Wonder

What's important in life? Why are we here? Seems like a common theme in this blog of mine. I'm always asking myself where my purpose is. It's difficult to see that there is any purpose. I know I do have purpose. I'm a dad to Luke and a husband to Lindsey. Those are two huge jobs, and jobs that I am incredibly grateful to have. Still, life can get monotonous. I feel selfish when I say "I want excitement. I want adventure". Is it, though? I don't think it is. I want purpose. I want more purpose. Lindsey and Luke are good enough. I want more. I don't know where this feeling is coming from. I'm not saying that my wife and son aren't enough to satisfy my need to love. No, they definitely do. What I need, I guess, is knowledge. I need knowledge of my meaning on Earth. Am I here just to be a dad and husband? Then I want to know how I can be a better father and a better husband.

Am I here because a random coming together of energy and matter?

Did God know my name the moment the Universe expanded from a single point?

I think it's really cool that the wonder of the Universe has been shoved into the mainstream by Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos. Just your regular Joe and Jane are now watching this show that is encouraging thought. Hardcore fundamentalists from every edge of thought and everyone in between are talking. The Universe is full of wonder. We should pay more attention to it.

How freaking cool is it that there may be at least one other dwarf planet and possibly another planet that's several times larger than Earth that we didn't even know about? The Universe holds so many mysteries. Our little spek on the map of the Universe is so tiny...we're still trying to understand the things that are right in front of us. Think about how vast the Universe is. In our own Solar System there might be other planets we're just finding now.

So, I'm blown away. I'm also sad.

I'm sad because I've fallen into monotony. Go to work. Pay the bills. Have a short weekend. Do it again. I want out of this cycle. I want to worship the God who sparked this Universe into existence. I want to know more about God. I want to quit caring what others think about my crazy thoughts about God. My mind drifts to denial. I think about the friends who I used to hang out with. They don't believe in God. Well, if they do they haven't told me. And I didn't ask. It was okay that way.

I want to ask the serious questions. I want to think rationally. I think that religion and rational thought can go hand in hand. God isn't far fetched. To think there is no God I think is more far fetched now. I try to learn more about the Universe we're in and this blue planet we're drifting on. The more I try to learn, the more God proves himself to me.

I think Christians are crazy. I don't want to be one of those crazy Christians who takes the Bible and makes it mean what I want it to mean. I don't want to use the Bible and a weapon against other humans. There's a lot of stuff in the Bible. A lot of it I don't understand. I read the Bible, and I'm learning more and more. I'm no theologian though.

I think I'm done for tonight. I'll try to break out of the monotony I've fallen into. I'll work on appreciating my life more. I'll work on being a better father, a better husband, a better son.

Life's Changed

I'm sitting at my home computer desk typing on a "real" keyboard. How weird. Most of my computing is done on a 5.7 inch Note 3 screen. It feels nice to get back on a desktop personal computer. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday's newest record. It was just released today. Things have changed since "Where You Want To Be"...for me and for Taking Back Sunday. The music is good. I like the album so far.

Oh my goodness. I'm 30. I'm about to be 31.

I've got a son who's going to turn 2 next month.

Life's changed. It's changed for good though. I'm happy I'm not where I was ten years ago. I love my son, I love my wife.

I'm still glad to listen to these old bands, though. There are a few that I can't listen to. Weezer, believe it or not. I can't listen to Weezer. I just can't enjoy it like I used to. The Ataris. I don't like The Ataris now. I loved the Ataris 12 years ago! Nope. Not now. I can't even start the record. That's a band that I grew out of. I still enjoy MxPx and Blindside, but I don't listen to them all the time like I used to. I would say I don't listen to as much music as I used to. I definitely don't go to as many shows as I used to. I want to find good music. I want to listen to it with my family.

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Five years.

Five years of marriage. Just thinking back... I can't imagine life not being married. I love Lindsey so much. On this day 5 years ago we were in southern California waiting to start life together. It makes me happy to know Lindsey loves me.