been identified as sin to me from just being in church since I was young. There’s a focus on guilt. I’m still trying to process that… but what is sin? Well, I would say it’s the inability to be holy, blameless. I am with spot, I am stained, I am at fault. Guilty, I guess. I see a truck with a spoiler on it and I judge that person. I see a Twitter post with poor grammar and I pass judgment (even though my English skills are terrible). I do worse things than that, too. I am with sin. I would say that sin is to disobey what God is commanding of us by going against the example He gave to us in Jesus. Am I washing the feet of others? Do I judge? Do I care for myself more than those around me? Yes. I’m with sin.

I think sin is something different than what I was brought up to understand, but like I said, I’m still trying to process it completely. Anyway, this passage says that I am deceiving myself if I think I’m without sin. There’s good news. If I confess my sins….God. is. Faithful. The first step is to realize that I am with sin. Then what do I do next? Well, I need resolution. God provides resolution. He is faithful. He is just. He will forgive me. He will cleanse me. As a Christian, this is huge. 

Vengeance is God's

Journal day 4. Romans 12:19-21

What I see here is that when we witness evil, or if we’re wronged, we’re not to get revenge. We want revenge really bad, we want to equalize the world by repaying their evil with equal or greater evil. It would satisfy us. Here, Paul is saying that we’re not supposed to satisfy our desires but repay evil with good. He says we’re to feed our enemy is he’s hungry, give him something to drink if he’s thirsty—totally going against what we really want to do to those people. It also says that by doing this we will “heap burning coals on their head”. Okay, so by doing good, we’re really getting revenge via God? Overcome evil by doing good…

This passage brings me more questions. I understand that we’re to do good all the time, even if evil is involved. What’s weird here is that this passage is saying that we’re doing good to accomplish God’s vengeance. Isn't the point of doing good just to do good? Also, the ever present question of if God exists, then why does he even allow evil. I know, I know, we’re fallen, we have sin, we need redemption. We’re flawed people. I don’t ever think I’ll completely understand the problem of evil.  

Ass

The other day I wrote a post on Facebook I'm regretting. This is why I hate this crap. I open my dang mouth. I posted some garbage about how I think Facebook sucks because I hate what people are saying, and I hate what I say on Facebook. I basically said that I think the people on my Facebook feed are dumb and I'm better than they are. Yeah, I'm not better than anyone. I'm quite the ass actually. I'm not going to pull the post. Whatever. I'll keep Facebook, though.

Servant of All

Sagebrush has a teaching series going on right now called My Own Worst Enemy. There are some journal questions posted on their website. I've been responding to these questions and I thought I would post my responses here. If you read this, let me know your thoughts. 

Journal day two. Mark 9:33-35

Here I see Jesus teaching a lesson to his disciples. They were arguing about who was the greatest. Humans have a tendency to want to be “great”. We see this all the time in our culture today. What I think is interesting is that Jesus is the greatest. He is God, yet He is teaching about how to care for the lowest in their culture. Jesus corrected their behavior of arguing about who was the greatest and told them that whoever is last will be first. The servant of all will be first. I understand that Jesus is teaching that we need to be a servant to those who typically are begin ignored by our culture, but I don't think I'm clear what it means that those who serve will be first. I think that the point of the teaching is humility and love, but I wonder if the goal is to be first. I'm guessing the goal is to have love and humility in our culture because we have a shortage of love and humility.

There are a lot of people who are ignored in our culture today. We worship celebrities, money, career advancements, sports stars... they aren't ignored. Who's ignored in our culture? I would say those that have nothing. Here's something interesting. Before reading Mark 9:33-35, I read Proverbs 14. In verses 20-21 it says, “The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends. Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.”. In Mark 9 Jesus used a child as an example of someone who has little status in their culture at the time, but I think our culture today turns a blind eye to those that have less. I'm guilty of it. When I see a panhandler I feel awkward. I don't know why. I'll be stopped at a red light and I try not to make eye contact. I don't even bother to read their sign. Our culture looks down on those people. Why are they there? I would say if a person has any pride, it's sucked out when they are forced to panhandle. Maybe they're on drugs and they don't care about pride or humility, they just need a fix. Still sucks to be in the situation. Maybe life just dealt them a shitty hand. Look at me. Ignoring them and feeling awkward like an ass. I think what Jesus is teaching here is that compassion is needed. There are people in life that are in situations that down right suck. We're to be their servant.  

Make Me Useful

It's been a great day! Sundays are usually pretty bleh for us. We wake up, go to church, then lay around and dread Monday. Today was different for a few reasons. We didn't go to church this morning (we went on Saturday), and we had an entire weekend to enjoy each other. My schedule changes quite frequently, and my last schedule just gave us Sunday. The addition of Saturday to our weekend really made a difference. I feel recouped, refilled. Energized.

Church was good on Saturday, too. Sagebrush is beginning a series called "My Own Worst Enemy". We're studying the life of Samson. He was born into a great family and he did great things, but he was his own downfall. We're studying the parallel of Samson's life to our own lives. This week we spoke about pride. I find myself being very prideful about a lot of things. I feel like I "deserve" better sometimes. I try and I try and I try, and when I'm still trying, it seems that there are others who aren't trying as hard as I am but going much further than I am. They're more efficient. They're like a modern VVT-I motor pumping out 140 horsepower while getting 42 MPG. I'm the 1970 motor eking by with 50 horsepower and I'm lucky if I get 20 MPG. Weird analogy, but I feel like I'm less efficient than others. I make excuses... At the end of the day, it's my pride. I can forever just feel like I deserve better, or I can humble myself and look for real purpose. When others succeed, I should feel happy for them. They are the ones that deserved the promotion, or job, or whatever it is that they have.

The other day, Lindsey and I watched that Denzel Washington movie The Equalizer. The movie was okay, but it opened up with a really cool quote from Mark Twain. "The two most important days of your life are when you are born and when you find out why." That hit me. One, it's important that I was born. That by itself it big. Sometimes I feel like I have no worth. Especially when I try so hard to reach a goal and then I fail. After I fail at something I feel a sense of worthlessness. It's not fun. The feeling doesn't usually last. I get back up and keep trying at life. After recent failures, I began to think about purpose, though. I began to wonder what I'm here for. I believe I'm here for something. I know there are some schools of thought that think I don't have a purpose. I'm just a random collection of star dust that so happens to have a brain... What you do is for the now. Please yourself. -- I think there's a bigger picture. I feel that I have purpose. People always say. "God's got a plan for you". Or, "God's plan is perfect". Those are the last things I want to hear sometimes after I fail. But when I think about it I let it stew. I believe God's wisdom is infinite. God created the stars I was gazing at a few nights ago. God created this universe. Creation is all around me. There is so much about life humans don't understand, and I believe that there is One that understands everything... This Someone cares for me and created me with talents that can be used. I am useful. I hope I can find what that is. I hope I can put my pride aside and listen. I want to find out what that is.

I'll leave this blog post with some photos I took today. (We went to the zoo today.) Enjoy.