Alone

I've got eye boogers, my glasses are dirty. It's hard to see right now. I've cleaned my glasses over and over and I've rubbed my eyes. I don't know what the heck is going on there. I need new glasses. I need some eye drops.

Completely not related to my vision issues right now, I want to talk about Hell. I'm just kidding. Well, sort of. I just read the chapter on Hell in The Problem With Pain by C.S. Lewis. Yeah, I'm still reading this book. It's taking me for fricking ever. In my defense, I'm stinking busy all the time. I work 10 hour days. I'm a dad and I'm a husband. I don't have time to read a book. Although, I'm making some time.

Time. I shouldn't have time to write in this ridiculously dumb block either. Lindsey is exhausted because she's pregnant, and she's a human, and humans become fatigued. Time is precious. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were still single. I remember all the time I had when I was single. I did whatever the hell I wanted to do. I slept in. I stayed out late. But, I was so damn lonely. I was ALONE. That sucked. I remember going to bed alone and it was insanely quiet. Silence. I would shuffle around in bed and wished for someone to hold. I have that now... I hold Lindsey every night, and it's awesome.

We have times when we're not in sync with each other. Sure. But we love each other. We love each other so much that we made another human. I guess people that love each other make other humans. It's science. Now we're expecting our second human. The new human should emerge sometime in early May. May the 4th is the exact expectation date of human emergence.

Yeah. May the 4th. Star Wars Day. Our son's name is Luke. We thought it would be amusing if we had a daughter human and we named her Leia. Luke and Leia. I would just hope they never make out with each other.

Being where I am is so strange to me. I'm 31. I'm an adult. I've been an adult technically for 13 years. That's trippy to me. Just today, we were driving home to Albuquerque from Moriarty and I was reminiscing with Lindsey about high school. I grew up in Moriarty and I remember listening to DC Talk (yeah, I was one of those Chrisians) and doing my geometry homework in my room. That was 14 years ago. I don't feel that I should be 31 years old. I graduated high school. I went to university. I got a job. I got married. I'm a father. This all just happened. And here I am. I'm a home owner. I'm married. I'm a father. This is life. It's here.

It's just crazy to me. From the age of 18 to now, I've let time slip by. Time flies. It's true. Time keeps going. It's linear. We will never experience this moment ever again. This was talked about in the book I'm reading. In the chapter about Hell, C.S. Lewis addresses the problems people have with the idea of Hell. Eternity is a real problem with humans. We kind of have an idea, but not really. Time is what we know. I want to quote some of this chapter, if I may. In the chapter, Lewis describes all of the problems people have with the idea of Hell. Some of the problems he addresses are some of the problems I have. The main one is that of compassion and mercy. We as humans have compassion and mercy. I think a lot of us (as Americans especially) learn to ignore our compassion and mercy, but I think we're all born with it. So, with the compassion and mercy, if we're in Heaven and we know that there are other human souls suffering in Hell, wouldn't we feel really terrible? We feel really bad for those that are less fortunate than us now, what more would it be if we were in Heaven and we knew that there were those, even those that we care a lot about who are in Hell? I would feel super bad! And God, He has much more compassion and mercy than I do. Then I read this in the book. I'll quote it now...

"In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell, is itself a question: 'What are you asking God to do?' To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them? They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does."

This entire chapter on Hell has addressed a lot of questions about Hell that I have had. I next want to read Love Wins by Rob Bell. I know it's a little off of what Christians typically believe about the idea of Hell, but I want to see what Bell has to say. I guess it's really saying that God gets what He wants, and He wants all of us... An interesting read if anything. I'm still in this book, however. And I am excited to read these two final chapters. The next is about animal pain and the last is on Heaven.

Apple Juice

I love clicking by tapping. On my Chromebook, you have the choice of actually pressing down on the track pad and "clicking", or you can just tap the pad to "click". It's a simple pleasure, a pleasure still.

I'm not just writing about my Chromebook, but it was on my mind. I wanted to talk about sin--my sin. Now I forgot what exactly what it was about my sin that I was going to talk about. Now that I'm writing, my mind goes blank.

It's been a pretty crazy day. It started off with me receiving very little sleep last night. Today has been lagging, until now. I got some physical activity in and now my body's awake. Maybe that's what I was thinking about--my morning. Lindsey and I got angry with each other. We're not angry at each other any more, but tempers flared this morning. Luke had a cough last night and all three of us had very little rest as a result. We're better now. Luke's napping. I'm sitting here on my Chromebook...

I finally plucked those dang weeds out of my yard today. That's the physical activity I got in today. Plucking weeds is strenuous. Especially if you're as out of shape as I am. I'm glad I got those weeds plucked, though. My house was beginning to be the eye sore of the neighborhood, and my neighborhood is the eyesore of the city. I did some good yard work and killed four giant black widows in the process. One got away...

So, that's been my day so far. That and me thinking about dang smartphones. We're trapped. We're done. Smartphones are here and they have control. We have the fucking internet wherever we go. We're missing our lives as they pass in front of us. Look at me now. On the internet. It's bullshit. Sorry for the swear words, I just want to provide emphasis on what I'm saying. Plus, I don't think they're swear words when it's written, only when spoken. I've got some weird ideas, and that's one of them. Swear words are great at getting your attention. So, fucking smartphones. I went to Discount Tire Co. to get Lindsey's tire fixed. There were people in the waiting room--they weren't reading newspapers, or magazines, or discussing politics or religion. Nope. They were gazing at a 4" - 5.5" hd display. How many times a day can you check Facebook?!

I'm guilty, too. I stare at my damn phone sometimes and I snap out of my hypnosis and wonder what happened to the last 10 minutes. Turns out I read the same 8 tweets over and over. It's pretty dumb. It's our life, though. I'm going to stop writing in this blog now. I'm going to sip on some apple juice and I'm going to continue to read my book, The Problem of Pain by Clive S. Lewis. It's a good read. I've been at it or a few weeks now, chipping away at the book, soaking in some ideas.