“For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness.
But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.”
1 Thessalonians 2:5, 7 ESV
http://bible.com/59/1th.2.5,7.esv
As I read this, I think of a couple of things. I think of Christians who actually did suffer to be Christians, and who are still suffering today. I wonder how strong my faith would be under pressure. I think my faith is under some sort of pressure. Nothing like the early church, or what it's like in non Christian countries. I'm not persecuted. I might be thought if as a bigot, or ignorant among some of my peers. But I also have people among my demographic that are outspoken. Academics like the Liturgists. Former screamo guys on BC Pod.
So, I'm not persecuted.
It's also easy for me to criticize the church while reading this. I think of mega churches. Is it up to me to criticize? I've got my own problems. I can choose not to attend a mega church...
It does make me feel uneasy. The way these churches operate. Thousands attend each Sunday. They pull in tons of money. I have no idea how much money is received. I don't remember Calvary publishing weekly giving amounts. Sagebrush did, I think. If I remember correctly, it was close to $1,000,000. I would venture to guess that Calvary receives more, because I would assume they have a larger congregation. I may be wrong though.
What does money have to do with things? What I read says that they didn't come with words of flattery. What motivates someone to flatter? Either they respect the other persons position of authority, or they're selling something. They said they didn't come with a pretext for greed.
I might be bitter. But I could never imagine Skip calling out his congregation. Like really calling them out. I couldn't imagine Skip putting out a message that would potentially repel a long time tither...a customer. I feel like megachurches, including Calvary look at Christians as customers. They feed them with nice things. A nice building. A comfortable environment. A feel good story. An entertaining worship service.
People walk away feeling good, but not really challenged in any way.
People give their 10%--pay their dues. Trust the church will do something nice with it, then go on their way. This was me at one point. Maybe even today.
Is it okay for these guys to profit. To have giant salaries. They started the church. People attended. What's the difference between a mega church pastor that started a church plant and a small business owner who found success?
Churches don't pay taxes. That's one. I think the mission of the church is to love in their community. When money is the mission, it's lost. When a church goer is a customer, and not a fellow follower of Christ, I think the mission is lost.
So, here you have it.
Mothers nursing. Talking to Lindsey, she's told me it's a very special experience nursing. I remember three instances that were very special. The first time she nursed each of our three kids. Her face was pure joy and happiness. A face full of love.
24 March 2017
19 March 2017
Sunday Thoughts
“For they themselves report concerning us the kind of reception we had among you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God, and to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, Jesus who delivers us from the wrath to come.”
1 Thessalonians 1:9-10 ESV
http://bible.com/59/1th.1.9-10.esv
The early church. I have a lot to learn, my attention is brought to it right now. I'm thinking about this verse here--or couple of verses, rather. They turned from idols to serve the living, true God. What did that look like? What was an idol for them back then?
I'll identify a few idols I have and what I think are idols in our culture today. First, I'd like to define "idol".
Google says:
i·dol
ˈīdl/
noun
noun: idol; plural noun: idols
an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.
synonyms: icon, representation of a god, image, effigy, statue, figure, figurine, fetish, totem; More
graven image, false god, golden calf
"a throng of men gathered in worship of a golden idol"
a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered.
"movie idol Robert Redford"
synonyms: hero, heroine, star, superstar, icon, celebrity; More
favorite, darling, pet, beloved;
informalpinup, heartthrob, dreamboat, golden boy/girl, Adonis, Greek god
"a teen idol"
Alright. The Greek origin says "form, shape". Not exactly what I thought it would be. So, I'll have to guess the Greeks were worshiping physical shapes. Images of gods. I don't do that, do I? I don't have physical shapes of gods in my house. What's a god? An object, person, deity worshiped. Basically what google says.
Okay. So what, or who do I worship? I claim to worship Jesus.
Last night, I was talking to Lindsey about my priorities. What's on my mind the most. For sure it's life. Life is getting my work done. Lesson planning. Reflecting on being s better teacher. It's school. My school. Completing work I need to do, well. It's keeping my head above water with all the events that require my attendance. It's making time in these busy times to relax. Play video games. Lay on the couch. Drink beer.
So. Life could be my idol, I suppose. I think a lot about all these things. All these thing cause me a great deal of stress. You know, keeping up. I worry. I stress. That's my idol.
What else? Technology, for sure. I think of tech as a fascination. But, it's in my mind for a large percentage of the day. I think about it. I admire it. I admire the way software looks. The way the case of a compute feels. Processor speeds, amount of cores. GPUs. RAM.
I can't help it. I'm interested. I'm not even an expert. I just think it's cool.
So, yes. Tech is an idol.
Alright. What are idols in our culture? I'd say owning a home. Our homes.
Man. It's hard to find a place to start. In America, anything could be worshiped. People. Houses. Cars. Tech. Money. Church. Your self. Pets. Movies. You name it. We have an abundance of stuff that's available to worship. And we do.
I'll revisit the verses now. Thessaloniki turned from those idols--I'm guessing images of Greek gods. They turned to Jesus. Or, was it the Hebrew God? Did the early church worship Jesus as God? Did they understand the trinity? Serious question.
Anyway. They turned from those idols and worshiped God.
In church today, we talked about pain, suffering, and questions we ask as humans. Pain and suffering is hard to understand. It's hard to accept. Especially if you believe in an all-powerful God. Logic says, if God's all-powerful, and all-loving, suffering shouldn't exists. Yet it does.
I've had a hard time with this.
There are still questions. A lot of them. Here are some things I'm confident in, though:
Nature is awesome. Detail abounds. From the atoms arranged in our bodies, to the stars and planets in Space. Nature is awesome.
Love exists. I love so much. We love so much. It could be a function of evolution, which is fine with me. But, it exists. Love is an incredible force. We need to be social. We have to be together. Loving each other. Sharing meals with each other. Love exists.
Then, there's humans. We realize live exists. And we can observe how fucked up this world is. Even thinking about Albuquerque. Drug addiction. Homelessness. Selfishness. It rules our community. Our community is super broken, it's apparent.
It's apparent it needs to be fixed. The gospel says Jesus fixed it. The gospel says Jesus suffered to end suffering. I've heard it a thousand times. I don't understand it completely. But gospel. God himself fixed it.
This needs more explaining. Jesus suffered to end suffering. How does this work? I can put things together. The Universe is complex. This doesn't mean it was created, necessarily. But, it exists. And that alone is crazy to me. I appreciate it. That's crazy to me, too.
Are there cosmic rules I just don't understand? Is this where my logic should take over and I should ditch this idea altogether? A lot of people would say yes. What's holding me back are the things I've already talked about. Love. Community. Nature.
I'll keep searching.
1 Thessalonians 1:9-10 ESV
http://bible.com/59/1th.1.9-10.esv
The early church. I have a lot to learn, my attention is brought to it right now. I'm thinking about this verse here--or couple of verses, rather. They turned from idols to serve the living, true God. What did that look like? What was an idol for them back then?
I'll identify a few idols I have and what I think are idols in our culture today. First, I'd like to define "idol".
Google says:
i·dol
ˈīdl/
noun
noun: idol; plural noun: idols
an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.
synonyms: icon, representation of a god, image, effigy, statue, figure, figurine, fetish, totem; More
graven image, false god, golden calf
"a throng of men gathered in worship of a golden idol"
a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered.
"movie idol Robert Redford"
synonyms: hero, heroine, star, superstar, icon, celebrity; More
favorite, darling, pet, beloved;
informalpinup, heartthrob, dreamboat, golden boy/girl, Adonis, Greek god
"a teen idol"
Alright. The Greek origin says "form, shape". Not exactly what I thought it would be. So, I'll have to guess the Greeks were worshiping physical shapes. Images of gods. I don't do that, do I? I don't have physical shapes of gods in my house. What's a god? An object, person, deity worshiped. Basically what google says.
Okay. So what, or who do I worship? I claim to worship Jesus.
Last night, I was talking to Lindsey about my priorities. What's on my mind the most. For sure it's life. Life is getting my work done. Lesson planning. Reflecting on being s better teacher. It's school. My school. Completing work I need to do, well. It's keeping my head above water with all the events that require my attendance. It's making time in these busy times to relax. Play video games. Lay on the couch. Drink beer.
So. Life could be my idol, I suppose. I think a lot about all these things. All these thing cause me a great deal of stress. You know, keeping up. I worry. I stress. That's my idol.
What else? Technology, for sure. I think of tech as a fascination. But, it's in my mind for a large percentage of the day. I think about it. I admire it. I admire the way software looks. The way the case of a compute feels. Processor speeds, amount of cores. GPUs. RAM.
I can't help it. I'm interested. I'm not even an expert. I just think it's cool.
So, yes. Tech is an idol.
Alright. What are idols in our culture? I'd say owning a home. Our homes.
Man. It's hard to find a place to start. In America, anything could be worshiped. People. Houses. Cars. Tech. Money. Church. Your self. Pets. Movies. You name it. We have an abundance of stuff that's available to worship. And we do.
I'll revisit the verses now. Thessaloniki turned from those idols--I'm guessing images of Greek gods. They turned to Jesus. Or, was it the Hebrew God? Did the early church worship Jesus as God? Did they understand the trinity? Serious question.
Anyway. They turned from those idols and worshiped God.
In church today, we talked about pain, suffering, and questions we ask as humans. Pain and suffering is hard to understand. It's hard to accept. Especially if you believe in an all-powerful God. Logic says, if God's all-powerful, and all-loving, suffering shouldn't exists. Yet it does.
I've had a hard time with this.
There are still questions. A lot of them. Here are some things I'm confident in, though:
Nature is awesome. Detail abounds. From the atoms arranged in our bodies, to the stars and planets in Space. Nature is awesome.
Love exists. I love so much. We love so much. It could be a function of evolution, which is fine with me. But, it exists. Love is an incredible force. We need to be social. We have to be together. Loving each other. Sharing meals with each other. Love exists.
Then, there's humans. We realize live exists. And we can observe how fucked up this world is. Even thinking about Albuquerque. Drug addiction. Homelessness. Selfishness. It rules our community. Our community is super broken, it's apparent.
It's apparent it needs to be fixed. The gospel says Jesus fixed it. The gospel says Jesus suffered to end suffering. I've heard it a thousand times. I don't understand it completely. But gospel. God himself fixed it.
This needs more explaining. Jesus suffered to end suffering. How does this work? I can put things together. The Universe is complex. This doesn't mean it was created, necessarily. But, it exists. And that alone is crazy to me. I appreciate it. That's crazy to me, too.
Are there cosmic rules I just don't understand? Is this where my logic should take over and I should ditch this idea altogether? A lot of people would say yes. What's holding me back are the things I've already talked about. Love. Community. Nature.
I'll keep searching.
14 March 2017
Exhale
Okay. Here I am. I feel like pressure is hitting me from all directions. I should be doing work, but I feel like I need this for mental health. Some things on my mind include: commuting on my bike, domain 1, CNM, selling our house...faith. This is all on my mind and it's all overwhelming me. It's hard for me to sort out everything that needs to be done and make a plan to accomplish those things.
I would say I do have a priority list that's already made up in my mind. I'd say that CNM is number one. I'm going to CNM to get my teaching license. Right now, I'm teaching under an internship license, and I'll have to apply for my full license when I'm finished with the CNM program. There's one problem. My lesson planning class. I've turned in three lesson plans and it turns out they don't align completely. I took the professor's comments and applied them to my work, and I'm still missing something. I'm stressing out. I'll be meeting with her soon, so I hope she'll help clarify what she's expecting, and help me identify what I'm doing wrong. I'll feel much better when that class is sorted out.
Next, is my bike. I would say this is a misplaced priority, but I can't help but think about it. I want to commute to work on my bike. I save money. I get much needed exercise. But, I'm also terrified I'll be hit again. Right. Again. Yesterday, a driver took a right turn in front of me and we collided. I spilled off my bike onto her trunk. It wasn't bad. But, what if it was worse? It could have been worse. I see ghost bikes all around town. Lots of people are distracted while they drive. They are doing so many things. Life is overwhelming to many other people, too. I know how they feel. I know how they feel it's important to call Comcast while they drive to sort out the bill they were overcharged on. Or, they're talking to their spouse to organize child care for an event they're going to. Or, they're laughing with a friend over text messaging. Or, they're changing a song. Closing a sale over text. Organizing a meeting with coworkers on the phone. You name it. People do it while they drive. It doesn't make me feel good while I'm on my bike.
It was hard for me to gather the motivation to get on my bike in the first place. Driving my car to work is much easier than riding my bike. Especially during the winter months. But, now I'm here. Motivated. Used to it. Getting exercise. I feel like I shouldn't anymore. I feel like a worse collision could happen based on what I know about drivers. There's conflict there in my mind. I'm battling with it now, and it's adding to my stress load.
Work. Domain 1 is what I'm thinking about now, and what I should probably be doing now instead of writing here. I have to provide examples of my lesson plans, unit plans, knowledge of content, etc. The PED wants to know that I'm a competent teacher--which is fine.
Faith. This is a low priority for me. It just is. I don't know why. I want to be a good person. I want to be a person that cares for people. I want to be a person that makes a difference in my community, that puts my self aside. That's what my faith teaches me... I could talk more about what's on my mind there. I guess I think Christianity in our culture has been on my mind. The Christianity I grew up with, I want nothing to do with. I have no interest in closing myself off to everyone. Isolating myself and alienating everyone else. I don't want music, TV shows, and movies made for Christians. I don't want that. I don't want to express to the world everything I'm against, instead of letting them know what I'm for.
Facebook. Right? I see things posted that I grew up agreeing with. Like this image:
Or, family members of mine expressing their frustration in Target for their stance on bathrooms and transgender people using them. Boycotting Disney for portraying a gay character in a movie.
That's not me. But that's them. That's where I came from. It's okay for them to be them. And it's okay for me to be me. Right? I can still love my family. I can still respect evangelical Christians who I'm beginning to disagree with more and more. I feel like God designed me to be more than what my religion says I am. I'm not a robot. I have a brain. I can think for myself. I can read and interpret and apply information to the real world. I don't have to be a republican if I don't want to be a republican. I can hate "God's Not Dead" and the "Newsboys" because it's terrible art (in my opinion). I can! I can say I'll choose to love a transgender person, because they are people.
So, there's that. I feel overwhelmed. I feel bruised and battered emotionally and physically, and after yesterday, I'm physically bruised. I just had to write it out. Think about it as it goes from my brain, to the keyboard, to the screen in front of me. I'm not sure if I'll ride my bike tomorrow, but I do know I'm going to drink a nice, dark, local beer here in a few minutes.
I would say I do have a priority list that's already made up in my mind. I'd say that CNM is number one. I'm going to CNM to get my teaching license. Right now, I'm teaching under an internship license, and I'll have to apply for my full license when I'm finished with the CNM program. There's one problem. My lesson planning class. I've turned in three lesson plans and it turns out they don't align completely. I took the professor's comments and applied them to my work, and I'm still missing something. I'm stressing out. I'll be meeting with her soon, so I hope she'll help clarify what she's expecting, and help me identify what I'm doing wrong. I'll feel much better when that class is sorted out.
Next, is my bike. I would say this is a misplaced priority, but I can't help but think about it. I want to commute to work on my bike. I save money. I get much needed exercise. But, I'm also terrified I'll be hit again. Right. Again. Yesterday, a driver took a right turn in front of me and we collided. I spilled off my bike onto her trunk. It wasn't bad. But, what if it was worse? It could have been worse. I see ghost bikes all around town. Lots of people are distracted while they drive. They are doing so many things. Life is overwhelming to many other people, too. I know how they feel. I know how they feel it's important to call Comcast while they drive to sort out the bill they were overcharged on. Or, they're talking to their spouse to organize child care for an event they're going to. Or, they're laughing with a friend over text messaging. Or, they're changing a song. Closing a sale over text. Organizing a meeting with coworkers on the phone. You name it. People do it while they drive. It doesn't make me feel good while I'm on my bike.
It was hard for me to gather the motivation to get on my bike in the first place. Driving my car to work is much easier than riding my bike. Especially during the winter months. But, now I'm here. Motivated. Used to it. Getting exercise. I feel like I shouldn't anymore. I feel like a worse collision could happen based on what I know about drivers. There's conflict there in my mind. I'm battling with it now, and it's adding to my stress load.
Work. Domain 1 is what I'm thinking about now, and what I should probably be doing now instead of writing here. I have to provide examples of my lesson plans, unit plans, knowledge of content, etc. The PED wants to know that I'm a competent teacher--which is fine.
Faith. This is a low priority for me. It just is. I don't know why. I want to be a good person. I want to be a person that cares for people. I want to be a person that makes a difference in my community, that puts my self aside. That's what my faith teaches me... I could talk more about what's on my mind there. I guess I think Christianity in our culture has been on my mind. The Christianity I grew up with, I want nothing to do with. I have no interest in closing myself off to everyone. Isolating myself and alienating everyone else. I don't want music, TV shows, and movies made for Christians. I don't want that. I don't want to express to the world everything I'm against, instead of letting them know what I'm for.
Facebook. Right? I see things posted that I grew up agreeing with. Like this image:
Or, family members of mine expressing their frustration in Target for their stance on bathrooms and transgender people using them. Boycotting Disney for portraying a gay character in a movie.
That's not me. But that's them. That's where I came from. It's okay for them to be them. And it's okay for me to be me. Right? I can still love my family. I can still respect evangelical Christians who I'm beginning to disagree with more and more. I feel like God designed me to be more than what my religion says I am. I'm not a robot. I have a brain. I can think for myself. I can read and interpret and apply information to the real world. I don't have to be a republican if I don't want to be a republican. I can hate "God's Not Dead" and the "Newsboys" because it's terrible art (in my opinion). I can! I can say I'll choose to love a transgender person, because they are people.
So, there's that. I feel overwhelmed. I feel bruised and battered emotionally and physically, and after yesterday, I'm physically bruised. I just had to write it out. Think about it as it goes from my brain, to the keyboard, to the screen in front of me. I'm not sure if I'll ride my bike tomorrow, but I do know I'm going to drink a nice, dark, local beer here in a few minutes.
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