I have something to eat at home. I'll make it back. Plus, this added joy will give me strength to make it back. I'm on Montano and and the river now. I'll try to find a more direct route back to my abandoned warehouse.
It seems like the atmosphere is already clearing up. We've been breathing in this poison for too long. I'm still in kind of in disbelief that it's raining. The temperature has probably dropped by twenty or thirty degrees already. I wonder how Jack and Holly are doing. I miss them so much. I had to make this sacrifice.
It's been so long, but my heart still hurts for them. I haven't had any communication with them since the last time I saw them. The Postal Service is nonexistent. The internet is a thing of the past. Phones are too. There are some message services that carry letters, but they are unreliable and you need money to send a message. And I've tried to make it to Minneapolis to see them. My choice was to stay here and hope I can stay alive to see them, or die trying to travel solo. My only hope to ever see them was to live in this agonizing place.
It was August, 2023. I remember it clearly. Albuquerque conducting an emergency evacuation. The city was on fire. Gas lines had exploded. Any bit of vegetation was in flames, and thousands of buildings were burning with them. The entire Sandia Mountain range glowed orange that night. The Army was evacuating all women and children. They promised to come back for me. I waited for them. And I waited. They never came. And the city continued to burn.
Holly and Jack were rushed to get into this armored bus by army soldiers. Holly looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “I love you, James.” We embraced each other and wept. I've never been in such agony. I told her I would join her soon. She gave me her necklace to hold on to. I gave her this necklace as a gift. This necklace is always with me, and has given me hope when I feel hopeless.
After that night, the remaining survivors didn't hear anything from the government or anyone else. Some tried the journey to meet their families. No one knows if they made it. As far as we knew, the entire country was on fire.
But now it's raining. This means that it could be safe. I have to make a plan. I have to see Jack and Holly.
21 August 2012
Dry Desert; 2
It's hot. My body feels weak. What time is it, I wonder? There are no clouds, but I can't really tell where the sun is. There's so much haze. It's a brown tint over everything I see. My lungs hurt with every breath I take. I don't feel good. My vision is blurred. I fall to my knees. My body just can't go any further. I pray that I never wake up.
…
…
Why is it dark? Where am I? Ugh... I'm still alive.
I don't know if I should get up. I don't know if I have the strength. But there's a peculiar smell in the air. Something I haven't smelled in a long time. The air seems cooler than normal. My eyes can't stay open. Wait! I feel something on my face as I lay on my back on this dry river bed. Water! Rain? This isn't happening. This has got to be my body and my mind playing a terrible prank on me. There's another drop. This is real! I muster what's left of any strength in my body to get up. This isn't happening. I don't believe it!
Take a deep breath in. Still smells a bit like burning rubber and camp fires. So much joy! There hasn't been a drop of rain in this dried up town in over twenty years! I'll walk around and enjoy this water coming from the sky.
And I am thirsty. My canteen is empty. I'm hungry, too. I need some energy.
…
…
Why is it dark? Where am I? Ugh... I'm still alive.
I don't know if I should get up. I don't know if I have the strength. But there's a peculiar smell in the air. Something I haven't smelled in a long time. The air seems cooler than normal. My eyes can't stay open. Wait! I feel something on my face as I lay on my back on this dry river bed. Water! Rain? This isn't happening. This has got to be my body and my mind playing a terrible prank on me. There's another drop. This is real! I muster what's left of any strength in my body to get up. This isn't happening. I don't believe it!
Take a deep breath in. Still smells a bit like burning rubber and camp fires. So much joy! There hasn't been a drop of rain in this dried up town in over twenty years! I'll walk around and enjoy this water coming from the sky.
And I am thirsty. My canteen is empty. I'm hungry, too. I need some energy.
14 August 2012
Dry Desert; 1
It's so dry here. It's so hot, too. Every time I breath in I feel like my nasal cavities are drying up like this desert floor. I think I feel a drop of blood coming from my nostril. Even that dries up before it can drip down. I hate this. It seems like even the desert plants are dying of thirst. It hasn't rained in years. I don't know why I'm still here. I guess probably because it's not much better in other parts of the country. Where we once had lush forests we hot sandy desert terrain. The forests all over New Mexico have all burned down long ago. Our once cool, forested mountain tops are all just hot, rocky peaks. Before this drought (drought is an understatement), New Mexico had it's share of desert. But it really wasn't true desert. This is the real deal. Before, the driest places in the states would at least have a stray thunderstorm in the summer. It's been over twenty years since the state's seen a monsoon storm.
It seems like New Mexicans and people in the Southwest in general have adapted a lot better than the rest of the country. We're desert dwellers. Some of our lands are somewhat used to the lack of water. Other parts of the country are fairing so well though. Parts of the Pacific Northwest are still burning. Just imagine all that fuel in dead trees. Our lungs have paid the price too. It's not really safe to go outside anymore due to the contaminated air. Most do anyway though. It's it's amazing how the country has suffered. There is no joy. There's really nothing to be joyful about. People don't have jobs. Most businesses have gone under, at least the small businesses. Walmart is still around. Walmart really dominates all business. Most people who are lucky enough to have a job work at Walmart. The rest of the unlucky folks have been forced into deep poverty. Poverty this country has never seen. And we're all stuck.
Today is an especially depressing day. Well, maybe not depressing, but thoughtful. I feel void. I feel alone. It's so hot. I haven't seen the blue sky in so long. I've almost forgot what it's like to wake up and breath cool, fresh air. This is not a life to live. But I keep hope. It's hard to keep hope.
Today, I'll go for a walk to keep my mind off things. I can't just sit here in this abandoned factory all week, it would be so easy for to do so.
I'll walk west. Why not? I'll walk in the middle of this vacant interstate highway. There aren't cars. Really strange to me. So quiet. Dust. Sand. My lungs hurt. The golden tint of the sky. Sometimes black. It smells like a campfire, with hints of burnt rubber. I wish this hot breeze would just stop. I'm so miserable. There's no life here... none...
All I want is relief. I guess I'll walk to the dry river bed that was once Rio Grande. I feel alone. I feel like weeping. I have to stay strong though. I have to keep hope. I stop on the my pace. I try to imagine what it was once like to gaze at the sunrise over the Sandias on a cool October morning. All I see is haze. Water is scarce, but I've got a drop in my canteen. I have to take a sip. My water reserves are running low for the month, and I'm going though my supply faster than normal. These walks are probably not helping. What's more important though? My sanity (what's left of it), or my physical body. I think I would rather be dead than waste away in that stupid abandoned factory! I hate it!
There's no shade at this river bed, but I like walking along it's former banks. I'll walk north from where I-25 once crossed over this river. The bridge is the only shade I have for now. I'll rest. Look at all this destruction. I remember the news coverage of the Bosque burning away. Now all that's left is sand and chard wood. I'll keep walking.
It seems like New Mexicans and people in the Southwest in general have adapted a lot better than the rest of the country. We're desert dwellers. Some of our lands are somewhat used to the lack of water. Other parts of the country are fairing so well though. Parts of the Pacific Northwest are still burning. Just imagine all that fuel in dead trees. Our lungs have paid the price too. It's not really safe to go outside anymore due to the contaminated air. Most do anyway though. It's it's amazing how the country has suffered. There is no joy. There's really nothing to be joyful about. People don't have jobs. Most businesses have gone under, at least the small businesses. Walmart is still around. Walmart really dominates all business. Most people who are lucky enough to have a job work at Walmart. The rest of the unlucky folks have been forced into deep poverty. Poverty this country has never seen. And we're all stuck.
Today is an especially depressing day. Well, maybe not depressing, but thoughtful. I feel void. I feel alone. It's so hot. I haven't seen the blue sky in so long. I've almost forgot what it's like to wake up and breath cool, fresh air. This is not a life to live. But I keep hope. It's hard to keep hope.
Today, I'll go for a walk to keep my mind off things. I can't just sit here in this abandoned factory all week, it would be so easy for to do so.
I'll walk west. Why not? I'll walk in the middle of this vacant interstate highway. There aren't cars. Really strange to me. So quiet. Dust. Sand. My lungs hurt. The golden tint of the sky. Sometimes black. It smells like a campfire, with hints of burnt rubber. I wish this hot breeze would just stop. I'm so miserable. There's no life here... none...
All I want is relief. I guess I'll walk to the dry river bed that was once Rio Grande. I feel alone. I feel like weeping. I have to stay strong though. I have to keep hope. I stop on the my pace. I try to imagine what it was once like to gaze at the sunrise over the Sandias on a cool October morning. All I see is haze. Water is scarce, but I've got a drop in my canteen. I have to take a sip. My water reserves are running low for the month, and I'm going though my supply faster than normal. These walks are probably not helping. What's more important though? My sanity (what's left of it), or my physical body. I think I would rather be dead than waste away in that stupid abandoned factory! I hate it!
There's no shade at this river bed, but I like walking along it's former banks. I'll walk north from where I-25 once crossed over this river. The bridge is the only shade I have for now. I'll rest. Look at all this destruction. I remember the news coverage of the Bosque burning away. Now all that's left is sand and chard wood. I'll keep walking.
God Doesn't Mess Around
I just read Deuteronomy chapters 26-28 out loud to my son. I almost feel bad for doing so. I'm always a bit confussed about God's nature in the Old Testament versus the New Testament. Jesus is God in the New Testament and He's loving, He's forgiving, He's gentle. But God in the Old Testament doesn't take any crap. If the Israelites diaobey him, He won't mess around. You'll be in sorry shape. That's what I just read. But on the other hand, God promised to bless the Israelites beyond belief if they followed his commands.
So what I'm trying to understand is how the Old and New Testaments are connected. There are all these rules given to the Israelites. Some really weied rules. Then Jesus comes into the picture and changes everything.
I'm trying to understand.
Some of the Old Testament is hard to take. I'll keep reading. Keep learning.
So what I'm trying to understand is how the Old and New Testaments are connected. There are all these rules given to the Israelites. Some really weied rules. Then Jesus comes into the picture and changes everything.
I'm trying to understand.
Some of the Old Testament is hard to take. I'll keep reading. Keep learning.
13 August 2012
Breath in the Fresh Air
I'm sick and tired of Facebook. There is so much hate on my feed. We know people are all different. And we know that Republicans and Democrats don't agree. Has it always been like this? Probably. I just don't want to hear opinions on Facebook. I know this isn't fair because I probably post more than anyone on Facebook. I like to think my posts are a little more light-hearted. I like humor. I try not to post politcal crap. It's not that I don't care about politics. I know it's important to be involved. But it seems like politics divide us as a country and we are not united. I think I have more important things to worry about...my family. I guess politics directly effect how my family lives. How much taxes come out of my check. Quality of roads, healthcare, schools, availibility of jobs. So I know. It's really important to be involved. Maybe we can agree to disagree. I'm sure this has been going on for long before I was born. I just hope we don't kill eachother in the process.
Other things on my mind; I love this EP of cover songs from Relient K. I also love Higher Love by Steve Winwood. What a lame song. I don't know why I love it. I watching our boy roll around in his crib. I'm in the living room and I have a Tango call streaming video from his litte crib. I can't see him any more. He's now covered in blankets. I'm going to check on him. Haha! He covered the camera with his little blanket. Now he's out here in the living room jamming out to lame 80's synth-rock with me. Everclear is next on the playlist. We're waiting for my mom to show up. My grandpa's Verizon phone isn't working and she wants me to troubleshoot it.
I think Luke likes Steve Winwood. Maybe Steve Winwood will be cool when Luke gets older.
I've been looking at homes to rent. Lindsey and I really want to purchase a house. We're not sure if we're there yet though. We need to save more. We're thinking maybe of downgrading for a while until we have a good solid savings. At least that's what I think we're going to do. We need to talk more about it.
Truth is I love Lindsey and I want her to be happy where she is. I know it sucks to move every year too. We'll see what happens though. I know God has a plan for us. I'm thinking about starting my Masters program too. Verizon is going to pay for it, so why not? I'm at least going to test the waters. The semester starts in October. I'll take one class and see how I like it.
All for now. Hope you're having a wonderful week. Head out to the mountains. Enjoy the wonderful New Mexico forest. You won't be sorry. Maybe download some Steve Winwood and thow it in your mp3 player. On second thought, don't do that. Just breath in the fresh air.
Enjoy this photo I took of the forest in New Mexico.
Other things on my mind; I love this EP of cover songs from Relient K. I also love Higher Love by Steve Winwood. What a lame song. I don't know why I love it. I watching our boy roll around in his crib. I'm in the living room and I have a Tango call streaming video from his litte crib. I can't see him any more. He's now covered in blankets. I'm going to check on him. Haha! He covered the camera with his little blanket. Now he's out here in the living room jamming out to lame 80's synth-rock with me. Everclear is next on the playlist. We're waiting for my mom to show up. My grandpa's Verizon phone isn't working and she wants me to troubleshoot it.
I think Luke likes Steve Winwood. Maybe Steve Winwood will be cool when Luke gets older.
I've been looking at homes to rent. Lindsey and I really want to purchase a house. We're not sure if we're there yet though. We need to save more. We're thinking maybe of downgrading for a while until we have a good solid savings. At least that's what I think we're going to do. We need to talk more about it.
Truth is I love Lindsey and I want her to be happy where she is. I know it sucks to move every year too. We'll see what happens though. I know God has a plan for us. I'm thinking about starting my Masters program too. Verizon is going to pay for it, so why not? I'm at least going to test the waters. The semester starts in October. I'll take one class and see how I like it.
All for now. Hope you're having a wonderful week. Head out to the mountains. Enjoy the wonderful New Mexico forest. You won't be sorry. Maybe download some Steve Winwood and thow it in your mp3 player. On second thought, don't do that. Just breath in the fresh air.
Enjoy this photo I took of the forest in New Mexico.
07 August 2012
01 August 2012
mewithoutYou
This song got me hooked 10 years ago in my apartment on Montgomery Blvd. Love mewithoutYou! I can't wait to see them rock the Launchpad later tonight!
Let us die, Let us die
Then dying we reply,
oh dont you tell us
about your suffering,
now look in our eyes-
look in our eyes.
Let us be, Let us be
Our closeness is such that
where ever she rests her head
in the softness underneath,
She'll feel me and you'll
feel me
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
J'ai change cent fois de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
Je n'ai pas d'espoir.
When you laugh you'll feel
my breath there filling up
your lungs. And when you cry
those arent your tears but Im
there falling down your cheek.
And when you say you love him
taste me, Im like poison on
your tongue. But when your
tired, if you're quiet,
hear me, singing you to sleep.
Let us die, Let us die
Then dying we reply,
oh dont you tell us
about your suffering,
now look in our eyes-
look in our eyes.
Let us be, Let us be
Our closeness is such that
where ever she rests her head
in the softness underneath,
She'll feel me and you'll
feel me
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
J'ai change cent fois de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
Je n'ai pas d'espoir.
When you laugh you'll feel
my breath there filling up
your lungs. And when you cry
those arent your tears but Im
there falling down your cheek.
And when you say you love him
taste me, Im like poison on
your tongue. But when your
tired, if you're quiet,
hear me, singing you to sleep.
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