I set a goal, and I'm finishing it here. I had a few goals I wrote down here.
My blog post. What do I write? I don't have much on my mind. I just paid bills. That was great.
Bills. Budgets. Things. Lindsey and I had a conversation last night. I was pretty bummed out about those things. I had this feeling. A feeling of entitlement. I felt like I was entitled to a better car than I have. Maybe a Honda Civic si, or a Toyota 4Runner. I felt like I was entitled to a better house, one in a better neighborhood. I felt like I was entitled to more things. I just felt entitled.
Then I felt envious, a bit. I thought about other people and imagined what their salaries are. I imagined salaries much, much higher than mine is. I compared myself to them. I wondered if they're better than I am, more motivated, smarter, more handsome, better interviewers...just better at life. Or, I asked myself if I was just worse. Below average. They're normal, I'm the one that's bad at life.
There were thoughts I didn't like. And, I told Lindsey, "I'm sick and tired of this". She was strong. She talked to me about how enough is what we have. We have enough. Crazy. I just thought about what our pastor was talking about on Sunday. Maybe it was this last Sunday, maybe it was the Sunday before. He mentioned something about poverty, and that the opposite of poverty isn't wealth. The opposite of poverty is enough. People in poverty and deprived in some ways, and people who are prosperous are deprived in others. The opposite is enough...
I went off on a tangent. I was talking about my conversation with Lindsey. We talked about how we had enough. I see it. Our bills are paid. There's not much left, but our bills are paid.
I had more to say, but I got distracted. I think I was going to talk about minimalism. Yeah, I was going to mention minimalism. So, there's this podcast I listen to occasionally called Don't Feed the Trolls. There's an episode where they interviewed Jon Shneck (formally Relient K). He was talking about minimalism. When they were discussing this...movement, it sounded very appealing to me. I'm talking about this because I think it has a lot to do with my envy and my worry about money. There's so much crap I don't need or don't use. I want to investigate minimalism more.
That's all I've got for now. Perhaps I'll take some pictures this next week and post them here. Probably not though.
23 December 2016
22 December 2016
Coffee Made Me Do It
I'm really pushing myself to post this right now. I set a goal four days ago, that I would write in this blog every day this week. I've done so. But, it's hard.
So, I wouldn't be true to the theme of this blog if I didn't post something completely worthless. I have this weird OCD where I can't unplug my devices from charging unless they're fully charged. It's supper weird, but I can't. I shouldn't say, "can't". I just unplugged this MacBook Pro and it was 96%.
I like tech. Too much. I'm weird.
A couple other things. I was thinking about the blog post I posted yesterday. I said the f-word. You know... because it was on my mind. Language is weird to me. I shared my blog on Facebook. My mother in law in on there, my father in law, too. People in my community group, people that go to my church. What will they think about me? I'm talking about doubt and I said a cuss word.
I should worry about what people think about me, right? Well, maybe not worry. Worry sounds like that's all I think about. Maybe a better word would be "concerned"..."cognizant". Maybe not. Maybe I should just life. Maybe I should just say what I want on my blog, but be prepared for consequences.
I was also thinking about my blog post for other reasons. I shared it on Facebook. I usually don't do that. I felt like that post was appropriate, though. After I posted it, I immediately began to think about what other people would think about me. Would they see my spelling errors? Would they see my grammar errors? What about the way I think? Would I be judged? I care about what people think about me more than I thought. Maybe I should stop wasting brain power on that. At least not as much brain power.
--
I continued in my book. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. This chapter, chapter 7, I think, was about faith. By the way, I might be completely misinterpreting this book. What I saw, though, was Tozer explaining that faith comes from seeing, and he started talking about seeing God, keeping your gaze focused on God. So, faith isn't from seeing with your eyes, your physical eyes, but by keeping your focus on God every day, so thinking about God and meditating on who he is.
The chapter didn't ease any of my questions about what faith is or how to have more of it. I guess if all of your thoughts are on God, then you'll likely have more faith. But, this could be said of any religion or philosophy. If I'm thinking constantly about how I'll inherit a planet and have countless wives for me to populate that planet, sooner or later, I'll believe that. Or, any religious belief. I think every religion requires faith, what makes faith within Christianity different?
So, I wouldn't be true to the theme of this blog if I didn't post something completely worthless. I have this weird OCD where I can't unplug my devices from charging unless they're fully charged. It's supper weird, but I can't. I shouldn't say, "can't". I just unplugged this MacBook Pro and it was 96%.
I like tech. Too much. I'm weird.
A couple other things. I was thinking about the blog post I posted yesterday. I said the f-word. You know... because it was on my mind. Language is weird to me. I shared my blog on Facebook. My mother in law in on there, my father in law, too. People in my community group, people that go to my church. What will they think about me? I'm talking about doubt and I said a cuss word.
I should worry about what people think about me, right? Well, maybe not worry. Worry sounds like that's all I think about. Maybe a better word would be "concerned"..."cognizant". Maybe not. Maybe I should just life. Maybe I should just say what I want on my blog, but be prepared for consequences.
I was also thinking about my blog post for other reasons. I shared it on Facebook. I usually don't do that. I felt like that post was appropriate, though. After I posted it, I immediately began to think about what other people would think about me. Would they see my spelling errors? Would they see my grammar errors? What about the way I think? Would I be judged? I care about what people think about me more than I thought. Maybe I should stop wasting brain power on that. At least not as much brain power.
--
I continued in my book. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. This chapter, chapter 7, I think, was about faith. By the way, I might be completely misinterpreting this book. What I saw, though, was Tozer explaining that faith comes from seeing, and he started talking about seeing God, keeping your gaze focused on God. So, faith isn't from seeing with your eyes, your physical eyes, but by keeping your focus on God every day, so thinking about God and meditating on who he is.
The chapter didn't ease any of my questions about what faith is or how to have more of it. I guess if all of your thoughts are on God, then you'll likely have more faith. But, this could be said of any religion or philosophy. If I'm thinking constantly about how I'll inherit a planet and have countless wives for me to populate that planet, sooner or later, I'll believe that. Or, any religious belief. I think every religion requires faith, what makes faith within Christianity different?
21 December 2016
Faith
Day three of writing in my blog. Worthless information, I know. Well, perhaps when I'm long gone, bones left, my kids and their kids will find this bit of information valuable.
In fact, that's usually who I look at as my audience when I write here. Curiously, most of my hits on this blog have been from Russia. Don't know what's up with that. Anyway, I'm still talking to my kids and their kids.
It's a good day to write. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hanging out with my nephew (7) in addition to hanging out with my two sons and daughter (0.5-4). It was a bit hectic to say the least. My thoughts weren't gathered, a bit scattered. Today, I think my thoughts are more settled. Gathered. Plus, I'm drinking a beer, and I'm enjoying it. My mood is...chirpy(?). Optimistic, maybe. I don't know.
Speaking of beer. My diet crashed and burned yesterday. Hard. There were no survivors. Here's a screen shot of my calorie counter app:
My goal was to adhere to a low-carb diet--kietogenic. You can see, breakfast and lunch were fine, but then 3pm rolled around and I ate that piece of chocolate cake that was in my fridge. Then we went to our friends house and they served us lasagna. It was at that point I said in my head "fuck it". I didn't say it out loud, mostly because there were kids around... Zohan, the potty mouth, diet cheater!
So yeah, bad me. It's really hard for me to stick anything. I have intentions, then I last 24 hours at most. I did stick this kietogenic diet for a few months a while back, and I lost some serious poundage. I think I posted my line graph in a previous blog. So, I know it works. But...I love bread and beer so much. I'll ride my bike to work so my heart is healthy at least.
Enough on my diet. On to theology.
I didn't even read my book today. I was discouraged by that passage I read yesterday. I felt like it was saying screw your questions, just have faith. That's not me. I feel like I'm a naturally questioning person. I feel like I need an explanation for everything. I also have had the opportunity to see three young humans question everything about their environment. The more they question, the more they discover--and the questioning and discovery doesn't end. They just move on to the next question and discovery.
I have three kids, so I'll give three examples. Luke, my four year old, is discovering human nature. Our house was broken into a few months back. Now, he's asking questions why some people do bad things. Why can't they be kind? He asks. He watches the news with us every morning, he sees the children of Aleppo displaced, bombed, hurt, and orphaned, and he has compassion. He's learning. He's got him mommy's heart.
Riley. He's my 1.5 year old. He doesn't care for toys, but he's very much in tune with his senses of sight, touch, and taste. He sees something, walks to it, touches it, and looks at it closer, then he'll put it in his mouth. It's hard to keep up with this boy, but he's my explorer.
Juliette is very new to Earth. She arrived 0.5 years ago. All of her senses are super important to her. She's taking in tons of information every day. The pitch of our voices, the taste of her milk, the sound of her toys, the temperature of her room. Everything is new, and new humans are curious. She's discovering more at this stage, I think, than she will at any other stage of her life. Even gravity is new to her.
We're curious. So, in this book, for Mr. Tozer to tell me I should just have faith, and avoid a "self-centered" questioning approach to life, made me feel a little bit like an Atheist. I'm not an Atheist. I'm a Christian. I call myself a Christian. And I feel like our discoveries bring us closer to our creator. The complexities of our universe and our bodies put me in a state of wonder--awe. Nature. I go into nature, and I say "God is Here". But, it's beautiful. My brain takes in light, I see colors. Think about all that we've discovered just about that! Light from the Sun travels to Earth, strikes a pine needle, every color absorbed, except green--my eye takes in that light that's reflected, translates it, flips it. I see green. Add on that, I smell the aroma the forest puts out, I feel the cool air on my face, I hear wind passing through branches, broken up by the occasional tapping of a woodpecker, and chirps of birds. My brain takes in that raw information, and an emotion is triggered. An emotion that makes me feel that this was meant for me. This was made for me. And I feel the words, "I Am here". Emotion overtakes me, and I feel like I need to fall to the ground and worship.
I'm not the only person that's felt this. People, all over, on every continent, from every point in time, have felt this feeling. I feel like God is everywhere, in everything. And God is speaking. He's saying, "I'm here".
Isn't that what we like to hear, as humans? I'm here. I'm with you. When my daughter is crying, the first thing I do is pick her up, and I say, "I'm here, baby". When I'm in the forest, I feel like that's what God is telling me. "I'm here. You're my son. Don't be afraid."
My faith wavers. I'll ask questions. I'll be a skeptic, sometimes even a cynic. But, for me, God shows up in life.
In fact, that's usually who I look at as my audience when I write here. Curiously, most of my hits on this blog have been from Russia. Don't know what's up with that. Anyway, I'm still talking to my kids and their kids.
It's a good day to write. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of hanging out with my nephew (7) in addition to hanging out with my two sons and daughter (0.5-4). It was a bit hectic to say the least. My thoughts weren't gathered, a bit scattered. Today, I think my thoughts are more settled. Gathered. Plus, I'm drinking a beer, and I'm enjoying it. My mood is...chirpy(?). Optimistic, maybe. I don't know.
Speaking of beer. My diet crashed and burned yesterday. Hard. There were no survivors. Here's a screen shot of my calorie counter app:
So yeah, bad me. It's really hard for me to stick anything. I have intentions, then I last 24 hours at most. I did stick this kietogenic diet for a few months a while back, and I lost some serious poundage. I think I posted my line graph in a previous blog. So, I know it works. But...I love bread and beer so much. I'll ride my bike to work so my heart is healthy at least.
Enough on my diet. On to theology.
I didn't even read my book today. I was discouraged by that passage I read yesterday. I felt like it was saying screw your questions, just have faith. That's not me. I feel like I'm a naturally questioning person. I feel like I need an explanation for everything. I also have had the opportunity to see three young humans question everything about their environment. The more they question, the more they discover--and the questioning and discovery doesn't end. They just move on to the next question and discovery.
I have three kids, so I'll give three examples. Luke, my four year old, is discovering human nature. Our house was broken into a few months back. Now, he's asking questions why some people do bad things. Why can't they be kind? He asks. He watches the news with us every morning, he sees the children of Aleppo displaced, bombed, hurt, and orphaned, and he has compassion. He's learning. He's got him mommy's heart.
Riley. He's my 1.5 year old. He doesn't care for toys, but he's very much in tune with his senses of sight, touch, and taste. He sees something, walks to it, touches it, and looks at it closer, then he'll put it in his mouth. It's hard to keep up with this boy, but he's my explorer.
Juliette is very new to Earth. She arrived 0.5 years ago. All of her senses are super important to her. She's taking in tons of information every day. The pitch of our voices, the taste of her milk, the sound of her toys, the temperature of her room. Everything is new, and new humans are curious. She's discovering more at this stage, I think, than she will at any other stage of her life. Even gravity is new to her.
We're curious. So, in this book, for Mr. Tozer to tell me I should just have faith, and avoid a "self-centered" questioning approach to life, made me feel a little bit like an Atheist. I'm not an Atheist. I'm a Christian. I call myself a Christian. And I feel like our discoveries bring us closer to our creator. The complexities of our universe and our bodies put me in a state of wonder--awe. Nature. I go into nature, and I say "God is Here". But, it's beautiful. My brain takes in light, I see colors. Think about all that we've discovered just about that! Light from the Sun travels to Earth, strikes a pine needle, every color absorbed, except green--my eye takes in that light that's reflected, translates it, flips it. I see green. Add on that, I smell the aroma the forest puts out, I feel the cool air on my face, I hear wind passing through branches, broken up by the occasional tapping of a woodpecker, and chirps of birds. My brain takes in that raw information, and an emotion is triggered. An emotion that makes me feel that this was meant for me. This was made for me. And I feel the words, "I Am here". Emotion overtakes me, and I feel like I need to fall to the ground and worship.
I'm not the only person that's felt this. People, all over, on every continent, from every point in time, have felt this feeling. I feel like God is everywhere, in everything. And God is speaking. He's saying, "I'm here".
Isn't that what we like to hear, as humans? I'm here. I'm with you. When my daughter is crying, the first thing I do is pick her up, and I say, "I'm here, baby". When I'm in the forest, I feel like that's what God is telling me. "I'm here. You're my son. Don't be afraid."
My faith wavers. I'll ask questions. I'll be a skeptic, sometimes even a cynic. But, for me, God shows up in life.
20 December 2016
Aleppo, Tozer
Last night, Lindsey and I watched the "Year in Search" video. I hope Lindsey doesn't mind me sharing this story, but she started to cry around fifteen seconds in. It was an image of the boy in Aleppo. He's sitting in a medical setting, dust all over his body, his face has blood on it. He wipes his face with his hand, then looks at the blood on his hand. He's not crying, he just looks confused.
It touched Lindsey for a few reasons. First, this is something that's happening. People. Children. They're being bombed. Inside, we say, "this isn't right". People shouldn't have to suffer like this. Second, Lindsey found it incredibly wrong that this image was passed by, forgotten, put in an advertisement for Google search...
I think I understand Lindsey, too. I understand she hurts for people. She has compassion. She doesn't want to see this child suffer. The Google video made this child a part of an advertisement. It used our sense of compassion to make a product more appealing. If we're feeling emotion while we watch a video, we're more likely to use the product.
I held her for a while, we talked about the situation in Aleppo. We talked about how we love our kids, and no child should have to go through this tragedy.
And just like the video, I'm going to move on. Children are still orphaned, hurt, dying, or dead, and I'm moving on. I feel guilt. Like I have the capability of doing something and I'm not doing it. That image hurts me. What if that was my boy? I'd find a way to Syria and I would hug my boy, I'd tell him he's safe. I'm not doing that, though. I guess I need to think more about what's important in life.
I don't even want to talk about what else I was on my mind. I will anyway.
I'm reading this book The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. I don't know anything about the book, and just what I read on wikipedia about the author. I don't know if people think it's a good book, or a bad one. I guess that's good. I'm trying to form my own opinion. It was a free book, and at the very least, it's getting me to think about my faith.
I just finished chapter 7. Tozer talks about God's voice. Here's a paragraph that made me think:
“When God spoke out of heaven to our Lord, self-centered men who heard it explained it by natural causes: They said, it thundered. This habit of explaining the voice by appeals to natural law is at the very root of modern science. In the living, breathing cosmos, there is a mysterious something, too wonderful, too awful for any mind to understand. The believing man does not claim to understand. He falls to his knees and whispers, “God.” The man of earth kneels also, but not to worship. He kneels to examine, to search, to find the cause and the how of things.”
To me, it sounds like he's saying science is a self-centered approach to understanding the world. We should accept beauty around us as God's voice and leave it at that. I can't go along with that. I agree, the Universe is mysterious, and full of wonder, but the more we find out about it makes God more real to me. I feel like God's leaving us secrets in the Universe, and every time we find out a new secret, it points to God. The secrets are God's voice. Maybe. Just thinking out loud. There's so much to our Universe, and many unanswered questions...
I could write more, but I'm tired of writing.
19 December 2016
Disorganization
Two blog posts in one day. How about that? Well, it's winter break. I've got a bit more time on my hands. I've got the kids and Lindsey is at her first day of work. I'm balancing time between cleaning, spending quality time with the young humans, and reflecting in reading and writing. So far, it's alright.
I want to talk about this blog. Most of the time, when I write, it's in a journal--either an electronic journal (Journey on my laptop/desktop, DayOne on my iPad/iPhone), or a physical journal. My physical journal is a leather bound, black, journal. It's like a Moleskin, but not as nice. It's just about filled. I have a little over a year's worth of entries in that bad boy... I'll stop talking about journals.
What I'm trying to say is that if I've got something on my mind, I usually write it down in a journal, not a blog. I think I've been trying for a while to define what a blog is and what a journal is. My conclusion is that a journal is a reflection of things that are deep on your mind, things that you won't say out in the open. A blog is information that's worth sharing. Blog's I've seen are writings on life, spirituality, religion, or tech. These are things that other's find are valuable. Things that I find valuable. I don't think my blog is that. I don't think my blog holds value for anyone other than me.
But, my blog is on the internet, and I'm posting it here because I don't mind if someone reads it. It is a bit unnerving that it's here, out in the open. It's easy to find if you know me. I have the link on my Twitter profile... I guess if you're looking, you'll find my blog. There's a lot on the internet, and for someone to find my blog, even friends, is a long shot.
Alright, get to the point.
My point, again... I guess I don't have a point. Maybe I'm just wasting time.
I had one thought. It's about faith, of course. Most of my posts nowadays are on faith.
I tend to be a logical thinker. Like, I need evidence to validate an idea. There are some things that I don't have evidence for--a virgin birth of Jesus, a literal flood, a young Earth, Heaven, Hell.
What does this mean? Do I discard all of those ideas immediately because I don't have evidence? I think a lot of people would say very easily, "yes". I think there's much more to it. There's much more to life, I think. Consciousness. The Universe. Laws of nature. I'll write those things again.
Consciousness.
The Universe.
Laws of Nature.
How can these be explained? There must be an explanation? Right?
This is where faith comes in. Sometimes there's just faith. Sometimes things can't be explained. My brain says "no" to that. My brain says that faith isn't needed. Ask a question, gather data, come up with an idea or prediction, test the prediction, collect and analyze that information, and come to a conclusion. Ugh!!!!
I can't come to the virgin birth with the scientific method. I mean, I can, but then my faith is gone. So, what's keeping me in faith? Why am I a Christian? Why do I have faith. I have some, otherwise I wouldn't be wrestling with this.
I'm a Christian. Because. I'm a Christian because I was born in the United States of America. The odds were good for me to be a Christian. But, what about now? I've thought about the odds, and I'm still a Christian. What makes Christianity real for me? I see truth in Jesus' teachings. But, is that it? What does the whole of Christianity say? What does it boil down to?
I think it boils down to a population of humans that have deficits in love and surpluses in selfishness. I guess you can say that's evolutionary. We have to look out for ourselves if we want our genes to go on. But, for some reason, I have compassion. How can compassion be explained? Someone, in some other country, is suffering in Syria, and I feel like I should do something. I feel hurt for them
I have more questions than answers right now. I'll think on these things and I'll write again tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts will be more organized then.
I want to talk about this blog. Most of the time, when I write, it's in a journal--either an electronic journal (Journey on my laptop/desktop, DayOne on my iPad/iPhone), or a physical journal. My physical journal is a leather bound, black, journal. It's like a Moleskin, but not as nice. It's just about filled. I have a little over a year's worth of entries in that bad boy... I'll stop talking about journals.
What I'm trying to say is that if I've got something on my mind, I usually write it down in a journal, not a blog. I think I've been trying for a while to define what a blog is and what a journal is. My conclusion is that a journal is a reflection of things that are deep on your mind, things that you won't say out in the open. A blog is information that's worth sharing. Blog's I've seen are writings on life, spirituality, religion, or tech. These are things that other's find are valuable. Things that I find valuable. I don't think my blog is that. I don't think my blog holds value for anyone other than me.
But, my blog is on the internet, and I'm posting it here because I don't mind if someone reads it. It is a bit unnerving that it's here, out in the open. It's easy to find if you know me. I have the link on my Twitter profile... I guess if you're looking, you'll find my blog. There's a lot on the internet, and for someone to find my blog, even friends, is a long shot.
Alright, get to the point.
My point, again... I guess I don't have a point. Maybe I'm just wasting time.
I had one thought. It's about faith, of course. Most of my posts nowadays are on faith.
I tend to be a logical thinker. Like, I need evidence to validate an idea. There are some things that I don't have evidence for--a virgin birth of Jesus, a literal flood, a young Earth, Heaven, Hell.
What does this mean? Do I discard all of those ideas immediately because I don't have evidence? I think a lot of people would say very easily, "yes". I think there's much more to it. There's much more to life, I think. Consciousness. The Universe. Laws of nature. I'll write those things again.
Consciousness.
The Universe.
Laws of Nature.
How can these be explained? There must be an explanation? Right?
This is where faith comes in. Sometimes there's just faith. Sometimes things can't be explained. My brain says "no" to that. My brain says that faith isn't needed. Ask a question, gather data, come up with an idea or prediction, test the prediction, collect and analyze that information, and come to a conclusion. Ugh!!!!
I can't come to the virgin birth with the scientific method. I mean, I can, but then my faith is gone. So, what's keeping me in faith? Why am I a Christian? Why do I have faith. I have some, otherwise I wouldn't be wrestling with this.
I'm a Christian. Because. I'm a Christian because I was born in the United States of America. The odds were good for me to be a Christian. But, what about now? I've thought about the odds, and I'm still a Christian. What makes Christianity real for me? I see truth in Jesus' teachings. But, is that it? What does the whole of Christianity say? What does it boil down to?
I think it boils down to a population of humans that have deficits in love and surpluses in selfishness. I guess you can say that's evolutionary. We have to look out for ourselves if we want our genes to go on. But, for some reason, I have compassion. How can compassion be explained? Someone, in some other country, is suffering in Syria, and I feel like I should do something. I feel hurt for them
I have more questions than answers right now. I'll think on these things and I'll write again tomorrow. Hopefully my thoughts will be more organized then.
Goals
It's winter break! I have a couple of goals over the break. They may be difficult, but I'll try my best to achieve them.
I'm not one to number, but I'll do that here.
1. Read at least a page of a book each day.
2. Write a blog post every day.
3. Take a photo each day.
4. Adhere to my ketogenic diet.
I'll write more when the kids are napping. :)
I'm not one to number, but I'll do that here.
1. Read at least a page of a book each day.
2. Write a blog post every day.
3. Take a photo each day.
4. Adhere to my ketogenic diet.
I'll write more when the kids are napping. :)
22 November 2016
Jesus We Love You
I'm kinda casually reading this book. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. It was a free book on iBooks for my iPad. I would like to read more. I think I've said this before, but I think I have an undiagnosed condition that hinders my reading. Maybe it's with attention, maybe it's with comprehension. I'm not sure. Maybe it's not a condition, maybe I just have a harder time than most.
Anyway, I'm trying to make an effort to read more. For a couple of reasons: I want to know more. I want knowledge. And when I'm reading a book, I'm not playing Clash Royale, or looking at Facebook, or reading about the terrible news that's being reported. I think all of those things have their place. Facebook is good, in moderation. I want to hear about what's happening in other peoples life and fake news is amusing at times. Clash Royale is probably not good for my brain. I don't know. There's some strategy there... I could try and try to justify it, but it could go away. The news. Oh, the news. I understand why some people want to stick their head in the sand. I do think it's good to be aware of your surroundings, it's just hard to discern what's news and what's not. What's opinion and what's an unbiased report?
I could go on and on about news. I know there's a lot of talk about mainstream media and fake news on social media. What a time we live in. I think our culture is trying to catch up to our technology. It's interesting to watch, but a bit scary at the same time.
So, books. This book I'm casually reading is interesting so far. It's an easy read--a short book. I think I've read the first two chapters. Good stuff. I know it's good stuff, but I don't remember much of it. See what I'm saying? It's difficult for me to remember what I've read. I don't retain these things. I know if I were to "leaf" through my digital copy of the book, I'd be reminded of what I read. I know the second chapter was about things. Humans need things. At least we think we need things.
It was a good read for me and timely. I was thinking about contentment this past week. It's difficult for me to be content. In the book, Tozer talks about what Jesus said by leaving everything, taking up your cross and following.
We live in such a wasteful culture. We have more than enough. Bounty. Yet, I see people who I perceive as being better off, and I envy. It just happens. Then I wonder why I'm not good enough. I wonder why I can't be as "well off" as them. I look at my situation as poverty.
Tozer talked about the situation in the Old Testament with Abraham and Isaac. Abraham looked at Isaac as his prized possession. He loved him, but it consumed him. Isaac was his idol and there wasn't room for God in Abraham's heart. I've always looked at this story as harsh. But, I guess I see the point. God brought Abraham down. In Abraham's mind, Isaac was gone. Abraham was deprived his everything. So, when it ended up that he didn't have to kill Isaac, he knew. He knew that nothing else mattered. It's still a little hard for me to wrap my head around...
I also read Philippians yesterday. So good.
Philippians 4 ESV
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Content. Find ways for your heart to open up to the sacred. Live simply. I know there's something there, I'm still trying to figure it out. The Universe gives me bits of truth. And I wonder at it. Right now, I'm teaching kids about cells and what they do. We started the unit by looking at scale. (http://htwins.net/scale2/). It's incredible. Technology has allowed us to look at the insanely tiny all the way to the insanely huge. This is where we live. Are there things that are smaller than the smallest, or larger than the largest? How did this all come about? And cells. Every tiny little cell has a job to do. Every tiny little cell has detail. It's mind blowing.
And I have a purpose.
Phil. 3:7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
This dude was golden. Paul. He's a Jew of Jews. Accepted. He's studied--academic. But all of that was counted as loss in comparison to knowing this man, Christ.
Things don't matter. My Apple devices don't matter. My bike, my car, my house doesn't matter. There's a deeper purpose. A connection with the cosmic. A connection with the Universe. Knowledge, understanding, awareness. There's love. I have no clue. I'm trying to figure this out.
Anyway, I'm trying to make an effort to read more. For a couple of reasons: I want to know more. I want knowledge. And when I'm reading a book, I'm not playing Clash Royale, or looking at Facebook, or reading about the terrible news that's being reported. I think all of those things have their place. Facebook is good, in moderation. I want to hear about what's happening in other peoples life and fake news is amusing at times. Clash Royale is probably not good for my brain. I don't know. There's some strategy there... I could try and try to justify it, but it could go away. The news. Oh, the news. I understand why some people want to stick their head in the sand. I do think it's good to be aware of your surroundings, it's just hard to discern what's news and what's not. What's opinion and what's an unbiased report?
I could go on and on about news. I know there's a lot of talk about mainstream media and fake news on social media. What a time we live in. I think our culture is trying to catch up to our technology. It's interesting to watch, but a bit scary at the same time.
So, books. This book I'm casually reading is interesting so far. It's an easy read--a short book. I think I've read the first two chapters. Good stuff. I know it's good stuff, but I don't remember much of it. See what I'm saying? It's difficult for me to remember what I've read. I don't retain these things. I know if I were to "leaf" through my digital copy of the book, I'd be reminded of what I read. I know the second chapter was about things. Humans need things. At least we think we need things.
It was a good read for me and timely. I was thinking about contentment this past week. It's difficult for me to be content. In the book, Tozer talks about what Jesus said by leaving everything, taking up your cross and following.
We live in such a wasteful culture. We have more than enough. Bounty. Yet, I see people who I perceive as being better off, and I envy. It just happens. Then I wonder why I'm not good enough. I wonder why I can't be as "well off" as them. I look at my situation as poverty.
Tozer talked about the situation in the Old Testament with Abraham and Isaac. Abraham looked at Isaac as his prized possession. He loved him, but it consumed him. Isaac was his idol and there wasn't room for God in Abraham's heart. I've always looked at this story as harsh. But, I guess I see the point. God brought Abraham down. In Abraham's mind, Isaac was gone. Abraham was deprived his everything. So, when it ended up that he didn't have to kill Isaac, he knew. He knew that nothing else mattered. It's still a little hard for me to wrap my head around...
I also read Philippians yesterday. So good.
Philippians 4 ESV
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Content. Find ways for your heart to open up to the sacred. Live simply. I know there's something there, I'm still trying to figure it out. The Universe gives me bits of truth. And I wonder at it. Right now, I'm teaching kids about cells and what they do. We started the unit by looking at scale. (http://htwins.net/scale2/). It's incredible. Technology has allowed us to look at the insanely tiny all the way to the insanely huge. This is where we live. Are there things that are smaller than the smallest, or larger than the largest? How did this all come about? And cells. Every tiny little cell has a job to do. Every tiny little cell has detail. It's mind blowing.
And I have a purpose.
Phil. 3:7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.
This dude was golden. Paul. He's a Jew of Jews. Accepted. He's studied--academic. But all of that was counted as loss in comparison to knowing this man, Christ.
Things don't matter. My Apple devices don't matter. My bike, my car, my house doesn't matter. There's a deeper purpose. A connection with the cosmic. A connection with the Universe. Knowledge, understanding, awareness. There's love. I have no clue. I'm trying to figure this out.
13 November 2016
Tech, Life and So On
I'm pretty sure I'll be writing here more. I know I've been saying this for some time now. I'm holding our for Journey to release the iOS app. Hopefully soon. They say on their Twitter that it'll be sometime before the end of the year. I hope sooner than later. Not a big deal either way.
So this week. I think that's what I want to write about. There are a lot of things going on at work. I have an observation happening by my mentor teacher. We then have to debrief. Maybe after class. I'm not sure.
The leaves are finally falling. We have a deciduous tree in our backyard. I'm not sure the species. It's a pretty tree. The leaves are narrow. In the summer it provides a good amount of shade. It's my favorite tree that we have.
I was going to write about the weather, but that's kinda boring. I'm going to write about technology instead. I like technology...a lot. I think that's not a secret. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on technology, but I know a bit. I use a lot of computers on a daily basis. I have a computer in my pocket, on my wrist, on my desk, in my lap, another on a desk and another on my lap. Oh yeah, and I use a dang tablet and a Wii U. I'm hooked. It's borderline unhealthy. I've identified I've got a problem and I'm working on improving.
Let's talk about the new MacBook Pro for a few sentences. It's nice. Really nice. I've heard some complaints about it though. USB-C is the port of the future. And it's not Apple exclusive. Google put it on it's Chrombook Pixel a while back. The new Pixel phone uses USB-C. I'll be a lot of computers in the future will use USB-C. It's a port that can do more. I guess people are not happy with having to use an adaptor for everything. Whatever, I guess. I won't buy one. I'm happy with my work issued mid 2012 MacBook Pro. It even has a CD-ROM! haha.
What else is going on? Well, I've been riding my bike to work almost every day. Last week I was lazy and only rode one day. It's also gotten a bit cooler. I know this week we're hovering around the upper 30s and low 40s. I'll be alright. Bundle up.
I also had theology on my mind. I'm going to wait on that, though. My theology has been wonky since this election. I'm toying around with what's important and what's not. Like, is politics really that important? Should I put a lot of energy into following what a president does, or thinks? What about law? Government has been a topic that's important for humans since populations began to rise. We need a ruler. We need government. Israel demanded it, and so do we, I guess. As a Christian, I have a responsibility. I have responsibilities, I'm sure. I'm trying to figure out what those are. I know I need to love my neighbor. I know I need to take care of the orphans, the widows and those that are marginalized. However that is. I have a talent..maybe. I'm trying to figure out what that is, too.
So, no fighting on Facebook. Love people I come in contact with. Don't idolize technology. Treat people I love with respect, with love. Take others into consideration above myself. I think I'll be alright.
At church, we've been going through Song of Songs. We've been focusing on marriage. I think this is my focus right now. It's difficult, I'll be honest. But, here's what I noticed about today's teaching. 1. pray together (meditate), 2. read together (learn), 3. be on mission together (discuss, think about each other).
This is hard, because schedules are full and free time is usually used to watch Netflix... So, there needs to be sacrifice. We'll try it this week. Stay strong. Use self control. Be a better person. That's the point, right? Maybe. I don't know yet. If you find out first, please let me know. K, bye.
So this week. I think that's what I want to write about. There are a lot of things going on at work. I have an observation happening by my mentor teacher. We then have to debrief. Maybe after class. I'm not sure.
The leaves are finally falling. We have a deciduous tree in our backyard. I'm not sure the species. It's a pretty tree. The leaves are narrow. In the summer it provides a good amount of shade. It's my favorite tree that we have.
I was going to write about the weather, but that's kinda boring. I'm going to write about technology instead. I like technology...a lot. I think that's not a secret. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on technology, but I know a bit. I use a lot of computers on a daily basis. I have a computer in my pocket, on my wrist, on my desk, in my lap, another on a desk and another on my lap. Oh yeah, and I use a dang tablet and a Wii U. I'm hooked. It's borderline unhealthy. I've identified I've got a problem and I'm working on improving.
Let's talk about the new MacBook Pro for a few sentences. It's nice. Really nice. I've heard some complaints about it though. USB-C is the port of the future. And it's not Apple exclusive. Google put it on it's Chrombook Pixel a while back. The new Pixel phone uses USB-C. I'll be a lot of computers in the future will use USB-C. It's a port that can do more. I guess people are not happy with having to use an adaptor for everything. Whatever, I guess. I won't buy one. I'm happy with my work issued mid 2012 MacBook Pro. It even has a CD-ROM! haha.
What else is going on? Well, I've been riding my bike to work almost every day. Last week I was lazy and only rode one day. It's also gotten a bit cooler. I know this week we're hovering around the upper 30s and low 40s. I'll be alright. Bundle up.
I also had theology on my mind. I'm going to wait on that, though. My theology has been wonky since this election. I'm toying around with what's important and what's not. Like, is politics really that important? Should I put a lot of energy into following what a president does, or thinks? What about law? Government has been a topic that's important for humans since populations began to rise. We need a ruler. We need government. Israel demanded it, and so do we, I guess. As a Christian, I have a responsibility. I have responsibilities, I'm sure. I'm trying to figure out what those are. I know I need to love my neighbor. I know I need to take care of the orphans, the widows and those that are marginalized. However that is. I have a talent..maybe. I'm trying to figure out what that is, too.
So, no fighting on Facebook. Love people I come in contact with. Don't idolize technology. Treat people I love with respect, with love. Take others into consideration above myself. I think I'll be alright.
At church, we've been going through Song of Songs. We've been focusing on marriage. I think this is my focus right now. It's difficult, I'll be honest. But, here's what I noticed about today's teaching. 1. pray together (meditate), 2. read together (learn), 3. be on mission together (discuss, think about each other).
This is hard, because schedules are full and free time is usually used to watch Netflix... So, there needs to be sacrifice. We'll try it this week. Stay strong. Use self control. Be a better person. That's the point, right? Maybe. I don't know yet. If you find out first, please let me know. K, bye.
12 September 2016
Bubbles
I haven't written in a bit. Haha! I start a lot of my blog posts with that. Then I talk about how I start a lot of my blog posts by talking about how I talk about how I start my blog posts... What? Anyway. It's been a while. I've been super busy. New school. New students. New schedule. It's crazy, it really is. Rhythm, I'm trying to get in one. I think I'm almost there. There have been some things on my mind.
iPhone 7, my community, my job, biking to work, my kids, my marriage
I was about to say that the things I'm listing aren't in an order of importance. But, why did I write them down in that order? Maybe they are in order of importance. If that's the case, I've got some work to do this week.
Where I want to be.
My faith, my marriage, my kids, my community, my job, biking to work, iPhone 7
I won't talk about all those things here. I'll start with iPhone 7. First of all I don't want one. My brain thinks I want one, but I really don't. My brain is mistaken. I think the jet black color is neat. I think the camera improvements look cool, especially in the 7 Plus. Who doesn't want more processing power? Headphone jack is gone...(shrugs shoulders). Okay. iPhone 7 is done.
Next, my community. This last weekend, I went out with Lindsey and we handed out flyers to advertise a fund raiser for a non profit organization. It was great fun. We had a chance to talk with people in our community. We made conversation, and we met some people. But, there was one interaction that stuck with me. I walked into this locally run shop and I asked the person at the counter if they had a community board to post an announcement. She made a face. Not a happy face. Not a grumpy face. It was more of a suspicious face.
Before she agreed to anything, she asked to take a look at the flyer I had. I handed the flyer to her and she looked it over. It didn't seem long for her to decide that she was not going to post the flyer. I asked her why. She responded that she couldn't post flyers with the cross on it.
This is where she works. I was just a visitor. She has the say on what to post and what not to post. It's nice that they do have a community board. And she has every right to decide what's posted and what's not.
That being said, I didn't feel very good when I was denied the privilege to post this flyer. I like to be accepted and I wasn't. I was rejected. I was discriminated against. She had decided that I was a Christian and their store does not want "Christian" non-profit flyers posted at her store.
I talked to her for a bit. She explained to me why she didn't want to post it. I continued to gather information why. I wasn't a jerk. She wasn't either. We just talked. It's fine. When I walked out of the doors, I wondered if it was discrimination. That word gets tossed around a lot. Because it happens a lot. I'll be okay, but I started to think about all the people that felt like I did just then. People are discriminated against all the time.
I can change my religion. I'm making the choice to be a Christian. But, there are a lot of people who are discriminated against for things they can't help.
I learned a few things in that short interaction. People don't like Christians. People probably have good reasons for disliking Christians. Maybe they fill in the rest with some reasons that aren't that great. I want to be a reason for them to like Christians. I want to be in my community--interacting and helping regardless of who the person is. It's hard. It's hard to get past my own prejudices. It's hard to get over my selfishness and set time aside.
I thought I had more to say. I guess I don't. I'm not saying that Christians have it bad. I think we have it good. I'm not trying to say the person I spoke with was a jerk. She wasn't. She agreed to at least talk to me. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'm saying that Christians need to be better. We have a rep. We've separated ourselves from our community. We have our own music. We have out own buildings. We have out own schools. We have our own political party. We have our crowd that we feel comfortable around. We've made the bubble. Now, when I try to go out of the bubble, there's push back. What should I expect?
iPhone 7, my community, my job, biking to work, my kids, my marriage
I was about to say that the things I'm listing aren't in an order of importance. But, why did I write them down in that order? Maybe they are in order of importance. If that's the case, I've got some work to do this week.
Where I want to be.
My faith, my marriage, my kids, my community, my job, biking to work, iPhone 7
I won't talk about all those things here. I'll start with iPhone 7. First of all I don't want one. My brain thinks I want one, but I really don't. My brain is mistaken. I think the jet black color is neat. I think the camera improvements look cool, especially in the 7 Plus. Who doesn't want more processing power? Headphone jack is gone...(shrugs shoulders). Okay. iPhone 7 is done.
Next, my community. This last weekend, I went out with Lindsey and we handed out flyers to advertise a fund raiser for a non profit organization. It was great fun. We had a chance to talk with people in our community. We made conversation, and we met some people. But, there was one interaction that stuck with me. I walked into this locally run shop and I asked the person at the counter if they had a community board to post an announcement. She made a face. Not a happy face. Not a grumpy face. It was more of a suspicious face.
Before she agreed to anything, she asked to take a look at the flyer I had. I handed the flyer to her and she looked it over. It didn't seem long for her to decide that she was not going to post the flyer. I asked her why. She responded that she couldn't post flyers with the cross on it.
This is where she works. I was just a visitor. She has the say on what to post and what not to post. It's nice that they do have a community board. And she has every right to decide what's posted and what's not.
That being said, I didn't feel very good when I was denied the privilege to post this flyer. I like to be accepted and I wasn't. I was rejected. I was discriminated against. She had decided that I was a Christian and their store does not want "Christian" non-profit flyers posted at her store.
I talked to her for a bit. She explained to me why she didn't want to post it. I continued to gather information why. I wasn't a jerk. She wasn't either. We just talked. It's fine. When I walked out of the doors, I wondered if it was discrimination. That word gets tossed around a lot. Because it happens a lot. I'll be okay, but I started to think about all the people that felt like I did just then. People are discriminated against all the time.
I can change my religion. I'm making the choice to be a Christian. But, there are a lot of people who are discriminated against for things they can't help.
I learned a few things in that short interaction. People don't like Christians. People probably have good reasons for disliking Christians. Maybe they fill in the rest with some reasons that aren't that great. I want to be a reason for them to like Christians. I want to be in my community--interacting and helping regardless of who the person is. It's hard. It's hard to get past my own prejudices. It's hard to get over my selfishness and set time aside.
I thought I had more to say. I guess I don't. I'm not saying that Christians have it bad. I think we have it good. I'm not trying to say the person I spoke with was a jerk. She wasn't. She agreed to at least talk to me. I don't know what I'm saying. Maybe I'm saying that Christians need to be better. We have a rep. We've separated ourselves from our community. We have our own music. We have out own buildings. We have out own schools. We have our own political party. We have our crowd that we feel comfortable around. We've made the bubble. Now, when I try to go out of the bubble, there's push back. What should I expect?
01 July 2016
Spotify, Blink-182, Kings Kaleidoscope
Blink-182. They have a new record out today, California. I'm excited to hear it. I've heard a few songs already. As of about three days ago, I no longer have Apple Music. Gotta save some cash. So, this summer, I opted for the free (limited) subscription of Spotify. I've been pleased for the most part. It's free. I have to listen to advertisements every so often, I can still listen to entire albums from artists I like, but they have to be shuffled. No big deal.
There's this new album from Blink. I shuffled it this morning, but Spotify started throwing in tracks from older Blink-182 albums. I thought maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I'm shuffling the artist and not the selected album. Not the case. Although, I'm listening to the album now and it seems to be working alright.
There are two new albums I'm excited about. Blink. Because it's Blink, AND Skiba's a part of the band now. It's great. Like Blink-182 featuring Alkaline Trio. I like. I like.
The other album I'm excited brings some controversy. Yes, the controversy involves Christians. Kings Kaleidoscope released their newest last week. Can I put an emoji here? 😱😱 They say “fuck” in one of their songs. It sounds so silly and I didn't even want to be part of the discussion. Songs say “fuck” all the time. But, not “Christian” songs from “Christian” bands who sing worship songs that are played by worship bands in churches all over the country. It's a big deal. When I heard about it, I didn't think it was a big deal, because I'm probably a heretic. Just saying.
I was talking with Lindsey about it this morning. Last night, I was wasting time on Facebook, looking at the comments for the Kings Kaleidoscope post of the announcement for the album release. The comments began with excitement. Then they were curious–“what's up with this track that says explicit?”. Then it went to outrage. Some of these fools were straight heartbroken. I was telling Lindsey what I saw. Some guy's world had just been turned upside down. It's like he experienced a glitch in the matrix. I don't know the guy, but I'll bet he watches Game of Thrones, or movies that say “fuck” all the time. He might brush it off. Or, maybe when he's really pissed, or frustrated and the only word that works is “fuck!”. Maybe not. Maybe his language and what he chooses to consume is all PG. I don't know.
I was reminded about that scene in Anchor Man when Ron Burgundy read the TelePrompTer, “go fuck yourselves, San Diego”. Ron Burgundy! You're poop! Why did you have to go and do that?
Kings Kaleidoscope had to know that song would be the focus of the entire album. Maybe they wanted to start a discussion. Christianity isn't always pretty. Sometimes, when I call out to God, the only thing that describes how I feel is, “fuck! I'm hurting. I'm alone. I need help.” I think it's real. I've been there.
There are two new albums I'm excited about. Blink. Because it's Blink, AND Skiba's a part of the band now. It's great. Like Blink-182 featuring Alkaline Trio. I like. I like.
The other album I'm excited brings some controversy. Yes, the controversy involves Christians. Kings Kaleidoscope released their newest last week. Can I put an emoji here? 😱😱 They say “fuck” in one of their songs. It sounds so silly and I didn't even want to be part of the discussion. Songs say “fuck” all the time. But, not “Christian” songs from “Christian” bands who sing worship songs that are played by worship bands in churches all over the country. It's a big deal. When I heard about it, I didn't think it was a big deal, because I'm probably a heretic. Just saying.
I was talking with Lindsey about it this morning. Last night, I was wasting time on Facebook, looking at the comments for the Kings Kaleidoscope post of the announcement for the album release. The comments began with excitement. Then they were curious–“what's up with this track that says explicit?”. Then it went to outrage. Some of these fools were straight heartbroken. I was telling Lindsey what I saw. Some guy's world had just been turned upside down. It's like he experienced a glitch in the matrix. I don't know the guy, but I'll bet he watches Game of Thrones, or movies that say “fuck” all the time. He might brush it off. Or, maybe when he's really pissed, or frustrated and the only word that works is “fuck!”. Maybe not. Maybe his language and what he chooses to consume is all PG. I don't know.
I was reminded about that scene in Anchor Man when Ron Burgundy read the TelePrompTer, “go fuck yourselves, San Diego”. Ron Burgundy! You're poop! Why did you have to go and do that?
Kings Kaleidoscope had to know that song would be the focus of the entire album. Maybe they wanted to start a discussion. Christianity isn't always pretty. Sometimes, when I call out to God, the only thing that describes how I feel is, “fuck! I'm hurting. I'm alone. I need help.” I think it's real. I've been there.
18 June 2016
Somebody Else
Cynicism. Sometimes it sets in. Cynicism. I find myself being cynical about everything. Is it healthy to have some cynicism? I had to look up cynical to make sure I have the correct definition in my head.
Google says cynicism is: "1. believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity. "her cynical attitude" doubtful as to whether something will happen or whether it is worthwhile."
So yeah, I think I'm cynical these days. I need to tone it down a bit. What's the opposite of cynicism? I'll look it up. Google says an antonym of cynicism is idealism.
Google says idealism is: "1. the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, especially unrealistically. "the idealism of youth""
I don't want to be idealistic. But I don't want to be cynical. Once again, the lesson in life here is balance. I don't know what the word would be that would describe a balance of cynicism and idealism. Maybe I should Google that, too. Na. I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have three beautiful, healthy kids. I'm grateful to have support from family and a great church. I'm grateful we go without things we need. I'm grateful things we want are out if reach, sometimes. It's good to be withheld everything you want. I feel bad complaining about things. I don't want to be a complainer.
I was thinking about the last blog post I made. Complainers complain, and they do nothing else. I want to be a do-er. I think it's okay to be dissatisfied with things around you, but what you do about it is the most important piece. I complained about the church I grew up in. Looking back, I don't approve of a lot of the things I saw, but that church contributed to who I am now, be that bad or good, it is what it is. I'm also more inquisitive because of that church. I ask questions about everything, even God, and I think that's good. A bit of skepticism never hurt anyone. Right?
So, there's that. I'm cynical at times...but I'll try my best not to complain and do things to improve the things I'm dissatisfied with. That's me. I'll use my turn signal when I'm changing lanes. I'll pick up a piece of litter when I see it. I'll try my best to listen to other people and forget about what I want to say. The church I grew up in taught me the golden rule: The Golden Rule Matthew 7:12 (ESV) “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."
Google says cynicism is: "1. believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity. "her cynical attitude" doubtful as to whether something will happen or whether it is worthwhile."
So yeah, I think I'm cynical these days. I need to tone it down a bit. What's the opposite of cynicism? I'll look it up. Google says an antonym of cynicism is idealism.
Google says idealism is: "1. the practice of forming or pursuing ideals, especially unrealistically. "the idealism of youth""
I don't want to be idealistic. But I don't want to be cynical. Once again, the lesson in life here is balance. I don't know what the word would be that would describe a balance of cynicism and idealism. Maybe I should Google that, too. Na. I'm grateful. I'm grateful to have three beautiful, healthy kids. I'm grateful to have support from family and a great church. I'm grateful we go without things we need. I'm grateful things we want are out if reach, sometimes. It's good to be withheld everything you want. I feel bad complaining about things. I don't want to be a complainer.
I was thinking about the last blog post I made. Complainers complain, and they do nothing else. I want to be a do-er. I think it's okay to be dissatisfied with things around you, but what you do about it is the most important piece. I complained about the church I grew up in. Looking back, I don't approve of a lot of the things I saw, but that church contributed to who I am now, be that bad or good, it is what it is. I'm also more inquisitive because of that church. I ask questions about everything, even God, and I think that's good. A bit of skepticism never hurt anyone. Right?
So, there's that. I'm cynical at times...but I'll try my best not to complain and do things to improve the things I'm dissatisfied with. That's me. I'll use my turn signal when I'm changing lanes. I'll pick up a piece of litter when I see it. I'll try my best to listen to other people and forget about what I want to say. The church I grew up in taught me the golden rule: The Golden Rule Matthew 7:12 (ESV) “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."
16 June 2016
Keeping Quiet is hard, cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start
I'll start this post with something bad, then I'll talk about something good.
I grew up in a home with Christian parents. They converted from...sort of Catholicism(ish) to full blown Pentecostal evangelical Christianity when I was 9. It was an abrupt change. For me, I was just going with the flow. For my parents, it must have been a radical change. I say Catholicism, but it was all cultural. Everyone in Santa Fe identified with the Catholic flavor of Christianity. We never went to church. I didn't do catechism like many of my friends in school. I was baptized, but it wasn't a closely adhered to tradition in my family.
When I was 9 that all changed. There is no half-assing full blown Pentecostal evangelicalism. We went to church weekly. Like three times or more, weekly. There's Sunday morning, like most other Christians, then there's Sunday night, Tuesday night Royal Rangers, Wednesday night church, Thursday night youth group then the occasional "work day" on Saturday (the sabbath(lol)). Some weeks, our family was at the church every single day.
To say the least, church was a big part of our lives. It's easy to imagine I was indoctrinated. Some things I learned as truth as a young boy: Bill Clinton was evil and killed babies, the rapture was imminent and I better be prepared or God will burn me with Satan and his demons for eternity, the Bible is without error and should be interpreted literally, evolution is a lie from the pit of Hell, be afraid of gay people, guns are good, America is the best. I was taught some good things. I was taught I should help people. I was taught community is a good thing. I was taught Jesus loves me. I feel like the things I should not do were emphasized over the things I should not do, however.
Ugh, yeah. There's a lot there. Now that I've spent fifteen years away from my parents church, I've had some time to ponder what I was taught.
I pause for a minute. Why am I writing this? It's a long explanation--me breaking down my thoughts of the massacre that took place in Orlando this last weekend. I grew up being told that gay people are sinning and guns are an American right.
I've never liked guns. It was easy for me, even as a child, to understand that guns were invented to kill. I knew that killing was wrong. So, guns were bad. I still feel that way. It's not a hard argument for me. I guess someone could argue that guns were invented to defend. Okay, maybe. But, it has to stop somewhere. History began with people killing with their hands, then someone had the advantage because they picked up a rock and used it as a weapon, then someone else had an advantage because they made a spear, then someone invented the sword and could kill more effectively, finally gunpowder was discovered and guns were invented. Now, guns have evolved from a metal tube shooting debris to firing hundreds of RPM (rounds per minute). Guns are designed to kill people and with today's technology, they can kill a lot of people.
I think there might be some time when I'll need a gun. Anarchy. Zombie apocalypse. (Trump presidency?). Sure, there are bad people. Bad people have guns. Bad people can break in to your home. They might shoot you. I don't think I'll give in to that fear. Is that irresponsible on my part? Am I refusing to wear my seat belt? I don't know. I don't see Jesus packing heat if he were alive today.
I am beginning to see a Jesus that is much different than the Jesus that was taught to me as a kid. Jesus loves gay people. "Love the sinner, hate the sin." That was repeated over and over in my church growing up. I think it's bullshit. Love. That's it. I think Jesus was here to Love. Period. The end.
I don't like the Christianity I was brought up with. And the state of my country scares me a bit.
I'll finish my post here. I thought I wanted to post something good, too. I guess I wanted to write down a few of my thoughts. I've got some more things to work through. It's sort things out for myself, and I hope I can pass some good ideas down to my kids.
Okay, maybe I'm not done. I'll finish this post with something good. My daughter was born on Tuesday. She's absolutely beautiful. I love her so much. I was expecting that holding my baby daughter would be exactly the same as holding my sons, but it's not. Holding my sons for the first time was special for each one of them. Holding my daughter was something else. I'm a happy dad. Good things do exist on this Earth.
I grew up in a home with Christian parents. They converted from...sort of Catholicism(ish) to full blown Pentecostal evangelical Christianity when I was 9. It was an abrupt change. For me, I was just going with the flow. For my parents, it must have been a radical change. I say Catholicism, but it was all cultural. Everyone in Santa Fe identified with the Catholic flavor of Christianity. We never went to church. I didn't do catechism like many of my friends in school. I was baptized, but it wasn't a closely adhered to tradition in my family.
When I was 9 that all changed. There is no half-assing full blown Pentecostal evangelicalism. We went to church weekly. Like three times or more, weekly. There's Sunday morning, like most other Christians, then there's Sunday night, Tuesday night Royal Rangers, Wednesday night church, Thursday night youth group then the occasional "work day" on Saturday (the sabbath(lol)). Some weeks, our family was at the church every single day.
To say the least, church was a big part of our lives. It's easy to imagine I was indoctrinated. Some things I learned as truth as a young boy: Bill Clinton was evil and killed babies, the rapture was imminent and I better be prepared or God will burn me with Satan and his demons for eternity, the Bible is without error and should be interpreted literally, evolution is a lie from the pit of Hell, be afraid of gay people, guns are good, America is the best. I was taught some good things. I was taught I should help people. I was taught community is a good thing. I was taught Jesus loves me. I feel like the things I should not do were emphasized over the things I should not do, however.
Ugh, yeah. There's a lot there. Now that I've spent fifteen years away from my parents church, I've had some time to ponder what I was taught.
I pause for a minute. Why am I writing this? It's a long explanation--me breaking down my thoughts of the massacre that took place in Orlando this last weekend. I grew up being told that gay people are sinning and guns are an American right.
I've never liked guns. It was easy for me, even as a child, to understand that guns were invented to kill. I knew that killing was wrong. So, guns were bad. I still feel that way. It's not a hard argument for me. I guess someone could argue that guns were invented to defend. Okay, maybe. But, it has to stop somewhere. History began with people killing with their hands, then someone had the advantage because they picked up a rock and used it as a weapon, then someone else had an advantage because they made a spear, then someone invented the sword and could kill more effectively, finally gunpowder was discovered and guns were invented. Now, guns have evolved from a metal tube shooting debris to firing hundreds of RPM (rounds per minute). Guns are designed to kill people and with today's technology, they can kill a lot of people.
I think there might be some time when I'll need a gun. Anarchy. Zombie apocalypse. (Trump presidency?). Sure, there are bad people. Bad people have guns. Bad people can break in to your home. They might shoot you. I don't think I'll give in to that fear. Is that irresponsible on my part? Am I refusing to wear my seat belt? I don't know. I don't see Jesus packing heat if he were alive today.
I am beginning to see a Jesus that is much different than the Jesus that was taught to me as a kid. Jesus loves gay people. "Love the sinner, hate the sin." That was repeated over and over in my church growing up. I think it's bullshit. Love. That's it. I think Jesus was here to Love. Period. The end.
I don't like the Christianity I was brought up with. And the state of my country scares me a bit.
I'll finish my post here. I thought I wanted to post something good, too. I guess I wanted to write down a few of my thoughts. I've got some more things to work through. It's sort things out for myself, and I hope I can pass some good ideas down to my kids.
Okay, maybe I'm not done. I'll finish this post with something good. My daughter was born on Tuesday. She's absolutely beautiful. I love her so much. I was expecting that holding my baby daughter would be exactly the same as holding my sons, but it's not. Holding my sons for the first time was special for each one of them. Holding my daughter was something else. I'm a happy dad. Good things do exist on this Earth.
25 April 2016
Good Things Happen in Mississippi
New Mexico is almost the worst. Thank you, Mississippi. What's wrong with Mississippi? I kind of feel bad for the state. I know what it's like to be from a place that people love to hate. I'll bet there are some great things about Mississippi that people don't know about. I'm thinking about all the things people don't know about New Mexico. What are the mysteries of Mississippi?
I know Mississippi gets tons of rain. I'll bet they get some of the most rain out if any state in the continental United Stares. I'm not going to check my suspicion. But, I'm willing to bet they're in the top five for rainiest states. With rain comes trees, grass and vegetation. They're also low in latitude. That means it doesn't get very cold and plants have more of the year to grow. I imagine beautiful flowers, huge trees and grass everywhere. Lakes, rivers, swamps, and of course, the Gulf. I'll bet Mississippi is a beautiful place.
We love to focus on the bad, though. It's well known that Mississippi is the worst. Well known? Maybe just for us in New Mexico. We fall 49th on a lot of lists. Education. Teen pregnancy. There are probably some more. I try not to pay attention to those lists. They make me sad because I know we're better than that. I'm sure some Mississippians feel the same. But, we like to focus on the bad.
I focus on the bad. I'm thinking about the news. It's all bad. The news got me down today. I especially hate hearing bad news involving kids. Just today, I read a story about a man shooting heroin while driving with a seven year child in the car. Another story about a drunk driver that killed a father, and two of his children, one 18 the other 18 months. So incredibly sad. This happened right down the street from where I grew up. I learned how to drive on those roads. It could happen to anyone.
What brings us to this? The drunk driver was a repeat DWI offender. Why did this man chose his lifestyle? What caused him to drink so much that he was barely able to speak to the officers that arrested him? And the man shooting heroin in his car... And these are just local stories. Ohio. Eight people killed.
Bad news.
I'm not talking about Mississippi anymore. I'm sure some good things happened in Mississippi today. Maybe someone went out of their way to help someone else in Mississippi. Maybe there was a meal shared in Mississippi. Some good things happened in Mississippi today, I'm sure.
Today, I read Philippians 2 again. I read it in the English Standard Version and in the New Living Translation. I think I like the ESV more for this bit.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
Philippians 2:3-8 ESV
http://bible.com/59/php.2.3-8.esv
When people act like Jesus it moves us. Could you imagine seeing Jesus first hand? He "emptied himself". It just blows my mind. How could someone be such a servant of others. I don't get it. I really don't.
So, good things happen. Every day. I'm still working out how to take all the bad things. I save that for another post.
I know Mississippi gets tons of rain. I'll bet they get some of the most rain out if any state in the continental United Stares. I'm not going to check my suspicion. But, I'm willing to bet they're in the top five for rainiest states. With rain comes trees, grass and vegetation. They're also low in latitude. That means it doesn't get very cold and plants have more of the year to grow. I imagine beautiful flowers, huge trees and grass everywhere. Lakes, rivers, swamps, and of course, the Gulf. I'll bet Mississippi is a beautiful place.
We love to focus on the bad, though. It's well known that Mississippi is the worst. Well known? Maybe just for us in New Mexico. We fall 49th on a lot of lists. Education. Teen pregnancy. There are probably some more. I try not to pay attention to those lists. They make me sad because I know we're better than that. I'm sure some Mississippians feel the same. But, we like to focus on the bad.
I focus on the bad. I'm thinking about the news. It's all bad. The news got me down today. I especially hate hearing bad news involving kids. Just today, I read a story about a man shooting heroin while driving with a seven year child in the car. Another story about a drunk driver that killed a father, and two of his children, one 18 the other 18 months. So incredibly sad. This happened right down the street from where I grew up. I learned how to drive on those roads. It could happen to anyone.
What brings us to this? The drunk driver was a repeat DWI offender. Why did this man chose his lifestyle? What caused him to drink so much that he was barely able to speak to the officers that arrested him? And the man shooting heroin in his car... And these are just local stories. Ohio. Eight people killed.
Bad news.
I'm not talking about Mississippi anymore. I'm sure some good things happened in Mississippi today. Maybe someone went out of their way to help someone else in Mississippi. Maybe there was a meal shared in Mississippi. Some good things happened in Mississippi today, I'm sure.
Today, I read Philippians 2 again. I read it in the English Standard Version and in the New Living Translation. I think I like the ESV more for this bit.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”
Philippians 2:3-8 ESV
http://bible.com/59/php.2.3-8.esv
When people act like Jesus it moves us. Could you imagine seeing Jesus first hand? He "emptied himself". It just blows my mind. How could someone be such a servant of others. I don't get it. I really don't.
So, good things happen. Every day. I'm still working out how to take all the bad things. I save that for another post.
24 April 2016
Humble Mind
I'm sitting on our porch. The weather is nice. There's a slight breeze. My tummy is full. We went to Sonic and got some boneless wings. We probably shouldn't have considering our financial situation, but we did and it was worth it.
I'm trying to think of something to write and coming up short. Maybe my week that passed. Maybe my week that's upcoming. Maybe the ideas I heard in church.
Let's start with the week that passed.
I'm struggling to avoid wishing for things I've had. Things like jobs. My last teaching job at Kennedy to be exact. I was talking to Lindsey about this earlier today. I see a trend, too. When I'm in a job, I look at other situations and I wish I was somewhere else. Example: when I was at Verizon, I hated being there and I wished I could be in a higher paying position within the company or in a different job outside the company--a job that didn't involve me spending eight hours a day talking on the phone. Then, I got a job teaching social studies to seventh and eighth graders. I was excited! ... Until about October when I became overwhelmed with grading papers, learning classroom management and received two or three paychecks. I remembered that I didn't have to work at home, and I had paychecks that had larger numbers printed on them. The grass was greener. So, I applied to another tech support call center. They liked my experience and hired me. My first day was February 1. It took until February 15 for me to realize I made a bad mistake. I missed teaching. Or maybe the grass was greener. So, I applied at another school, got hired. Guess what? The grass is greener.
Crap! Well, to my credit, I'm realizing my flaw. I'm working hard at this school despite it's unusually long hours, weird classroom setup, tension between teachers, no library... See? I'm complaining. The grass is greener. I'm still soaking in my experience. I'm learning a lot here. Which brings us to this week's thoughts. I took some notes at church...
We're in Philippians 2. I need to read the chapter in detail. Maybe later today. I read a little today. Here's what I got from Nate's lesson and the chapter I read. You can have a mind of humility or one of pride. A prideful mind is self seeking, self gratifying, self justifying. Self. Self. Self. And that's natural. Everyone is trying to preserve and pleasure their self. It's primitive. Evolutionary even. What's not natural is to consider others more important. That's difficult to do...
So, what do I do? I can write and write about considering others. But what am I doing? Christ showed us the ultimate. He demonstrated exactly how to consider others more important. He was humiliated.
I'm still sorting all this out. It's hard to write coherently. I'll think more.
I'm trying to think of something to write and coming up short. Maybe my week that passed. Maybe my week that's upcoming. Maybe the ideas I heard in church.
Let's start with the week that passed.
I'm struggling to avoid wishing for things I've had. Things like jobs. My last teaching job at Kennedy to be exact. I was talking to Lindsey about this earlier today. I see a trend, too. When I'm in a job, I look at other situations and I wish I was somewhere else. Example: when I was at Verizon, I hated being there and I wished I could be in a higher paying position within the company or in a different job outside the company--a job that didn't involve me spending eight hours a day talking on the phone. Then, I got a job teaching social studies to seventh and eighth graders. I was excited! ... Until about October when I became overwhelmed with grading papers, learning classroom management and received two or three paychecks. I remembered that I didn't have to work at home, and I had paychecks that had larger numbers printed on them. The grass was greener. So, I applied to another tech support call center. They liked my experience and hired me. My first day was February 1. It took until February 15 for me to realize I made a bad mistake. I missed teaching. Or maybe the grass was greener. So, I applied at another school, got hired. Guess what? The grass is greener.
Crap! Well, to my credit, I'm realizing my flaw. I'm working hard at this school despite it's unusually long hours, weird classroom setup, tension between teachers, no library... See? I'm complaining. The grass is greener. I'm still soaking in my experience. I'm learning a lot here. Which brings us to this week's thoughts. I took some notes at church...
We're in Philippians 2. I need to read the chapter in detail. Maybe later today. I read a little today. Here's what I got from Nate's lesson and the chapter I read. You can have a mind of humility or one of pride. A prideful mind is self seeking, self gratifying, self justifying. Self. Self. Self. And that's natural. Everyone is trying to preserve and pleasure their self. It's primitive. Evolutionary even. What's not natural is to consider others more important. That's difficult to do...
So, what do I do? I can write and write about considering others. But what am I doing? Christ showed us the ultimate. He demonstrated exactly how to consider others more important. He was humiliated.
I'm still sorting all this out. It's hard to write coherently. I'll think more.
17 April 2016
Rejoice
Technology... Right? I don't have technology on my mind right now. I mean I do, I'm using some tech to type what I'm saying right now. I love my Chromebook (Acer c-710), but I'm not using it. My 11 month old son, Riley, loves my Chromebook too, and he's playing with it right now. I'm typing on an iPad Air 2--not with a physical keyboard, but with the on screen keyboard, I think it's called a "virtual keyboard".
Okay, so tech is on on my mind right now. I guess tech's on my mind all the time. I'm fascinated by it. Let's switch gears...
I'm in Luke's room. Luke just turned 4 this week and he has an awesome room. Bunk beds, hot wheels, Ninja Turtles and a Cars mini couch that works perfectly as a pillow for me. It's relaxing in here.
It's good to decompress. Sundays are good days to do this. I'm preparing for a new week. A new week where I'll face some new challenges--some old challenges too. I'm trying to figure out some big things in my life. I'm trying to figure out my faith, first of all. The way I view the universe is huge. I think you have to be certain about this before you make any progress in life. At least I feel that way about me. I can't be a good father or a good husband if I'm unsure about who I am. Maybe I'll find that to be false as a get older, I don't know.
I've made some progress though. I mean, I think I have. Lindsey and I have been part of a community group for about 10 months now. Community group has been great. We share a meal then we discuss. We don't have to agree on everything, we just talk. I've needed that for a long time. I think Lindsey and I both did... We're still working on things in our lives, but it's nice to work on some of the things with people who are also working in things. It's nice to know you're not alone.
Speaking of things I'm working on--in church today, the lesson was about humility and being second (Philippians 1 &2). I'm thinking about all the people I encounter in a day. My wife. She's the most important human to me in the whole world. Can I make a confession? I'm not second. I'm in a commanding first. She's pregnant right now, carrying our daughter, Juliette. She gets tired sometimes. Sometimes she's a bit moody. I'll give her a back rub while we watch our favorite Hulu show, but I do it with resistance. I complain mostly. I'm not second. I'm mostly just a jerk. This needs to change.
Then there's my kids. I love playing with them, and yeah, sometimes I need just a little break so I can serve them the best I possibly can. But then there are times my face is buried in a screen, doing nothing. Facebook. Dumb video games. I'm not second. I'm still in a commanding first.
This week I'm going to work on being second. I'm going to love my wife. I'm going to love my kids. So yeah. That's where I am.
I'm grateful! For the past seven years I've agonized over finding purpose in a career. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's an American thing. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing. Maybe it's a man thing. Maybe it's just s human thing. But, since I graduated college, I've been searching for a career. Purpose wasn't the job itself, it was a paycheck. I wanted that salary that would buy the stuff I really want. That house. That truck (2016 Toyota Tacoma 4x4 TRD in black). Unlimited brewery visits. Unlimited craft coffee. Unlimited Isotopes games. You name it. Camping. Hiking. Trips. Toys for the boys. Shit! I just wanted to pay of my damn student debt!
I never found that career. I tried. And I failed feeling empty and defeated. Then I got my teaching license and got a job with Albuquerque Public Schools teaching 7th and 8th grade social studies. I was excited! -- until I got my first paycheck. I was still occupied with the money piece. So I quit. I went back to the pursuit of a profession that would pay me money and lots of it. It didn't take long for me to realize how much of an idiot I've been.
I'm not cured. I still look at others and I see the car they drive, the house they have, the title in their business card and I have some envy. But, at least now I know where I went wrong. I know where I need to focus improvement.
Come behold His power and glory
Yet with confidence draw near
For the one who holds the heavens
And commands the stars above
Is the God who bends to bless us
With an unrelenting love
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling, rejoice
We are children of the promise
The beloved of the Lord
Won with everlasting kindness
Bought with sacrificial blood
Bringing reconciliation
To a world that longs to know
The affections of a Father
Who will never let them go
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling, rejoice
All our sickness, all our sorrows
Jesus carried up the hill
He has walked this path before us
He is walking with us still
Turning tragedy to triumph
Turning agony to praise
There is blessing in the battle
So take heart and stand amazed
Rejoice, when you cry to Him He hears
Your voice, He will wipe away your tears
Rejoice, in the midst of suffering
He will help you sing
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling rejoice"
Okay, so tech is on on my mind right now. I guess tech's on my mind all the time. I'm fascinated by it. Let's switch gears...
I'm in Luke's room. Luke just turned 4 this week and he has an awesome room. Bunk beds, hot wheels, Ninja Turtles and a Cars mini couch that works perfectly as a pillow for me. It's relaxing in here.
It's good to decompress. Sundays are good days to do this. I'm preparing for a new week. A new week where I'll face some new challenges--some old challenges too. I'm trying to figure out some big things in my life. I'm trying to figure out my faith, first of all. The way I view the universe is huge. I think you have to be certain about this before you make any progress in life. At least I feel that way about me. I can't be a good father or a good husband if I'm unsure about who I am. Maybe I'll find that to be false as a get older, I don't know.
I've made some progress though. I mean, I think I have. Lindsey and I have been part of a community group for about 10 months now. Community group has been great. We share a meal then we discuss. We don't have to agree on everything, we just talk. I've needed that for a long time. I think Lindsey and I both did... We're still working on things in our lives, but it's nice to work on some of the things with people who are also working in things. It's nice to know you're not alone.
Speaking of things I'm working on--in church today, the lesson was about humility and being second (Philippians 1 &2). I'm thinking about all the people I encounter in a day. My wife. She's the most important human to me in the whole world. Can I make a confession? I'm not second. I'm in a commanding first. She's pregnant right now, carrying our daughter, Juliette. She gets tired sometimes. Sometimes she's a bit moody. I'll give her a back rub while we watch our favorite Hulu show, but I do it with resistance. I complain mostly. I'm not second. I'm mostly just a jerk. This needs to change.
Then there's my kids. I love playing with them, and yeah, sometimes I need just a little break so I can serve them the best I possibly can. But then there are times my face is buried in a screen, doing nothing. Facebook. Dumb video games. I'm not second. I'm still in a commanding first.
This week I'm going to work on being second. I'm going to love my wife. I'm going to love my kids. So yeah. That's where I am.
I'm grateful! For the past seven years I've agonized over finding purpose in a career. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's an American thing. Maybe it's a Hispanic thing. Maybe it's a man thing. Maybe it's just s human thing. But, since I graduated college, I've been searching for a career. Purpose wasn't the job itself, it was a paycheck. I wanted that salary that would buy the stuff I really want. That house. That truck (2016 Toyota Tacoma 4x4 TRD in black). Unlimited brewery visits. Unlimited craft coffee. Unlimited Isotopes games. You name it. Camping. Hiking. Trips. Toys for the boys. Shit! I just wanted to pay of my damn student debt!
I never found that career. I tried. And I failed feeling empty and defeated. Then I got my teaching license and got a job with Albuquerque Public Schools teaching 7th and 8th grade social studies. I was excited! -- until I got my first paycheck. I was still occupied with the money piece. So I quit. I went back to the pursuit of a profession that would pay me money and lots of it. It didn't take long for me to realize how much of an idiot I've been.
I'm not cured. I still look at others and I see the car they drive, the house they have, the title in their business card and I have some envy. But, at least now I know where I went wrong. I know where I need to focus improvement.
I think I'm done writing now. I'll leave this blog with some lyrics to a song. They sang this song in church today. I kinda love it. I also love Dustin Kensrue and Thrice. This song with as on a Modern Post record.
Here ya go...
The Modern Post "Rejoice"
"Come and stand before your Maker
Full of wonder, full of fearCome behold His power and glory
Yet with confidence draw near
For the one who holds the heavens
And commands the stars above
Is the God who bends to bless us
With an unrelenting love
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling, rejoice
We are children of the promise
The beloved of the Lord
Won with everlasting kindness
Bought with sacrificial blood
Bringing reconciliation
To a world that longs to know
The affections of a Father
Who will never let them go
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling, rejoice
All our sickness, all our sorrows
Jesus carried up the hill
He has walked this path before us
He is walking with us still
Turning tragedy to triumph
Turning agony to praise
There is blessing in the battle
So take heart and stand amazed
Rejoice, when you cry to Him He hears
Your voice, He will wipe away your tears
Rejoice, in the midst of suffering
He will help you sing
Rejoice, come and lift your hands and
Raise your voice, He is worthy of our praise
Rejoice, sing of mercies of your King
And with trembling rejoice"
10 April 2016
Sunday Afternoon
It's Sunday afternoon. It's been a lazy day, a nice day. It started out sunny and warm. But now the clouds are rolling in and the temperature has dropped 5 or so degrees Fahrenheit. That's alright with me. I'm outside right now with my 10 month old. Us New Mexicans, at least this New Mexican enjoys any weather that isn't sunny.
I'm typing this message on my iPad right now in an app called Day One. I have a lot of gripes about s app, yet I use it all the time. It's a diary app that records your gps, weather and song you're listening to and compiles all of your entries in a calendar. You can attach one photo to each entry. I gripe because I payed $4.99 for this app and a few months later they released Day One 2. It's also a paid app, but it was a separate purchase from the app I have. I guess app developers have to make a living too. I do enjoy the app. Like I said, I use it all the time. I'm also getting better at typing on the iPad keyboard. I don't think I'm as proficient as a standard keyboard, but I'm getting better.
I know I had something more important to talk about. Maybe my job, maybe my kids, maybe religion… I'll start with my kids. They're awesome. It's incredible seeing them grow, seeing their personalities emerge. I love it.
Dang, I really don't have a ton to say right now. I think now's one of those times I need to put my device down and chill with my boy. I'll do that. K bye.
08 March 2016
Eat
A kettle's going. When it's done, I'll have a Theraflu. If there's no Theraflu left, some plain herbal tea will do. It's been a week. Just a crazy, stinkin week. It starts with a cold--last week--the beginning of last week. I think this is a world record. I don't think any human has had a cold longer than I have. Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. But, this cold has gotten comfortable and it doesn't want to go. What sucks even more is that I thought I was over it, then it got worse. Maybe it was two separate viruses. I have no idea. I'm not a doctor. Either way, it sucks. I'm not the only one sick. Riley got it and I even took him to the doctor. Doctor said he's okay and time, hydration and love is the best medicine. Then Luke got it. Luke's like me and his mom. He doesn't deal with being sick very well. Finally, Lindsey contracted this beast virus. She's sleeping right now...
It hasn't been a fun week. But crap! To make it worse, I'm dealing with stuff. I'm always dealing with stuff, it seems. Ever realize that you've made a big mistake? Then you dwell on it and dwell on it? Never moving on? Yeah. I'm there. So, I'm not teaching right now. I should be teaching right now. I made a decision, at the time I felt was the best one for my family. Now, I'm wondering. I miss my students a lot. I miss my school. I miss teaching. And I gave it all up to work in an industry I hated. I was here once before, and I complained constantly about it. But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I heard that somewhere. It's true, too. It's good to learn from your mistakes. Learn. Life's education. I feel like lessons are harder for me than for others. I've learned that I need to listen to the advise of those around me. I've learned that when I'm faced with a decision to take some time and really meditate on that decision--don't make decisions based purely on emotion.
I'll survive. I'll be better. I hope other opportunities come up. I know they will.
Now... I listened my favorite podcast today, Bad Christian. Toby was going off about what's wrong with the church again. I agree with him. What's a good church look like? I think community. I think love. I think accountability. I think accepting attitudes. I think a church that isn't polluted by the desire for money or to further a political agenda. I think America has really screwed up the church. I got the idea that Toby was talking about the American church in particular.
Yeah, it seems like the American church is republican only. The church doesn't show Christ's love to "sinners". Particularly the "sinners" that are LGBT, Muslim, pro-choice, atheist...and the list goes on. What's weird to me is that it seems like a lot of the church is supporting this guy Donald Trump. There has to be. I see a few Christians on my Facebook feed supporting him. But, I mean, he's doing awesome in the primary. Way better than I ever thought he would do. And, a lot of republicans identify as "Evangelical Christians". So, why would they support this guy? I don't get it. I feel like he goes against everything it means to be a Christian. He doesn't speak love. In fact, it sounds like he speaks hate. He can't relate to the typical American person. He's supper rich and he flaunts his wealth. ...but I'm talking about politics. I don't want to. I was talking about the church.
I guess our church has been talking about meeting at the table. Being a community. I guess that's what we've been talking about. We haven't been in two weeks because of a cold. Last week was Luke 9:7-20. Here's the link. I'm familiar with this passage. I just read it again. I think I'm like a lot of people when I focus on the miracle. But, not that I read it again, I think it's interesting what happened before the miracle. Jesus and his disciples spent an entire day with this group of people. I wonder what they were doing. It says that Jesus "welcomed" them and he "spoke to them". It sounds like it was a good time of community. He had the attention of over 5,000 people. It had to be worth their while. And then Jesus fed them. I like to imagine what the conversations were like as they ate. I like to imagine it as a celebration. These people were with each other all day and now they were eating.
It hasn't been a fun week. But crap! To make it worse, I'm dealing with stuff. I'm always dealing with stuff, it seems. Ever realize that you've made a big mistake? Then you dwell on it and dwell on it? Never moving on? Yeah. I'm there. So, I'm not teaching right now. I should be teaching right now. I made a decision, at the time I felt was the best one for my family. Now, I'm wondering. I miss my students a lot. I miss my school. I miss teaching. And I gave it all up to work in an industry I hated. I was here once before, and I complained constantly about it. But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I heard that somewhere. It's true, too. It's good to learn from your mistakes. Learn. Life's education. I feel like lessons are harder for me than for others. I've learned that I need to listen to the advise of those around me. I've learned that when I'm faced with a decision to take some time and really meditate on that decision--don't make decisions based purely on emotion.
I'll survive. I'll be better. I hope other opportunities come up. I know they will.
Now... I listened my favorite podcast today, Bad Christian. Toby was going off about what's wrong with the church again. I agree with him. What's a good church look like? I think community. I think love. I think accountability. I think accepting attitudes. I think a church that isn't polluted by the desire for money or to further a political agenda. I think America has really screwed up the church. I got the idea that Toby was talking about the American church in particular.
Yeah, it seems like the American church is republican only. The church doesn't show Christ's love to "sinners". Particularly the "sinners" that are LGBT, Muslim, pro-choice, atheist...and the list goes on. What's weird to me is that it seems like a lot of the church is supporting this guy Donald Trump. There has to be. I see a few Christians on my Facebook feed supporting him. But, I mean, he's doing awesome in the primary. Way better than I ever thought he would do. And, a lot of republicans identify as "Evangelical Christians". So, why would they support this guy? I don't get it. I feel like he goes against everything it means to be a Christian. He doesn't speak love. In fact, it sounds like he speaks hate. He can't relate to the typical American person. He's supper rich and he flaunts his wealth. ...but I'm talking about politics. I don't want to. I was talking about the church.
I guess our church has been talking about meeting at the table. Being a community. I guess that's what we've been talking about. We haven't been in two weeks because of a cold. Last week was Luke 9:7-20. Here's the link. I'm familiar with this passage. I just read it again. I think I'm like a lot of people when I focus on the miracle. But, not that I read it again, I think it's interesting what happened before the miracle. Jesus and his disciples spent an entire day with this group of people. I wonder what they were doing. It says that Jesus "welcomed" them and he "spoke to them". It sounds like it was a good time of community. He had the attention of over 5,000 people. It had to be worth their while. And then Jesus fed them. I like to imagine what the conversations were like as they ate. I like to imagine it as a celebration. These people were with each other all day and now they were eating.
06 March 2016
DAGNABIT
It's 7:09 am on Sunday morning. I've got my coffee. I've got my water. I'm going to take this time to ponder...
Well, I was going to write. But, Luke's up and we're all sick. That was short lived.
Well, I was going to write. But, Luke's up and we're all sick. That was short lived.
24 January 2016
Learning
I haven't decided if I'm going to post this on my blog yet. What I write now may just stay here--in my journal. It depends on if I think what I write is worth posting, if what I write is too personal, whatever... What's on my mind? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is Ecclesiastes. Our church is teaching on Ecclesiastes. So far, we've covered chapters 1 - 4. It's been a refreshing lesson. Refreshing because Ecclesiastes is much different than the rest of the Bible. It's...honest. By that, I mean it's not sugar coated. I like that the author basically says that you could follow all the rules and do what you're supposed to do but bad things can still happen to you. All is vanity. The author also talks about our earthly gain, running the race, trying to get ahead. When we're done, we don't take any of it with us. So, it's a good read, and the teaching has been great.
It applies to what's been going on in my life. I failed at teaching. Yeah, I did. I failed. It was hard to admit it, but I did. There are some things that contributed to my failure. I think it starts with my pride. --I'm in the living room right now and there're distractions. I'm going to go to my office where it's quiet.-- So, my pride. Before teaching, I worked at Verizon Wireless as a call center representative. When people asked me where I worked, I would try to fluff up my call center position as much as I could. I would say things like, "I work in global support", or "advanced tech support", or "I'm an advanced tech support coordinator. I assist people with tech problems when they travel internationally." I would never say anything about working in a call center. Why? Because I thought I was better than that. I went to college, I earned my degree, and people with a BA in Economics don't work in a call center. At least that was what I thought. My pride overtook me. What's funny is that I always considered myself a humble person. I think I've said this before, but when you think that you're not a prideful person, that very moment you're full of pride. So, yeah. I was too good for working in a call center. I saw people advance their careers in that call center. Every time, I thought I was so much better than those people. I thought I deserved those jobs more than the people that were getting them. Yet, I didn't advance. I wondered why. I thought, "WTF?!" And as a Christian, I wondered why God wasn't blessing me. I wondered why I was going forward without a purpose.
Then teaching came to my mind. I thought I would get out of the call center. I would work on becoming a teacher, because I would feel that I have a purpose. Teaching would allow me to tell someone who asked what I did, and I would feel proud of it. I'm a public servant. I work hard and I don't get paid much. They would admire me for that. Those are all thoughts that came to me. Maybe people did think that about me... But, I had no idea. Teachers don't get paid, and they work supper hard. I didn't expect the pay to be as low as it was, and I didn't expect the work to be as hard as it was. It was humbling. I was humbled. My pride was sucked out of me.
So, now, I have to look somewhere else to survive. Teaching can't sustain my family. I have to look back at the call center. Here I am, back where I left off at Verizon. But, it's T-Mobile now. They were kind enough to start me where I left off at Verizon, which is more than what I make as a teacher... humbled. But now I'm motivated. I want to enjoy my toil under the sun, as Ecclesiastes puts it. I'm not in this life to run the race in the corporate world, it's unsatisfiable. Just like the wind...
So, there's that...
I'm also taking classes toward my MBA. Funny thing. My school signed me up for a class that doesn't apply to my degree program. So, here I am, four weeks in, working on a class that doesn't count. I'm going to call them on Monday to see if they can refund me and to see if I could drop the class. Sucks, because this is time I can't get back. I should be using this time to progress my degree. Funny. I was just talking about how I don't want to run the corporate race and now I'm talking about my MBA. I guess I'm a hypocrite too. That's okay.
Another thing that's on my mind is my diet. So, I struggle with my weight. I mean, I don't think I'm unhealthy or anything. In fact, my last doctor appointment said that I wasn't. I'm just not at a weight that I'm comfortable with. Being a parent and a husband, it's hard to find time to exercise. Hard, but not impossible. I need the will power. I'm working on it. I'm also starting a low carb diet. I got the idea from hearing the guys on The Bad Christian Podcast talking about it. Today I've had like 9 grams of carbs and a lot more protein. I don't know if this will help me...we'll see. What I do know, is that I love carbs more than I thought. I want my craft beer and I want my tortillas. I'm willing to give those up if I can get to a weight I'm comfortable with.
It applies to what's been going on in my life. I failed at teaching. Yeah, I did. I failed. It was hard to admit it, but I did. There are some things that contributed to my failure. I think it starts with my pride. --I'm in the living room right now and there're distractions. I'm going to go to my office where it's quiet.-- So, my pride. Before teaching, I worked at Verizon Wireless as a call center representative. When people asked me where I worked, I would try to fluff up my call center position as much as I could. I would say things like, "I work in global support", or "advanced tech support", or "I'm an advanced tech support coordinator. I assist people with tech problems when they travel internationally." I would never say anything about working in a call center. Why? Because I thought I was better than that. I went to college, I earned my degree, and people with a BA in Economics don't work in a call center. At least that was what I thought. My pride overtook me. What's funny is that I always considered myself a humble person. I think I've said this before, but when you think that you're not a prideful person, that very moment you're full of pride. So, yeah. I was too good for working in a call center. I saw people advance their careers in that call center. Every time, I thought I was so much better than those people. I thought I deserved those jobs more than the people that were getting them. Yet, I didn't advance. I wondered why. I thought, "WTF?!" And as a Christian, I wondered why God wasn't blessing me. I wondered why I was going forward without a purpose.
Then teaching came to my mind. I thought I would get out of the call center. I would work on becoming a teacher, because I would feel that I have a purpose. Teaching would allow me to tell someone who asked what I did, and I would feel proud of it. I'm a public servant. I work hard and I don't get paid much. They would admire me for that. Those are all thoughts that came to me. Maybe people did think that about me... But, I had no idea. Teachers don't get paid, and they work supper hard. I didn't expect the pay to be as low as it was, and I didn't expect the work to be as hard as it was. It was humbling. I was humbled. My pride was sucked out of me.
So, now, I have to look somewhere else to survive. Teaching can't sustain my family. I have to look back at the call center. Here I am, back where I left off at Verizon. But, it's T-Mobile now. They were kind enough to start me where I left off at Verizon, which is more than what I make as a teacher... humbled. But now I'm motivated. I want to enjoy my toil under the sun, as Ecclesiastes puts it. I'm not in this life to run the race in the corporate world, it's unsatisfiable. Just like the wind...
So, there's that...
I'm also taking classes toward my MBA. Funny thing. My school signed me up for a class that doesn't apply to my degree program. So, here I am, four weeks in, working on a class that doesn't count. I'm going to call them on Monday to see if they can refund me and to see if I could drop the class. Sucks, because this is time I can't get back. I should be using this time to progress my degree. Funny. I was just talking about how I don't want to run the corporate race and now I'm talking about my MBA. I guess I'm a hypocrite too. That's okay.
Another thing that's on my mind is my diet. So, I struggle with my weight. I mean, I don't think I'm unhealthy or anything. In fact, my last doctor appointment said that I wasn't. I'm just not at a weight that I'm comfortable with. Being a parent and a husband, it's hard to find time to exercise. Hard, but not impossible. I need the will power. I'm working on it. I'm also starting a low carb diet. I got the idea from hearing the guys on The Bad Christian Podcast talking about it. Today I've had like 9 grams of carbs and a lot more protein. I don't know if this will help me...we'll see. What I do know, is that I love carbs more than I thought. I want my craft beer and I want my tortillas. I'm willing to give those up if I can get to a weight I'm comfortable with.
19 January 2016
Holy Roller
I had something on my mind, but I got distracted and it's gone from my brain forever. I really don't know what I was about to say. Anyway, I'm in my office and I just read a bit of the chapter for my CIS 510 class. I'm listening to Glass Animals... I only have one discussion to participate in this week, so I can do a bit here and a bit there. I really should get this done on Thursday because Wednesday (tomorrow) is busy with community group.
On my way home from work, I was listening to "Ask Science Mike". It's a podcast I like with Science Mike, or Mike McHargue. I think that's how you spell his last name. Anyway, he was answering a question about Jesus and why he had to die for our sins. He brought up some really important questions. He also mentioned something that a lot of atheists would say against our idea of Jesus dying for our sins. I think the saying was, "God sent himself to die to save us from himself". I'll look it up on the internet now. Okay, yeah. God sent himself as a sacrifice to himself to save humanity from himself. Mike said in the podcast that it is an oversimplification of our faith, which I agree on, but there are some really important things to consider there. God sent himself, so the idea of the trinity...to sacrifice himself to himself...God the father turned his back on his son who bore our sins...to save humans from himself...because if we don't accept his salvation we'll burn forever in eternal conscious torment.
So, there's a lot there. And there's a lot of theology that I'm not qualified to dissect there. But, to start, Mike talked about the reasons Christians say Jesus died. There was one term that was used. I don't remember what that term was, but it says that Jesus died to take our sins. He was the sacrifice for us... Then he had another term that he used to describe another reason why Jesus died, I think the reason was to show that Jesus overcame death and evil. I'll have to give it another listen.
The part of the podcast that caught my attention the most was when he dissected the last part of the saying, the part that says, "to save us from himself". Because, if we don't allow him to save us, he'll send us straight to Hell to experience torture, forever. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. The two other podcasts I like, "The Bad Christian Podcast" and "Unbelievable" talk about the topic of Hell occasionally. My view has been challenged to say the least. And this has also challenged my faith to the core. Does God send people that he loves to hell to experience this awful thing for sin?
Oh yeah, Mike was talking about how humans were made with a sin nature. We're defective. If a manufacturer makes a defective product, the blame is on the manufacturer, not the product. So, why are we expected to take the blame when we were made like this? There's a lot to consider for sure. I think that it's true that Christian thinking changes over time, and out interpretation of the Bible changes, too.
Here's what I think: I think that God is perfect. I think that God is the author of science and supernatural. I think that God made humans with the ability to reason and use logic. But, I also think that God made humans with the ability to get things wrong. I see a culture with people that have their heads stuck in the sand. They subscribe to thought systems and feel threatened when someone comes to them with a different way of thinking. This is me, I'll admit. I remember taking anthropology in college and feeling really threatened when they taught me evolution. Then they started talking about hundreds of thousands of years, then millions and even billions of years passing for our Earth to evolve to what it is today. I was told that this was all bullshit in church. But, then I thought, maybe I was indoctrinated with the bullshit. Was the pastor of the Pentecostal church I went to growing up a scientist? Did he complete research on species of animals and geology? I don't think so... And, not to pick on my childhood pastor, many Christians today are young Earth creationists and tell their kids that evolution is a lie.
I'm just saying that science is a group of people that wrestle with ideas. They are discovering, and they don't have agendas. They are trying to prove ideas wrong. When things can't be proven wrong by one person, then another person tries to prove it wrong. And when a bunch of scientists can't prove it wrong, then it's accepted. Who am I to say otherwise? And who are these Christians to say otherwise? I don't think evolution disproves the existence of God.
On my way home from work, I was listening to "Ask Science Mike". It's a podcast I like with Science Mike, or Mike McHargue. I think that's how you spell his last name. Anyway, he was answering a question about Jesus and why he had to die for our sins. He brought up some really important questions. He also mentioned something that a lot of atheists would say against our idea of Jesus dying for our sins. I think the saying was, "God sent himself to die to save us from himself". I'll look it up on the internet now. Okay, yeah. God sent himself as a sacrifice to himself to save humanity from himself. Mike said in the podcast that it is an oversimplification of our faith, which I agree on, but there are some really important things to consider there. God sent himself, so the idea of the trinity...to sacrifice himself to himself...God the father turned his back on his son who bore our sins...to save humans from himself...because if we don't accept his salvation we'll burn forever in eternal conscious torment.
So, there's a lot there. And there's a lot of theology that I'm not qualified to dissect there. But, to start, Mike talked about the reasons Christians say Jesus died. There was one term that was used. I don't remember what that term was, but it says that Jesus died to take our sins. He was the sacrifice for us... Then he had another term that he used to describe another reason why Jesus died, I think the reason was to show that Jesus overcame death and evil. I'll have to give it another listen.
The part of the podcast that caught my attention the most was when he dissected the last part of the saying, the part that says, "to save us from himself". Because, if we don't allow him to save us, he'll send us straight to Hell to experience torture, forever. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. The two other podcasts I like, "The Bad Christian Podcast" and "Unbelievable" talk about the topic of Hell occasionally. My view has been challenged to say the least. And this has also challenged my faith to the core. Does God send people that he loves to hell to experience this awful thing for sin?
Oh yeah, Mike was talking about how humans were made with a sin nature. We're defective. If a manufacturer makes a defective product, the blame is on the manufacturer, not the product. So, why are we expected to take the blame when we were made like this? There's a lot to consider for sure. I think that it's true that Christian thinking changes over time, and out interpretation of the Bible changes, too.
Here's what I think: I think that God is perfect. I think that God is the author of science and supernatural. I think that God made humans with the ability to reason and use logic. But, I also think that God made humans with the ability to get things wrong. I see a culture with people that have their heads stuck in the sand. They subscribe to thought systems and feel threatened when someone comes to them with a different way of thinking. This is me, I'll admit. I remember taking anthropology in college and feeling really threatened when they taught me evolution. Then they started talking about hundreds of thousands of years, then millions and even billions of years passing for our Earth to evolve to what it is today. I was told that this was all bullshit in church. But, then I thought, maybe I was indoctrinated with the bullshit. Was the pastor of the Pentecostal church I went to growing up a scientist? Did he complete research on species of animals and geology? I don't think so... And, not to pick on my childhood pastor, many Christians today are young Earth creationists and tell their kids that evolution is a lie.
I'm just saying that science is a group of people that wrestle with ideas. They are discovering, and they don't have agendas. They are trying to prove ideas wrong. When things can't be proven wrong by one person, then another person tries to prove it wrong. And when a bunch of scientists can't prove it wrong, then it's accepted. Who am I to say otherwise? And who are these Christians to say otherwise? I don't think evolution disproves the existence of God.
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