Justice

Can I just apologize now? Lindsey tells me that when I write about what’s on my mind it’s kinda depressing. I’ll admit, it is. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m just down in the dumps all the time. I think I’m going through a crisis. To believe what I believe means that every decision I make is affected by my faith. If this whole Christianity thing is a crock of shit, then why believe it? Well, I don’t think it’s a crock of shit. I think Jesus was here. I think Jesus is still here. And I love Jesus. I think what’s happening is that I just want to know more about what I believe and I want to throw out what my culture says I’m supposed to be and, as best I can, develop a believe that’s genuine and means something to me. I want to keep my eyes open, and I will accept things that I agree with and I’ll reject those I don’t. I still want to be careful, though. I don’t want to wander too far from what Jesus set for us as an example.

Speaking of...someone who’s wandered. I’m reading Rob Bell’s Love Wins. I’m about halfway through, reading about what Bell thinks about Hell. There are some nice thoughts, and I think he has some great points. Not just on Hell, Heaven and judgment, but on a lot of things Christians consider “decided” subjects. Bell might be a wacko in the Christian community, but maybe we should consider what he has to say instead of just dismissing him. I’m not saying that I’m accepting every word he says, but I’ll consider them. Christian culture has formed how I believe up until now, and I think it’s good to challenge what it is that you think.

Anyway, I’m reading my Bible today and drinking a delicious Canteen Stout (formally Il Vaccino). It’s delicious beer and some good reading. Today, I’m reading Jeremiah 5. Here we see God’s thought process when considering justice toward his people, the Israelites. Now, I’m still trying to figure out how this was recorded. Did Jeremiah talk to God in person, just like we talk to each other? Did he have dreams? Was he under the influence of hallucinogenic mushrooms? Did he find some gold plates buried in North America? Did he seclude himself in a cave and hear from God there? I might have missed it if it was explained, but God is talking in the text.

Justice. He’s talking about how the Israelites are just terrible people, doing all sorts of bad things. In verses 28 and 29 it says, “They know no bounds of evil”, “they do not defend the rights of the needy”, “shall I not punish them for these things?” So, a couple of things, “they know no bounds of evil”. That’s intense. As humans, I think we’re all born with an internal moral compass. I think that if I were to grow up as a wolf man, secluded, and managed to keep my sanity, that I would know a general difference between evil and good. These people got to a point where to “knew no bounds”, everything was permitted. I could imagine what this was. Were they like the Mayans, sacrificing kids? Did they steal from each other? Did they kill? There’s probably an archaeologist that knows the answer to those questions. But I’m guessing that there was some evil crap happening. The verse continues saying “they do not defend the rights of the needy”. So, that’s important. And consistent with what God incarnate, Jesus, taught. Defend the rights of the needy. These people didn't do that. So God asks, shouldn't I punish these evil people?

I think the Old Testament God is often looked as a much different God as the New Testament God. He might be. I haven’t read enough of the Bible to tell the difference. I see here consistencies. I see a group of people that have run amok. I see a God who will deal with them, and he’s using Jeremiah to at least warn these fools, and point them back to God. But, God loves Justice, and will correct his people. I don’t think that punishment is bad. The scales need to be balanced many times.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that. There might be more lessons here, but I’m going to finish my dang book. I also have a delicious stout to finish.

Whore Church. A Church for Whores.

Today, I read Jeremiah chapter 4. It kinda went in one ear and out the other. My reading comprehension is already just average at best, and this chapter was something that theologians probably spend hours dissecting. So, I'm not even going to try. It's a prophecy from Jeremiah, I think. It's talking about a lot of destruction and honestly, I don't know what it means. I'm also very tired... so there's that.

I'm trying to read the Bible every day, I'm trying to make sense of my faith. I've been listening to Unbelievable?, a podcast that explores all sorts of questions Christians should ask. (Thanks to Gio and Miranda for recommending the podcast.) I've also been listening to The Bad Christian Podcast--a podcast with guys from a band (Emery) that I've liked for years, and they talk in more of a hang-out conversation setting, and not as much of an academic or intellectual setting like Unbelievable. I like both podcast, because they talk about the stuff in Christianity that Christians don't want to talk about. Gay marriage, the Bible's validity, evolution and so on.

I've began to attend a mega church. My buddy Jon invited us, and we've been going since October or September. The teaching is good. It's Bible based. I don't feel that the church is judgmental and I feel that the church is about Jesus. We just started a community group, so I'm trying to get a feel of what the actual people that attend are like. I'm searching. I want Christianity, but I don't know what Christianity is for me. All my life I've been told what a Christian is. I don't like that Christian. But I do like Christ.

The other day, I was listening to the Bad Christian Podcast and they were talking with Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz. He was talking about how he doesn't go to church at all, and that he doesn't feel like our idea of church is something that fits in his life. But, he still says he's a Christian and that he loves Jesus. Church and community to Donald Miller is something completely different than what I think church is. Church is a pastor greeting, announcements, three or four worship songs, tithes and offerings, a message from a pastor (that better not encroach on my damn lunch), and an alter call if the message was heavy, or just a closing prayer or closing song. We'll maybe "fellowship" for a minute or two, but I'm freaking hungry, and I don't want to hang around very long. I want to get on with my damn Sunday.

Honestly, it's not something I've ever thought about...church. What is it? I think it should be different. I think America has whored out church. I go to a mega church, and I feel warm and fuzzy most of the time when I walk out of those doors. I like the music, it's nice. I've only been to one community group meeting, but it was okay. The people were nice, we talked a bit about God.

Why can't church be a bicycle group that goes for a ride, then ends the ride at La Cumbre where we talk about Christ while enjoying a delicious IPA? Or a hiking club that worships God on top of a mountain. Or whatever. Why does church have to fit in our American idea of what church is? Well, I think the answer is that it doesn't. I think Donald Miller is on to something here.

I don't think I'll ever get there, though. What would my family do without church? Would I just wake up on Sunday (or any day) and make breakfast and love my wife and sons while talking about God? Do we have to worship with music? I do like worshiping with music, but most of the time it's by myself. I don't like the whole crowd involvement during worship. I don't clap, I don't sing, I just watch. And I feel guilty about that, because if you were to see me at an MxPx show, I would be moshing and drinking and singing at the top of my lungs. But I don't do that at church.

A Bunch of Whores

Jeremiah 3

God’s talking a lot in this chapter. He talks about how his people are whoring themselves around, worshiping wood and stone, other gods. God is showing his displeasure, and he even talked about how “the showers have been withheld, and the spring rain has not come”. I’m guessing this is direct punishment for his people whoring themselves around, not devoting themselves to God.

The chapter goes on, and God expresses his desire to reunite with those people. There is a parallel to a husband and a wife. In the beginning of the chapter he asks the question of if a man divorces his wife and then becomes another man’s wife, would that man return to his wife after she’s been "polluted". That would be difficult to me, if Lindsey and I divorced, and then she married another man and had sex with that man, would I be able to go back to her? I can say a definite “no”. I would not want her back. It’s really sad...but inside, my feelings, I couldn't take her back. It’s incredibly shallow on my side, but that would just be too difficult for me to handle. Here, God talks about that situation, and that he’s angry about Israel whoring itself up with other gods and idols and not worshiping Him. But then he talks about how he wants Israel to return to him. He says he will not look on them in anger. He only asks that they acknowledge their guilt and he will take them back.

This can be applied to our lives today. God is not our number one. Especially in America where there are so many distractions. God is not my number one. It would be difficult to tell exactly what my number one is--what I worship. But, I know it’s not God. If God is the same today as he is here, and that’s what Christians believe, then God still wants us. We’re whoring ourselves up now, and it hurts him just like it would hurt me if Lindsey was involved romantically with another person. The difference is that God wants us back…

This is hard for me to understand. God is the ultimate being. He is God. He has all the power in the universe imaginable, then he has even more power than that. God is God. Why then, does he require our companionship? God doesn't need me? Does he? According to this, he greatly desires our company. Well, the scripture talks about Israel. I’m not sure if this applies to all humans, but I’m assuming it does. I've heard in church that we are created in God’s image. I don’t know where it says that in the Bible, but I have the internet and I’m going to look it up. ...Okay, Genesis 1:27. So, we can sort of get an idea of who God is by examining ourselves. We need relationship. I need my wife, I’ll just say it. I need to know she loves me. I need her to know that I love her back. I need her support in life. I need her. Before I knew I needed Lindsey, I knew that I needed a woman to spend my life with. I knew I needed that. God takes a wife too, it’s us.

Beautifully Terrifying

Jeremiah 1

Today, I decided to read Jeremiah. I’ve been in church all my life and I don’t think I’ve read any of the old testament prophets. I really don’t think any Christians read their Bible, at least most of them don’t. I’m pretty sure they get their Bible from a preacher, which is really sad. We’re in the dark ages before the printing press. Christians may as well be illiterate and the printing press should have never been invented. It wouldn’t matter anyway, we get our verses on a Sunday morning from a pastor of a church. I’m one of those Christians. I’ve tried to read my Bible, but movies are so much more fun. Drinking to get drunk is so much more fun. I can think of a ton of things that are so much more fun than reading an ancient text.

I’m realizing that things worth anything in this life require some sort of sacrifice. I’m a dad, that takes huge sacrifice. I’m a husband, that takes huge sacrifice. I don’t want to be fat anymore, that takes sacrifice. I want knowledge, that takes sacrifice. The sacrifice for knowledge is forgoing the history and space shows on Netflix and picking up my Bible. I claim to be a Christian, so I should probably read my holy text.

Anyway, Jeremiah. The chapter starts out exciting. Right away, I picture a vision Jeremiah is having where he’s in a direct conversation with God. Jeremiah is young and afraid. God tells him not to worry. God assures him that He’s had this plan for him all along, even before he was born, God knew what his plan for Jeremiah was. God tells him not to worry, because He will “deliver” Jeremiah.

God also spoke to Jeremiah in symbolism. He shows Jeremiah a few things; an almond branch and a pot of boiling water pointing away from north. The almond branch, I guess, confirms that God will keep His word. The boiling pot facing away from the north was the kingdoms to the north that were going to come to Jerusalem. God is judging those kingdoms for worshiping other gods and for worshiping the work of their own hands. (Umm….America?) And God told Jeremiah to be ready to work. God told Jeremiah that He’ll give him the words to say and that He’ll make Jeremiah strong and they the kingdoms from the north will fight, but not prevail. God assures Jeremiah again that, “I am with you”, “to deliver you”.

Application of this is easy for me. God doesn’t come to me in visions. God doesn’t speak to me audibly, even in a dream. He did to Jeremiah, but not to me. I’m almost glad He doesn’t, because I would be scared shitless. God is terrifying. It’s kind of like when you walk up to the edge of the Grand Canyon. It’s beautifully terrifying. I think of God like the Grand Canyon, but like infinitely more beautiful and infinitely more terrifying.

So, this is probably terrifying to Jeremiah. Jeremiah was uncertain. He didn’t know if he was up for the task. I love that God was so reassuring throughout this whole chapter. God told Jeremiah that He would tell him where to go and what to say and that all of this was part of a plan, a purpose.

A Plan

jrn 6

Ruth 4:1-22

Boaz was talking about Ruth being redeemed. I’m trying to understand more the nature of their culture at the time. This land belongs to Naomi. Naomi is selling it maybe because of the famine and she needs to survive. With the purchase, comes possession of Ruth. It sounds like there is a government in place that requires “turns”. I guess when property comes available there are people waiting in line and they can choose to purchase or not to purchase. In this case, the land comes with Ruth and if the land comes with Ruth then whoever purchases it has to marry Ruth and have children.

This almost makes no sense in today’s culture. People are not property and polygamy is gross. It made perfect sense in the culture of that time. And, I can follow the story. Boaz wanted to redeem Ruth. The guy that was going to purchase the land and as a result Ruth decided against the purchase because Boaz reminded him that the purchase came with Ruth, a moabite widow. He would have to marry her and make babies with her and those babies would have to share in the inheritance of his supposed current children. He definitely didn’t want that. Maybe because she was a foreigner, maybe because she was a beggar. I think people probably passed judgement in the same ways we do today.

So, Boaz bought the property and Ruth. Boaz married her and they had a son, Obed, who is the father of Jesse, the father of David And eventually the lineage leads to Jesus.

One thing I’m wondering while I read this is who the author is. In this portion of scripture it mentions that David is the king, so whoever wrote this book had to know that. So, it was written at least three generations after Ruth. I wonder who was “reporting” all of these events. I wonder who were the journalists of the time. It sounds weird, but in verse 13, “So boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the Lord gave her conception, and she bore a son.” That’s some graphic stuff there. Was the sex just assumed because they had a baby, or was there someone there reporting all this. Not just this verse, but all of it. I imagine a bystander watching the purchase of the field. Did the author interview Naomi, Ruth and Boaz? The book was written a long time after the events. How much of this is accurate to the event? It’s funny because I’ve been brought up in church and I was taught to never ask questions like these. I feel kind of guilty asking questions about the validity of scripture, even just wondering beyond what is said in the verses.

I think it’s good to wonder what’s going on here, or in any verse in the Bible. I think that the Bible is here for us to dissect, to study and to form our ideas based on what’s written. I’m off topic, though. Back to this reading. I’m just explaining what was going through my head as I read these verses.

How can this be applied to our lives? Well, as we heard on Sunday’s service at Sagebrush, it’s about God’s plan. If we examine chapter 1-4, we see a woman that should have been broken in pieces. I mean, she probably still was, but she pushed on. She had the opportunity to run when she found out that her husband died. But, she stayed. She worked hard in the fields, then she met with Boaz. Was she happy when she was with Boaz? I assume so. She seems to have had a choice all along to leave. I know Naomi directed her to do things, to go sleep at Boaz’s feet while he was drunk and sleeping, and Boaz liked her. He liked her work ethic. And I guess he thought she was pretty because he worked to have her, too.

And the end of the story it reminded the reader that the son Boaz and Ruth had was a descendant of David, and we know that David is in the lineage of Jesus. So, Jesus was born of a virgin, and I think that Joseph was in the lineage of David, so I don’t quite understand how that’s important. I guess Joseph was a big part of Jesus being that he was his adoptive father. I don’t know much about Joseph’s actual relationship with Jesus… That’s another thought, and I’ll stop here. .

Work Hard

ggww jrn 5 wk 1

Ruth 3:1-18

This is a weird part of scripture. So Ruth goes to the place where they’re collecting wheat (I guess). She’s told by Naomi to do all this. And she puts her cloak down on the threshing floor. I guess Boaz is eating and drinking while all of this is happening. I’m guessing that Boaz is drinking alcohol and his “heart was merry”. I know my heart gets merry when I’m drinking, so I think this was the case for him. But, after he’s had enough, Boaz lays (lies?) down and goes to sleep. Ruth sleeps at his feet, and in the middle of the night, Boaz wakes up and he’s like “what the hell?”, “who’s there?”. I’m paraphrasing, but he was startled at Ruth just sleeping at his feet like a creep. When he wakes up, they talk and Boaz rewards her for her faithfulness and gives her a bunch of wheat, which is implied can be sold…

This is a weird story again, at least for me, an American living in the United States in 2015. I guess it might not have been so weird in ancient Israel. I think the point of this is that Ruth is faithful. She works hard. She wants to help Naomi. Her heart is right and she is diligent. I think a lot of times I will get lazy and just want to coast by in life. I know that anything worth having in this life has to be worked for.

The other day, I bought a lottery ticket because the jackpot was half a muther freaking billion dollars. What would happen if I would have won that jackpot? Well, I didn’t work for that money. I mean, I guess I worked for the $2 that purchased the ticket, but I didn’t work for that half a muther freaking billion. What I’m saying is that money would have been worthless to me… I mean, that’s a gripton of money… Back to Ruth. She is showing her work ethic. I don’t know if she was going to sleep with Boaz, again, I don’t know the culture of the time. But she is definitely displaying her character by caring for Naomi.

Forget you read that last paragraph.

Today, we love a deal. We love to save. Free crap is good crap, it doesn’t matter what the hell it is. I think that something of value has to be worked for. I’m not just talking about things either. I’m talking about relationships. I’m talking about the valuable things in our life. I might be missing the point here, but that’s how I read this. I have to work on the relationship with my wife because it’s valuable. I have to work on the relationship with my son, because it’s valuable. etcetera. I want a bomb ass Chromebook 2, I’ll have to work to get that G. Anyway, I’m out. This was Bible studying with Zohan. Peace.

Journal 3, Week 1

ggww jrn 3 wk 1

Ruth 2:1-16

What I see here is a woman who sees a need and is willing to work for it. As humans, we don’t like to make sacrifices. I sure don’t. But Ruth was willing to go to Boaz’ field and basically pick up the scrap wheat. I guess they would be able to then grind up this wheat and make flour for bread or cakes. Not sure, but they would have food basically. So she humbled herself and basically begged for food. She was then noticed by Boaz as a hard worker and he fed her and showed her favor as she continued to glean in the fields.

There are a few things that I see in this section of scripture. One is that she was a beggar. She found herself in a situation that was less than fortunate. I don’t know what the culture was like back then, but I think it probably wasn't much different than today. We see beggars today and assume they are all just lazy. Ruth wasn't lazy, she worked really hard for what she had. Beggars today might be working just as hard, and it definitely doesn't feel good to beg. You take a position of the lowest person in our culture. I’m sure that doesn't feel very good. Some people will show compassion like Boaz did, but most people will look down on them and judge them and wish they weren't there. I hear people brag about cities with harsh weather that they don’t have a homeless “problem” because many of the homeless will die from being exposed to the hot or cold weather.

I think there are two lessons from these verses; one is that we should work hard for those that we care for, even when we don’t like our job, or don’t like our situation. Work as hard as you can. The second is that if we see those working hard and notice that they are in a situation that isn't so great that we should show compassion like Boaz did.

Why, God?

I have asked this question before and it still baffles me. If God exists, then why (insert problem). Here's what I know-- God has infinite power. God knows everything. God loves. Knowing these things make me wonder. Why does God allow children to suffer? I'm a Christian, am I allowed to ask this question? Is God upset with me when I question His nature? Does God just want me to accept the things I see around me? Like pastors in America say, "God said it, that settles it". That was shortened from "God said it, I believe it, that settles it".

But it doesn't feel settled to me. Maybe I don't have enough faith. Well, not maybe. I don't. I don't have enough faith.

There has been a lot of bad news coming out of Albuquerque. Cops are being shot in meth busts, there were three separate shootings yesterday, a ten year old was involved in a hit and run, and a three year old shot his pregnant mom and dad accidentally with his two year old sister in the room, and we're still talking about the cops that killed a schizophrenic homeless man in cold blood in the Sandia Foothills.

All of these stories suck. The stories I especially hate to read are the ones involving kids. A three year old accidentally pulled out his mom's gun and shot her. What if he would have killed his mom? He would have had to grow up without a mother. Why is he even in this situation in the first place? This family was in a motel... not a home. Were they homeless? Why does God allow kids to be born into homelessness? Why does God allow kids to suffer? God loves kids. It says in the Bible he does. Why then?

All of these stories have guns involved. That's another question I have. Why did God allow guns to be invented. I think guns are the most devastating single invention in human history. Think about what life would be like if we didn't know what a gun was. I do think that it would be different, but humans are full of sin and would think of other ways to hurt each other. If we didn't invent the gun, then we would have invented something else to hurt each other.

I wonder if the beauty on earth balances out the evil. There were three shootings and a roll over accident in Albuquerque last nigh, all evil. Lives were lost. Families are mourning today. But look at the Sandias. The mountains are a way for God to show himself to us. They are beautiful. Look at our children, they're curious, and innocent. They bring us joy. I'm sure there are people today that are showing kindness that's not being reported. Is the beauty balancing out the evil? Why does God allow evil?