Headache

I haven't written in this darn blog in a long time. Life has been so stinking busy. Lindsey's in school. I'm in school. Our son is growing. We have compressed more into our life than I thought was even possible. When Lindsey's at work I'm home and when I'm at work Lindsey's home. I see her for about 20 minutes each day on Monday through Friday. The blessing is that we have our weekends together. My gosh, it really has been hard though. When I'm at work I'll call her on my breaks. That's nice. I really can't wait for Christmas break for her. We'll get to spend our days together. Then summer break for her will be great too. Hopefully we can head to some beach somewhere and relax with our son.

What else? Well, last night I had this intense headache. It was crazy painful. I got up to feed Luke, then I lied down (lay down? lie down? whatever.), then bam! massive headache. It was so bad that Lindsey woke up and noticed I was in pain. She was so awesome. She prayed for me and gave me a glass of water. I don't even remember the pain going away before I fell asleep. Now today I have minor pain behind my right eye. I wonder if it's just a strain on my vision. I stare at a computer screen for 40 hours a week at work. Then I come home and stare at my Galaxy s3 screen for another 40 hours. It's pretty lame. I hope this dang headache does away though.

Another thing on my mind is Christmas. It sucks, but I have to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I guess it's no problem. I'll still get to enjoy Luke's first Christmas with him. I'll just have to convince my parents and Lindsey's parents to come over and have some Christmas snacks and tea. I'll even start a fire in the fireplace.

Anyway, that is all for now. Once this semester ends I'll have more time to blog... or maybe I'll just use that time to enjoy Luke and Lindsey. So, I'll blog when I blog.

James 4:10 MSG

James 4:10 MSG

So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he'll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet.

There's Some Weird Things in the Bible

Losing energy today... This coffee has been too hot for me to drink. I think I'll start sipping now. ...Perfect temperature. This is one of those really thoughtful weeks. Sometimes I just think about life a lot. I'm not worried. Life is crazy though. There's so much happening. Are we going to be okay? Why isn't life just perfect? It's just not. There are bad things that happen all the time. At the same time, there are good things that happen too. Like my little boy's smile. That's a real good thing.

I just get discouraged every time I log into facebook and read what's going on in people's minds. You know, we all have opinions, it's good to have opinions, it just seems like we just really don't get along with each other. This is evident while this election is heating up. We are a divided country. Then I visit my news app on my phone and all I read about is terrible things. It seems like the entire Earth is restless. I'm just waiting for the next tragedy to come along. I hope that there is no more war. That's what humans do best though. We disagree and then we fight. Then people die. This has been going on for thousands of years. If I think about how much pain is on Earth too long it starts to bring me down.

But I can't focus on the negative. What's the positive? I got to hang out with my family last night. That was good. I don't get to see them very often.

We were given a couch for our living room. It has two recliners. It's super comfortable. Last night, Lindsey and I ordered her new glasses while sitting on this comfortable couch. We also watched Star Trek: The Next Generation while sitting on this lovely couch.

So that was a positive thing in life.

I have a loving family. I love my wife more than anything. I love my son more than anything. We are a young family and we are still learning how this all works. But it's nice to know that I'm loved by Lindsey. It really sucks that our work schedules are all wacked out, but I know we'll get to where we need to be. Patience has been a big lesson for or family.

Music is a positive. It's a temporary escape from the garbage we have to hear about and deal with everyday. I'm listening to The Modern Post right now on Mars Hill's website. It's good music. It makes me glad to listen.

This morning, Luke and I read the Bible together. Right now we're reading Judges in the Old Testament and Mark in the New Testament. There's a lot of weird things that go on in the Old Testament. Just a few days ago we read about a guy named Jephthah (who was the son of a whore) who made a vow to God that if he defeated his opponent in war that he would sacrifice whatever he saw walked out of his home first. I don't know what the heck he was thinking it might be. I'm sure he was aware that his family goes in and out of his home. I don't know if he expected a bunch of young goats to be going in and out of his home. Of course, when he got home, the first thing he sees coming out of his home is his daughter. So of course he's all torn up. He has to sacrifice his daughter to God. It's weird that God didn't stop him. But God didn't really say anything at all. I was expecting God to stop him from the sacrifice just like God stooped Abraham from sacrificing his son. But, there was really no interaction between Jephthah and God at all about the sacrifice. God didn't say that he needed to, I think that Jephthah just did it. Another messed up part of the story is that Jephthah's daughter wasn't married (she had never had sex), so she asked her father if it would be cool if she partied it up for a while before her father had to kill her, so she did. When she came home, her dad had sex with her, then he sacrificed her. Messed up! Why the heck is this in the Bible?

But this is my faith. I have a hard time understanding some of the things I read. And I want to understand. I like to see myself as a logical person. I know that many people would just say that I thew all logic out the window when I started reading the Bible and believing it. But that's okay. They can think whatever they want about me. I'm not super weird. I believe God created the universe. I believe man sinned. I believe God loves me and every human. I believe God is perfect and cannot be with sin. His solution was to come to Earth and die for his children. God sees humans as his children. I'm starting to understand God's love towards humans as a father-to-child love, now that I have a son. I understand that kind of love more.

Have I lost you? Do you think I've lost my marbles? That's okay.

I'll continue.

I believe God came to earth and the only way to delete our darkness, our pain, our suffering, our imperfectness, was to sacrifice himself. How weird does that sound? Super weird. But that's what I believe. God loves. God knows me. God desires my company. He wants me to come to him when I'm having a hard time in life. He knows that there is pain. And just like I embrace my son when he's crying, God embraces me and tells me that I'll be okay. So I trust in God.

Now I've weirded out all of my old friends that probably didn't know this about me.

This is my life. This is what I believe. I'll continue to study. I'll continue to read. I'll continue to think. My mind's not closed.

This is a good hymn to leave you with. I'm listening to it right now. And you can judge me if you want. But still be my friend. I'll still have a beer with you. I'll still hang out. So invite me over, or come over and hang out with me.

If you want to listen to the song I'm listening to then navigate here: http://marshill.com/music/albums/asaphs-arrows and click on In Christ Alone. Here are the lyrics to this song (and chords).

Arrangement by Kingʼs Kaleidoscope

Verse 1

Em Bm7! ! Cmaj7

In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

C! ! ! D

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

G D Cmaj7

My comforter, my all in all—Here in the love of Christ I stand.

Verse 2

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh, fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness, scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on that cross as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid—Here in the death of Christ I live.

Verse 3

Em Bm7!! Cmaj7

There in the ground His body lay, light of the world by darkness slain

" " G D! ! C

Then bursting forth in glorious day, up from the grave He rose again!

C D C D

And as He stands in victory, sin's curse has lost its grip on me;

G! ! ! D C

For I am His and He is mine—bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Verse 4

G D C

No guilt in life, no fear in death—this is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home—here in the power of Christ I'll stand

In Christ Alone

Audio

Audio recording from Pay Period (Lorenzo) @ Albuquerque, New Mexico

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Christianity. What a weird idea. Seriously. If I try to think as logically as I possibly can, then I would have to say that I reject it. It makes no sense. But I still believe despite my doubt. Why? Well I have to search. I have to look deeper into myself. I have to wonder more about the universe. I have to think outside my little world here. How are we here? What about these stories about the nation of Israel? What about these stories about this man Jesus? Are they only stories? Are they only fairy tails? On the surface, you can easily dismiss them as fairy tales. Man has always had some type of religion. Man has always had deities. What makes this Jesus any different? That's what I want to find out.


It might sound like I'm a Christian with no faith, or weak faith. That's not the case. I'm only a curious Christian. I want my faith to be strong. I don't want my faith to exist only because I was taught about Jesus as a child. I want my faith to be intellectually reinforced. I know it can. I don't know much at all. There's lots of Bible to read, it's a really thick book with tons of information.

What makes me believe is that I can experience love. Love is too great to have just appeared. Love has to come from somewhere, or from someone. There needs to be an origin for this love. Could love have evolved? Do we love our children and our spouses to preserve them from dying out? I guess. But there are also people who hate, and their blood lines seem to have no problem continuing on. So is there any other way that love could have come about other than from God? I really don't think so. I love my wife so much. God's gift to me. I love my son so much. God's gift to me.

So what's our issue as humans? We're flawed. “We're only human”, as the saying goes. Every day we mess up. Every day we do something that we could have done better. I could have been nicer to that grocery store clerk. I could have said “hello” to that person I made eye contact with walking down the street. I could have called someone that I love to see how they are doing, to see if I could do anything for them. I could have given a couple dollars to that guy with the cardboard sign asking for a little help. I could have thought about children, mothers and fathers in other countries who have nothing compared to me. Maybe I could have shared some of my wealth with them. Where's my focus? A Samsung Galaxy S III? The Republican National Convention? The Democratic National Convention? A trip to Hawaii? Work. Sleep. Work. Sleep. Eat. A glass of wine. Sleep. Eat. Movie. Repeat. What am I doing with my life? Where do I improve? What does Jesus say? Jesus says to love my enemies. Jesus says that love is the greatest. Jesus shows compassion. Jesus shows love. Jesus doesn't call you out and focus on your sins. Jesus just says that he loves you. And Jesus proved this love to me. He didn't back down. He didn't bail on me. He took the bullet for me.

That's what the stories say at least. How can I be so sure that this is the case. It's a fairy tale. Right? This Jesus came and left 2000 years ago. He seemed like a nice guy. But what is true? It's hard to tell what is true in the world. There are opinions and ideas flying around everywhere I go. But my faith in Jesus holds to every test I give it. My God died for me. He loves me that much. He thinks about me that much. He cares for me. He cares for me enough that I can tell Him what's going on in my life. I can call out to Him when I'm depressed! I can call out to Him when I hurt! And He cares.  

Dry Desert; 3

I have something to eat at home. I'll make it back. Plus, this added joy will give me strength to make it back. I'm on Montano and and the river now. I'll try to find a more direct route back to my abandoned warehouse.


It seems like the atmosphere is already clearing up. We've been breathing in this poison for too long. I'm still in kind of in disbelief that it's raining. The temperature has probably dropped by twenty or thirty degrees already. I wonder how Jack and Holly are doing. I miss them so much. I had to make this sacrifice.

It's been so long, but my heart still hurts for them. I haven't had any communication with them since the last time I saw them. The Postal Service is nonexistent. The internet is a thing of the past. Phones are too. There are some message services that carry letters, but they are unreliable and you need money to send a message. And I've tried to make it to Minneapolis to see them. My choice was to stay here and hope I can stay alive to see them, or die trying to travel solo. My only hope to ever see them was to live in this agonizing place.

It was August, 2023. I remember it clearly. Albuquerque conducting an emergency evacuation. The city was on fire. Gas lines had exploded. Any bit of vegetation was in flames, and thousands of buildings were burning with them. The entire Sandia Mountain range glowed orange that night. The Army was evacuating all women and children. They promised to come back for me. I waited for them. And I waited. They never came. And the city continued to burn.

Holly and Jack were rushed to get into this armored bus by army soldiers. Holly looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I love you, James.” We embraced each other and wept. I've never been in such agony. I told her I would join her soon. She gave me her necklace to hold on to. I gave her this necklace as a gift. This necklace is always with me, and has given me hope when I feel hopeless.

After that night, the remaining survivors didn't hear anything from the government or anyone else. Some tried the journey to meet their families. No one knows if they made it. As far as we knew, the entire country was on fire.

But now it's raining. This means that it could be safe. I have to make a plan. I have to see Jack and Holly.

Dry Desert; 2

It's hot. My body feels weak. What time is it, I wonder? There are no clouds, but I can't really tell where the sun is. There's so much haze. It's a brown tint over everything I see. My lungs hurt with every breath I take. I don't feel good. My vision is blurred. I fall to my knees. My body just can't go any further. I pray that I never wake up.




…



…



Why is it dark? Where am I? Ugh... I'm still alive.



I don't know if I should get up. I don't know if I have the strength. But there's a peculiar smell in the air. Something I haven't smelled in a long time. The air seems cooler than normal. My eyes can't stay open. Wait! I feel something on my face as I lay on my back on this dry river bed. Water! Rain? This isn't happening. This has got to be my body and my mind playing a terrible prank on me. There's another drop. This is real! I muster what's left of any strength in my body to get up. This isn't happening. I don't believe it!



Take a deep breath in. Still smells a bit like burning rubber and camp fires. So much joy! There hasn't been a drop of rain in this dried up town in over twenty years! I'll walk around and enjoy this water coming from the sky.



And I am thirsty. My canteen is empty. I'm hungry, too. I need some energy.

Dry Desert; 1

It's so dry here. It's so hot, too. Every time I breath in I feel like my nasal cavities are drying up like this desert floor. I think I feel a drop of blood coming from my nostril. Even that dries up before it can drip down. I hate this. It seems like even the desert plants are dying of thirst. It hasn't rained in years. I don't know why I'm still here. I guess probably because it's not much better in other parts of the country. Where we once had lush forests we hot sandy desert terrain. The forests all over New Mexico have all burned down long ago. Our once cool, forested mountain tops are all just hot, rocky peaks. Before this drought (drought is an understatement), New Mexico had it's share of desert. But it really wasn't true desert. This is the real deal. Before, the driest places in the states would at least have a stray thunderstorm in the summer. It's been over twenty years since the state's seen a monsoon storm.




It seems like New Mexicans and people in the Southwest in general have adapted a lot better than the rest of the country. We're desert dwellers. Some of our lands are somewhat used to the lack of water. Other parts of the country are fairing so well though. Parts of the Pacific Northwest are still burning. Just imagine all that fuel in dead trees. Our lungs have paid the price too. It's not really safe to go outside anymore due to the contaminated air. Most do anyway though. It's it's amazing how the country has suffered. There is no joy. There's really nothing to be joyful about. People don't have jobs. Most businesses have gone under, at least the small businesses. Walmart is still around. Walmart really dominates all business. Most people who are lucky enough to have a job work at Walmart. The rest of the unlucky folks have been forced into deep poverty. Poverty this country has never seen. And we're all stuck.



Today is an especially depressing day. Well, maybe not depressing, but thoughtful. I feel void. I feel alone. It's so hot. I haven't seen the blue sky in so long. I've almost forgot what it's like to wake up and breath cool, fresh air. This is not a life to live. But I keep hope. It's hard to keep hope.



Today, I'll go for a walk to keep my mind off things. I can't just sit here in this abandoned factory all week, it would be so easy for to do so.



I'll walk west. Why not? I'll walk in the middle of this vacant interstate highway. There aren't cars. Really strange to me. So quiet. Dust. Sand. My lungs hurt. The golden tint of the sky. Sometimes black. It smells like a campfire, with hints of burnt rubber. I wish this hot breeze would just stop. I'm so miserable. There's no life here... none...



All I want is relief. I guess I'll walk to the dry river bed that was once Rio Grande. I feel alone. I feel like weeping. I have to stay strong though. I have to keep hope. I stop on the my pace. I try to imagine what it was once like to gaze at the sunrise over the Sandias on a cool October morning. All I see is haze. Water is scarce, but I've got a drop in my canteen. I have to take a sip. My water reserves are running low for the month, and I'm going though my supply faster than normal. These walks are probably not helping. What's more important though? My sanity (what's left of it), or my physical body. I think I would rather be dead than waste away in that stupid abandoned factory! I hate it!



There's no shade at this river bed, but I like walking along it's former banks. I'll walk north from where I-25 once crossed over this river. The bridge is the only shade I have for now. I'll rest. Look at all this destruction. I remember the news coverage of the Bosque burning away. Now all that's left is sand and chard wood. I'll keep walking.

God Doesn't Mess Around

I just read Deuteronomy chapters 26-28 out loud to my son. I almost feel bad for doing so. I'm always a bit confussed about God's nature in the Old Testament versus the New Testament. Jesus is God in the New Testament and He's loving, He's forgiving, He's gentle. But God in the Old Testament doesn't take any crap. If the Israelites diaobey him, He won't mess around. You'll be in sorry shape. That's what I just read. But on the other hand, God promised to bless the Israelites beyond belief if they followed his commands.
So what I'm trying to understand is how the Old and New Testaments are connected. There are all these rules given to the Israelites. Some really weied rules. Then Jesus comes into the picture and changes everything.
I'm trying to understand.
Some of the Old Testament is hard to take. I'll keep reading. Keep learning.

Breath in the Fresh Air

I'm sick and tired of Facebook. There is so much hate on my feed. We know people are all different. And we know that Republicans and Democrats don't agree. Has it always been like this? Probably. I just don't want to hear opinions on Facebook. I know this isn't fair because I probably post more than anyone on Facebook. I like to think my posts are a little more light-hearted. I like humor. I try not to post politcal crap. It's not that I don't care about politics. I know it's important to be involved. But it seems like politics divide us as a country and we are not united. I think I have more important things to worry about...my family. I guess politics directly effect how my family lives. How much taxes come out of my check. Quality of roads, healthcare, schools, availibility of jobs. So I know. It's really important to be involved. Maybe we can agree to disagree. I'm sure this has been going on for long before I was born. I just hope we don't kill eachother in the process.

Other things on my mind; I love this EP of cover songs from Relient K. I also love Higher Love by Steve Winwood. What a lame song. I don't know why I love it. I watching our boy roll around in his crib. I'm in the living room and I have a Tango call streaming video from his litte crib. I can't see him any more. He's now covered in blankets. I'm going to check on him. Haha! He covered the camera with his little blanket. Now he's out here in the living room jamming out to lame 80's synth-rock with me. Everclear is next on the playlist. We're waiting for my mom to show up. My grandpa's Verizon phone isn't working and she wants me to troubleshoot it.

I think Luke likes Steve Winwood. Maybe Steve Winwood will be cool when Luke gets older.

I've been looking at homes to rent. Lindsey and I really want to purchase a house. We're not sure if we're there yet though. We need to save more. We're thinking maybe of downgrading for a while until we have a good solid savings. At least that's what I think we're going to do. We need to talk more about it.

Truth is I love Lindsey and I want her to be happy where she is. I know it sucks to move every year too. We'll see what happens though. I know God has a plan for us. I'm thinking about starting my Masters program too. Verizon is going to pay for it, so why not? I'm at least going to test the waters. The semester starts in October. I'll take one class and see how I like it.

All for now. Hope you're having a wonderful week. Head out to the mountains. Enjoy the wonderful New Mexico forest. You won't be sorry. Maybe download some Steve Winwood and thow it in your mp3 player. On second thought, don't do that. Just breath in the fresh air.

Enjoy this photo I took of the forest in New Mexico.

It's an MxPx Kinda Day

"...I feel your breath upon my face, as you replace my broken wings."

mewithoutYou

This song got me hooked 10 years ago in my apartment on Montgomery Blvd. Love mewithoutYou! I can't wait to see them rock the Launchpad later tonight!

Let us die, Let us die
Then dying we reply,
oh dont you tell us 
about your suffering,
now look in our eyes-
look in our eyes.
Let us be, Let us be
Our closeness is such that
where ever she rests her head
in the softness underneath,
She'll feel me and you'll 
feel me

Je leverai les yeux a toi- 
J'ai change cent fois de nom 
Je leverai les yeux a toi- 
Je n'ai pas d'espoir. 

When you laugh you'll feel
my breath there filling up 
your lungs. And when you cry 
those arent your tears but Im 
there falling down your cheek.
And when you say you love him
taste me, Im like poison on
your tongue. But when your 
tired, if you're quiet, 
hear me, singing you to sleep.

Sufjan Stevens - Chicago

I love this song. Just though I would share it with you.

Check out the lyrics for this song.

I fell in love againAll things go, all things goDrove to ChicagoAll things know, all things know
We sold our clothes to the stateI don't mind, I don't mindI made a lot of mistakesIn my mind, in my mind
You came to take usAll things go, all things goTo recreate usAll things grow, all things grow
We had our mindsetAll things know, all things knowYou had to find itAll things go, all things go
I drove to New YorkIn a van with my friendWe slept in parking lotsI don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the placeIn my mind, in my mindI made a lot of mistakesIn my mind, in my mind
You came to take usAll things go, all things goTo recreate usAll things grow, all things grow
We had our mindsetAll things know, all things knowYou had to find itAll things go, all things go
If I was cryingIn the van with my friendIt was for freedomFrom myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakesI made a lot of mistakesI made a lot of mistakesI made a lot of mistakes
You came to take usAll things go, all things goTo recreate usAll things grow, all things grow
We had our mindsetAll things know, all things knowYou had to find itAll things go, all things go
You came to take usAll things go, all things goTo recreate usAll things grow, all things grow
We had our mindset(I made a lot of mistakes)All things know, all things know(I made a lot of mistakes)
You had to find it(I made a lot of mistakes)All things go, all things go(I made a lot of mistakes)

Love is Everything

I have to share these lyrics from Mumford & Sons. The song is Sigh No More.

Love is everything.

                                                                    "Sigh No More"

Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
You know me
You know me

But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love; it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment to cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Love; it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

There is a design, an alignment to cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Love; it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be

And there is a design, an alignment to cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Thinking About God

I'm enjoying my breakfast. A bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats, a Banana and a cup of Cafe Bustelo coffee with soy milk. It's quite tasty. I'm listening to Sufjan Steven's record Illinois. It's very cozy morning. Luke is in his rocker right next to me enjoying his morning nap. I let Diego out this morning and there is still a hint of a smell of rain in the air.

I had a lot on my mind that I wanted to write down. I don't remember any of it. I think I wanted to talk about God. I don't remember. I just feel uneasy this morning. It's just weird to me... that I still believe in God and so many other people have rejected any idea of a God. It sounds crazy on paper, it really does. And a lot of us were brought up taught that the Christian God is what is true. Now we are at the age that we can decide for ourselves. Does God exist? God isn't walking around Earth somewhere. We can't shake his hand. We don't see press conferences with him on the news. God could do that. Why doesn't he? Why doesn't he just come down to earth, call all the news networks and arrange a press conference to announce that he, in fact, does exist? The naysayers would be proven wrong.

And why is it so difficult being a Christian? I feel like people look down on my because of my belief. I'm no less than you, non-christian. I believe science and God can't be separated. In my view, God created the heavens and the earth. He created the dinosaurs. He created the Rocky Mountains. He created Mariana Trench. He created stars, every type of star, out of nothing. It can be no other way to me. He created Love. Love. Love. He made my little boy's nose, his ears, his little laugh. And God loves. How can I be so sure? You might just say, "you were brought up to be a Christian, that's why you believe that". You might be part right. I have had the chance to think for myself, outside my parents direction. There is a time when you have to sit down and really think about what you believe. Your religion, or world view has to be seriously thought about. In our world, you either have God, or you don't (atheist). So, I had to choose. Do I want God, or do I not? I choose God. I choose God because there is a Universe. I choose God because of all the issues we have in the world. I think our problems show that there is evil. If there is evil then there has to be good. I choose God because of humans. Humans are so much different than all other animals on Earth. We love, we hate, we're jealous, we're humble, we're prideful, we're happy, we're sad, we're content, we have joy, we're afraid. Other animals experience emotion too, but not like Humans.

There are lots of questions I have too. Like what about the Bible? What is this canon? So a bunch of church leaders came together and decided what is divine, and what is not. What is God inspired and what is not? Was God there with them? Well, I hope so. But the canon is whatever. Jesus existed. Secular historians don't deny Jesus' existence. We just have to find out if Jesus died and stayed dead. What a weird thing to believe, huh? My God died, and rose from the dead. Jesus wasn't a zombie. He rose from the dead. People just don't do that. So how do I find out if Jesus really did come back to life after being dead for three days? Well, they haven't found any bones. Historical records don't show that his dead body was anywhere. Could the disciples have hidden the body of Jesus because they didn't want to be wrong? I guess, but some of then ended up dying for Jesus. If it was just a joke I'm sure they would have just backed out. I wouldn't die for something fake. And Jesus' legacy moved on... I don't know everything. And I'll be honest, if someone told me that they found Jesus' bones and he didn't rise from the dead, then I would reconsider my faith. But Jesus can't be dis-proven! And thanks, Richard Dawkins but neither can a flying spaghetti monster.

Until they find the bones of Jesus, I'll continue to have faith. I'll read about our universe. I'll read about our weather patterns, I'll read about mountains, and I'll dream of visiting them. There is so much wonder in this life. There is so much beauty.

Sorry, Apple Peeps

This is my apology to all Apple fans. Sometimes, when I try to understand something I become overly critical. Truth is I'm a complete hypocrite. I own an iPod classic and an iPod touch 2nd gen and I enjoy me some iTunes. My best friends all own Apple computers. Jeff, Joe, Sean... I even wanted an Apple computer at one time. My economist's brain gets me in trouble. Lindsey tells me that all the time. She asks me to take her out to dinner. I'm like, "where do you want to go?" Most of the time my answer is "that's too expensive and the food isn't that great". I'm learning. I can spend some money on nice dinners for my wife. The fact that we are enjoying our evening is much better than figuring out what we want from the "dollar menu". I'm a super cheapskate. Here's what Webster has to say about me http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheapskate. If Lindsey wants the best, I'll give her the best. If Luke wants the best I'll give him the best. If the best is Apple, then I'll give them Apple. Whatevs.

So, I"m sorry. I don't want to sever friendships over a product.

Sacrifice

I should be napping right now. I'm pretty tired and after a failed attempt to feed Luke, he's now napping. I've had lots on my mind. I always have lots on my mind. I'm never idle. Family has changed my life in a huge way. I'm learning how to stop thinking only of myself. It started with the moment I signed that paper saying I'll be Lindsey's husband and she'll be my wife. We have both made sacrifices in marriage. That is what marriage is all about. You sacrifice something to gain another. I sacrifice my nights drinking at Anodyne to know that Lindsey loves me. I sacrifice my evening, head-clearing jogs for cooking dinner and talking to the one I love. Sometimes I miss those things. And sometimes Lindsey misses the things she sacrificed for me. But then we stop to think what we gained and it is totally worth it. Do I miss my empty bank account after a night of drinking? Nope. Do I miss the splitting headache and agonizing body aches after the bar? No way. What about my hacking from smoking too many cigarettes? I would trade diapers for that any day.

And then I look at my little boys face...

Wow!

I am so blessed!

Listening to Coldplay

Ben Folds always puts me in a thoughtful mood... I hope this Google Chrome browser doesn't crash. Ubuntu has been super unstable on my computer. It probably doesn't help that this computer is almost ten years old. It seems like the browser isn't craping out, but my internet connection is.
Whatever though. My heart hurts. I miss our little son so much. Today I'm pulling some overtime hours. Overtime is good. I'm happy I have the opportunity to make a bit of extra cash. The trade off is that I don't get to hang out with our little one. I just want to see his little eyes move around. I want to hear him yell. Yeah, he likes to yell. He'll yell at his little toys in his play gym. He's not crying, he's just exercising his voice. He like to kinda do these mini yells too. You'd have to hear him in person to understand. Once you hear him though, you'll melt. It's the cutest little thing ever.
I can't wait to see him again.
Lindsey and him are driving around looking for a dentist. I hope they find something. Lindsey is in a bit of pain. I miss her too. Wow, today I'm sentimental. I've only been gone for 10.5 hours. I hope I never get a job that requires me to be gone for days or weeks. I mean, it would be nice to travel, but it would be worthless to travel without my family.
I'm chiche. I'm a family guy. Not Peter Griffin. I'm a guy that loves his wife and son. I'm so needy. I need them. That doesn't bother me though. I've always needed them. I'm that much more fulfilled. Life is difficult, but my boy and my lady make a bit of sense out of this.
I just hope I can succeed. I hope I can be their hero... Is that weird? Probably so.
Anyway, I'm excited.

I'm excited for this summer. We were able to visit the forest this week. We went to Sipapu. On our way we saw Truchas Peaks and on our way back we saw Wheeler Peak and the Rio Grande Gorge. It was magnificent! I hope to head back soon. This summer I'm also going to see A New Found Glory at Warped Tour. That's going to be amazing. They are deffinitely one of my all time favorite bands. It's going to be cool to hang out with Jon and watch some pop-punk.
I'll keep the blog updated with pictures. You can also find me on Instagram @bobthehermit and on Twitter @offlohi. Please don't spam me bots.
Welcome to Costco. I love you.

I Want To Get Out and Camp

It's probably been over a year since I have gone camping. I want to go so bad! I want to leave straight from work and set up my tent. I want to feel the cool, mountain air on my skin. I want to cook an amazing dinner and enjoy a New Mexico craft beer. I want to build a fire and enjoy my wife's company. I want to wake up early the next morning and brew some coffee. I want to head out on a hike through the woods. I'll bring my fishing pole and find a nice shady spot. I'll head back to camp and enjoy being outside. There will probably be a heavy afternoon thunderstorm.

Friday Morning

I Don't Feel Very Good

I was going to turn on the tv and veg out some more. That's getting old. I've been sick since Tuesday. This love seat has been my home for the past couple days. I have the worst common cold. I think it's a common cold. My body feels week. I have a deep lung cough. I feel overly fatigued. I have no appetite (which is probably a good thing). When I cough it feels like my head is going to explode. I read it could be a sinus infection. Whatever this is, it sucks. I'm ready to feel normal. I'm hoping not to get out little baby sick either. There have been times when I had to hold little Luke. I make sure not to cough and that my hands are clean.

I admire Linds for putting up with us so well. Our baby is a handful for both of us when we are 100%. Now I'm lucky if I'm 30% and Linds is picking up all the slack. Lindsey felt my forehead last night to see if I was running a fever. I think she thought I was asleep. I love Lindsey. Life gets hard sometimes, but it's knowing that Lindsey loves me that pulls me through.

Right now Lindsey is at her parents house taking a little break from the Dominguez casa, allowing me to get some rest. It's something she needed for sure. She's been super mom/wife for the past 72 hours, even super mom/wife needs to catch a breath though.

I'm still debating wether or not to go to work tomorrow. I've had the last two days off. I'm thinking of just taking a half day. That could be alright.

Well, I think I'm done writing.

Welcome, My Son

I had too much sleep last night and I need a shower. I don't think I stink, or anything. I just like feeling clean. That's probably the worst thing about camping. I can't get a shower. My eyes feel dirty. My hair feels nappy. I need to brush my teeth. I love feeling clean. But, when I'm camping, I get over that. I enjoy breathing in the cool mountain air. The mountain air helps me get over my discomfort. How stupid my discomfort is.

My life has changed. Lindsey and I welcomed our baby boy into the world. He is nothing short of perfect. I cannot even begin to describe to you what it was like to see his little face for the first time. People always talk about how birth is a miracle, and you don't think much about it until you see it happen. I love my son so much. I know what it means to truly worry now. I thought I had worry before. I worried about graduating university. I worried about making rent. I worried about finding a gorgeous woman who loves me (I had legitimate reason for that worry, but God did bless me). Having a baby son will give you real worry. And I have a feeling this worry isn't going away any time soon. I worry that I will fail as a father. I worry about worse things that I don't even want to mention in this blog.

I know that God caused this universe to exist from nothing and it expanded from nothing faster than the speed of light. That shouldn't even be possible. Matter and anti-matter. I can't even try to understand how our universe works, and even the smartest people in the history of humankind are still trying to understand it. For me, I have the universe sleeping right next to me. He is mine and Lindsey's universe, and he's only 10 days old.

So, I'll do my best. I'll try my hardest. Then I'll try even harder. Luke will motivate Lindsey and I. He already has. He is changing lives already. He has all the potential in the world and I am excited to be a part of his life. He also has the cutest little startle reflex. I love my son. I love him, I love him, I love him.


You made me so happy, God 
      I saw your work and I shouted for joy. Psalm 92:4 (The Message)

Journal

Here's a journal entry. One picture is sideways. Deal with it.

Glorieta Beer, Spain

I finally got my fat a$$ off the couch, I put the fork down and I went for a run. It's been almost a month since I've gone for a run. I ran 2.17 miles and it took me 22:14 minnutes. 10 minute (plus) miles. Lame sauce. What do you expect? I'm probably fifty pounds over weight. I think my heart is still in alright condition. My pulse was about 180 to 190 beats a minute.

My run was great though. It felt good. I even stopped a few times to take some pictures. I'll post them in this blog. I took a picture of this weird structure that's on the rail line. It looks like it may have been used for storage back in the day. I'll have to look it up and see what it is. If you look at the main picture on my blog you can kinda see it in the background. It's on the right side of the track, in the very back. That structure is still standing. It would be sweet if that was used for something, like a coffee shop, or a brew pub. That would be mega sweet!

I found what that building is! Southwestern Brewery and Ice Company! How cool!

Here's a few links.

http://www.freebase.com/view/en/southwestern_brewing_ice_co

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/index.html?curid=3019508

I think someone should bring back this brewery. I would love to have a Glorieta Beer!

Here's another sweet link! Pictures of the beer can/bottle labels.

http://www.beercanmuseum.com/Page_24.html

Please also enjoy some photos that I took while on the run.

I think if I had just ran then I would get my miles down below ten minutes. We'll see next time.

A couple of other things. Sorry about all of the random Twitter posts in different languages. I found this sweet Android app that translates the words I speak to it into other languages. I would love to master the Spanish language and take my son and wife to Spain.

Weezer, Boats

I'm listening to Weezer. This is weird. Weezer used to be my second favorite band after MxPx. Then they released the Green album and all the garbage after it. I totally lost track of them after Green. The funny thing is that I'm listening to some of that garbage. Maladroit is playing now. I don't think I've ever heard these songs, but for some reason I have them on my iPod. The songs aren't terrible. It sounds like Weezer. I think I just like to listen to what other people's opinions about bands are. It seems like we all are heavily influenced on what other people think about something. It would be nice if we were more independent. We move like a flock of birds, or a school of fish. It's kinda dumb.

Man, I need to loose some weight! I've been so freaking lazy for the past two to three years. I used to run and hike and skate and snowboard. Now all I do is sit inside all stinking day. I don't think I've had a tan line in years. I hate it. I want to camp, and fish, and I want a boat. Not a big boat. Not a boat with a motor. I want a small fishing boat that I have to row. I would love to hang out and just enjoy the water and nature around me.

Today, Lindsey and I went to Dick's Sporting Goods. They just opened a store in Albuquerque, so we thought we would stop by just for fun. They had some hiking shoes and some camping gear and BOATS. The boats were pretty darn cool. I would love to have one so that I can put it in a lake and just float along. I'll fish from that boat and enjoy the fish I catch later that evening.

Still no son. His due date was yesterday. No son yet. I knew he was going to be late. I just want to know how late. We were told that most first pregnancies are late. We were also told that Sex Panther works 60% of the time, every time. We're ready. His room's ready.

Wow, this Weezer song is pretty bad...

Things That Are Real

Have you ever tried Rio Grande Coffee? It's pretty good. We bought some type of chocolate flavored whole bean. It smells so good! It's hard to be frugal when you buy coffee. Sometimes, I'll buy the $2.39 can of Krogger coffee. I regret it every time. I almost never use cream or flavoring, but when I buy that coffee and any other type of cheap coffee, I have to doctor it. Coffee does make me happy though. It's one of those things that bring me comfort in life. It helps me prepare for my day. It stimulates all of my senses. It's pretty darn cool.

Today is a good day. Today has the potential to be strange... I don't want it to be strange. Life is so freaking weird to me sometimes. I'm in a dream, it feels. We have some things that are real; love, music, forests...ha ha! Forests. Forests are real to me. The everyday routine is a dream, though. I spend most of my daily life at a job. I don't spend it with my wife. I won't spend it with my kid. I spend it at a job. I am so grateful that I have a job. But, I would love to spend every day of my life with my wonderful wife. She makes me feel like I'm not in a so-so dream.

I'm going to drink the rest of my coffee. I'm going to eat my oatmeal and grapefruit. I'm going to thank God for my wife. I think I'll let her know that today. 

New Mexico's a Dream

It's Thursday evening. I'm wearing my Isotopes cap and it's squeezing my head. I think my head is getting fatter. 

That first sentence doesn't mean anything. Today was just a day, a really strange day. We drove to Magdelena, NM just because we wanted to get out of town. We also had a free meal coupon for Village Inn in  Los Lunas.  Los Lunas was on the way to Magdelena.  

We traveled through a few different New Mexico towns today.  We saw Albuquerque, Los Lunas, Belen, Socorro, and Magdelena. I thought about how beautiful New Mexico is but how ugly New Mexicans make it. The desert has it's own type of beauty. But we pollute it with garbage. Bad buildings, garbage and broken-down cars are everywhere. 

Magdelena was a strange town. There were a few really old buildings. They looked like they might have been built in the 1900s or 1910s. The buildings were in really bad shape. People have really forgotten about this village. There was a post office, a library, a couple of galleries, not much more. There was also a mountain chain to the south and desert all to the north. 

I'm so sad that New Mexico isn't respected by its residents. Think of all the states that have people that respect their surroundings. I can think of Oregon, Washington, Texas, Colorado, Utah, California. In New Mexico, so often I'll see people just throw their garbage out of the window and onto the street. How disrespectful! Why does it seem like New Mexicans just don't care about our state. We could do so much more to show respect to our diverse surroundings. We could get outside more often. We could enjoy more of the natural beauties we're so lucky to have in our reach. 

Here are a few of the pictures I took of Magdelena.

I hope to see New Mexico thrive like the other states in the Union. Will anyone ever see the beauty that I see here? There's so much more of this state I want to see, too. I've never even been to White Sands. I want to at least drive by all of the 10,000 ft and above peaks. It would be even better if I could hike up them. There is a 10,000 peak by Magdelena called South Baldy. Maybe I'll hike up to that peak. Maybe I'll even camp there with Luke. 

Today I was thinking about how cool it would be if there was a Space Needle type structure on top of Sandia Peak. What if there was a 1,000 ft tower on top of Sandia Peak? That would be an amazing experience. You would start at the foot of Sandia Peak on Tramway Boulevard. You would take the Tramway up to the top of the mountain, then take an elevator to the top of this tower. I think it would be amazing if there were a pub up there and maybe a coffee shop, too. Not a stupid fancy restaurant that nobody can afford, but something low-key and a place that is fun to hang out. Maybe a performance space. How cool would that be? Oh, I would love to sip on some local New Mexico brew on the top of this tower in July. I would imagine at that altitude that the temperature would only reach the 70s or maybe 80s in July.

My other complaint about New Mexico is all of the money we spend on our cars and trucks. New Mexico is one of the poorest states in the USA and we probably spend the most on chrome rims and paint jobs. Let's think about how much the average New Mexican might spend on a vehicle. A car payment could be $400 per month. Full coverage insurance could be about $150 per month. Spinning chrome rims and low-profile tires could cost $1,500. Let's also consider maintaining and providing fuel for these vehicles. How much would that cost per month? What about all of those red-light-camera tickets that the average New Mexican still has unpaid? What about the cost of the DWI that that New Mexican probably has? Now what if we spent all of that money on a state of the art public transportation system? 

Could you image what that train and bus system would be like? Let's just say that 200,000 New Mexicans put $1,000 into public transportation instead of their stupid car or truck. We would be less stressed because we wouldn't have to worry about traffic. We would be smarter because there's nothing better to do on a bus or train than read, write or listen to good music. We would be safer because the drunk drivers would be off the roads. 

I really hope I get old, and I really hope to see my dreams come true some day.  

I'm So Thirsty!

Just got back from the gym. I'm so thirsty right now. I could chug a gallon of water. I probably couldn't chug an entire gallon of water. Maybe a pint or so. I just wanted to emphasize how thirsty I am. I'm working out for two reasons now; The first reason is that I want to look good for Lindsey, Lord knows, my wit won't keep her around by itself, the second reason is that I want to be healthy to better my chances of sticking around long enough to see Luke grow up.

I'm still praying for a healthy pregnancy. When you're an expecting parent, you watch all types of documentaries, you read all types of articles, and every one scares you to pieces. I've heard that every thing should be fine... For me, it's in God's hands.

I felt thoughtful just 30 minutes ago. I don't so much anymore. It seems like when I'm running on the treadmill that life is just on my mind. I do my best thinking while I run. Right now there's a Pandora commercial... Thinking stalled. I don't even care anymore. All I can think about is chugging that pint of water. I'll keep writing though.

Last night I was discouraged about my faith. I've been more open about my faith lately. I think it's a good thing. Someone's faith isn't something that should be hidden. Someone's faith should be the most important thing in that person's life. I mean it's called a world view for a reason. You see the world through your lens of faith. Is my lens false? Is my lens distorting my view of the world? Well, that's up to me to decide. To me it's truth. Sometimes I will reevaluate my lens. It always makes sense to me though.

Some  people are probably a little surprised at my belief. Some people probably don't care. I do care what other people think. I don't want what people to think about me to influence my actions, sometimes it does. It shouldn't, though. My life is under a constant surveillance. There's Facebook and there's Twitter. I'm not shy on either networks. I'm not sure who's seeing the posts I make. I rarely get responses. Maybe people just think what I'm saying is stupid. Or maybe what I'm saying is just not worth responding to. I'm not sure.

Whatever people think is fine. They have free will to think whatever they would like to think about me. Do they really have a completely free will? Our culture affects our free will. At least it influences the way we think. We have all sorts of media that might affect our free will. We have our peers, who we admire, that affect our nature of thinking. There is a tendency for us as humans to follow the main stream. Most of us are either Republican or Democrat. We either think that the government should take care of the less fortunate, or we think that the less fortunate should contribute to society by getting a job. We think that homosexuals should have the right to marry or we don't. We think that a woman's right should be to abort a fetus or we think it's murder. There's a main stream of thought. Whatever that mainstream tendency is will ultimately win out on any debate we have. It seems like Christianity is not in this main stream.

I could probably write a lot more about my thoughts about Christianity. (I like to call it The Way. I'm reading Acts right now.) Was Jesus real? Was he God? Did he rise from the dead in three days and return to Heaven. How crazy this sounds, but I believe it. I believe it with all my heart. My faith isn't the strongest. I've been a terrible person. I'm going to continue to examine my faith. I'm going to continue to search for God.