Things That Are Real

Have you ever tried Rio Grande Coffee? It's pretty good. We bought some type of chocolate flavored whole bean. It smells so good! It's hard to be frugal when you buy coffee. Sometimes, I'll buy the $2.39 can of Krogger coffee. I regret it every time. I almost never use cream or flavoring, but when I buy that coffee and any other type of cheap coffee, I have to doctor it. Coffee does make me happy though. It's one of those things that bring me comfort in life. It helps me prepare for my day. It stimulates all of my senses. It's pretty darn cool.

Today is a good day. Today has the potential to be strange... I don't want it to be strange. Life is so freaking weird to me sometimes. I'm in a dream, it feels. We have some things that are real; love, music, forests...ha ha! Forests. Forests are real to me. The everyday routine is a dream, though. I spend most of my daily life at a job. I don't spend it with my wife. I won't spend it with my kid. I spend it at a job. I am so grateful that I have a job. But, I would love to spend every day of my life with my wonderful wife. She makes me feel like I'm not in a so-so dream.

I'm going to drink the rest of my coffee. I'm going to eat my oatmeal and grapefruit. I'm going to thank God for my wife. I think I'll let her know that today. 

New Mexico's a Dream

It's Thursday evening. I'm wearing my Isotopes cap and it's squeezing my head. I think my head is getting fatter. 

That first sentence doesn't mean anything. Today was just a day, a really strange day. We drove to Magdelena, NM just because we wanted to get out of town. We also had a free meal coupon for Village Inn in  Los Lunas.  Los Lunas was on the way to Magdelena.  

We traveled through a few different New Mexico towns today.  We saw Albuquerque, Los Lunas, Belen, Socorro, and Magdelena. I thought about how beautiful New Mexico is but how ugly New Mexicans make it. The desert has it's own type of beauty. But we pollute it with garbage. Bad buildings, garbage and broken-down cars are everywhere. 

Magdelena was a strange town. There were a few really old buildings. They looked like they might have been built in the 1900s or 1910s. The buildings were in really bad shape. People have really forgotten about this village. There was a post office, a library, a couple of galleries, not much more. There was also a mountain chain to the south and desert all to the north. 

I'm so sad that New Mexico isn't respected by its residents. Think of all the states that have people that respect their surroundings. I can think of Oregon, Washington, Texas, Colorado, Utah, California. In New Mexico, so often I'll see people just throw their garbage out of the window and onto the street. How disrespectful! Why does it seem like New Mexicans just don't care about our state. We could do so much more to show respect to our diverse surroundings. We could get outside more often. We could enjoy more of the natural beauties we're so lucky to have in our reach. 

Here are a few of the pictures I took of Magdelena.

I hope to see New Mexico thrive like the other states in the Union. Will anyone ever see the beauty that I see here? There's so much more of this state I want to see, too. I've never even been to White Sands. I want to at least drive by all of the 10,000 ft and above peaks. It would be even better if I could hike up them. There is a 10,000 peak by Magdelena called South Baldy. Maybe I'll hike up to that peak. Maybe I'll even camp there with Luke. 

Today I was thinking about how cool it would be if there was a Space Needle type structure on top of Sandia Peak. What if there was a 1,000 ft tower on top of Sandia Peak? That would be an amazing experience. You would start at the foot of Sandia Peak on Tramway Boulevard. You would take the Tramway up to the top of the mountain, then take an elevator to the top of this tower. I think it would be amazing if there were a pub up there and maybe a coffee shop, too. Not a stupid fancy restaurant that nobody can afford, but something low-key and a place that is fun to hang out. Maybe a performance space. How cool would that be? Oh, I would love to sip on some local New Mexico brew on the top of this tower in July. I would imagine at that altitude that the temperature would only reach the 70s or maybe 80s in July.

My other complaint about New Mexico is all of the money we spend on our cars and trucks. New Mexico is one of the poorest states in the USA and we probably spend the most on chrome rims and paint jobs. Let's think about how much the average New Mexican might spend on a vehicle. A car payment could be $400 per month. Full coverage insurance could be about $150 per month. Spinning chrome rims and low-profile tires could cost $1,500. Let's also consider maintaining and providing fuel for these vehicles. How much would that cost per month? What about all of those red-light-camera tickets that the average New Mexican still has unpaid? What about the cost of the DWI that that New Mexican probably has? Now what if we spent all of that money on a state of the art public transportation system? 

Could you image what that train and bus system would be like? Let's just say that 200,000 New Mexicans put $1,000 into public transportation instead of their stupid car or truck. We would be less stressed because we wouldn't have to worry about traffic. We would be smarter because there's nothing better to do on a bus or train than read, write or listen to good music. We would be safer because the drunk drivers would be off the roads. 

I really hope I get old, and I really hope to see my dreams come true some day.  

I'm So Thirsty!

Just got back from the gym. I'm so thirsty right now. I could chug a gallon of water. I probably couldn't chug an entire gallon of water. Maybe a pint or so. I just wanted to emphasize how thirsty I am. I'm working out for two reasons now; The first reason is that I want to look good for Lindsey, Lord knows, my wit won't keep her around by itself, the second reason is that I want to be healthy to better my chances of sticking around long enough to see Luke grow up.

I'm still praying for a healthy pregnancy. When you're an expecting parent, you watch all types of documentaries, you read all types of articles, and every one scares you to pieces. I've heard that every thing should be fine... For me, it's in God's hands.

I felt thoughtful just 30 minutes ago. I don't so much anymore. It seems like when I'm running on the treadmill that life is just on my mind. I do my best thinking while I run. Right now there's a Pandora commercial... Thinking stalled. I don't even care anymore. All I can think about is chugging that pint of water. I'll keep writing though.

Last night I was discouraged about my faith. I've been more open about my faith lately. I think it's a good thing. Someone's faith isn't something that should be hidden. Someone's faith should be the most important thing in that person's life. I mean it's called a world view for a reason. You see the world through your lens of faith. Is my lens false? Is my lens distorting my view of the world? Well, that's up to me to decide. To me it's truth. Sometimes I will reevaluate my lens. It always makes sense to me though.

Some  people are probably a little surprised at my belief. Some people probably don't care. I do care what other people think. I don't want what people to think about me to influence my actions, sometimes it does. It shouldn't, though. My life is under a constant surveillance. There's Facebook and there's Twitter. I'm not shy on either networks. I'm not sure who's seeing the posts I make. I rarely get responses. Maybe people just think what I'm saying is stupid. Or maybe what I'm saying is just not worth responding to. I'm not sure.

Whatever people think is fine. They have free will to think whatever they would like to think about me. Do they really have a completely free will? Our culture affects our free will. At least it influences the way we think. We have all sorts of media that might affect our free will. We have our peers, who we admire, that affect our nature of thinking. There is a tendency for us as humans to follow the main stream. Most of us are either Republican or Democrat. We either think that the government should take care of the less fortunate, or we think that the less fortunate should contribute to society by getting a job. We think that homosexuals should have the right to marry or we don't. We think that a woman's right should be to abort a fetus or we think it's murder. There's a main stream of thought. Whatever that mainstream tendency is will ultimately win out on any debate we have. It seems like Christianity is not in this main stream.

I could probably write a lot more about my thoughts about Christianity. (I like to call it The Way. I'm reading Acts right now.) Was Jesus real? Was he God? Did he rise from the dead in three days and return to Heaven. How crazy this sounds, but I believe it. I believe it with all my heart. My faith isn't the strongest. I've been a terrible person. I'm going to continue to examine my faith. I'm going to continue to search for God.

God is Real?

I believe in a supreme being that I cannot see. Why? Why have I chosen to have faith? I'll admit, the main reason is because my parents raised me to believe this way. If the path that I follow is the only path that is true, then how is it fair for people who happen to be born in a Mormon home, a Muslim home, an Atheist home? Well, it's not fair at all. How then can I believe that Jesus is the only way to find salvation? Well, the Bible says that is the way it is. Why do I believe the Bible?

These are all really tough questions for a Christian to ask him or herself. In fact, I would guess that most Christians don't even ask these questions. Many Christians find themselves in a protective Christian bubble. I never wanted this "bubble". So I did my own thing. I did what I wanted. I listened to music that didn't suck. (There is a lot of Christian music that just plain sucks.) I went to parties. I drank. I didn't go to Church. I didn't pray. I didn't read my Bible. I knew that I still sort of believed in God. I ignored it though. I lost my innocence. Sometimes I would hear God speak to me. It sounds crazy, and it is a little crazy. I never heard any audible Old Testament style voice of God. I never saw a burning bush. But God would speak to me in other ways. A Relient K song. In the midst of me trying to please myself God said, "I still love you". I was never happy. I never had joy. For a moment I was joyful, when I would take a shot of vodka. Then in the morning it would fade and all I had left was an empty bank account, a huge hangover and a craving for more cigarettes. And I was left empty. I felt empty.

How can this be? I thought, if there is a god, why would he love me? How can God even exist? People all around me think the idea of "god" is a joke. We don't need a god. The universe came into existence on its own. It's all really unlikely, but it happened. And we're the result. We won the cosmic lottery. There was no god that created anything. We started as single cell organisms, then over the process of billions of years we evolved into different creatures until you get humans. That's just common knowledge.

Stephen Hawking has insight on the idea of a god creating the universe. He says that isn't the way it happened. In the episode "The Story of Everything" he touches on the idea of god. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_The_Universe_with_Stephen_Hawking So if he doesn't believe in God, and he's one of the smartest living people on Earth, then why should I believe in God? How can I be so sure?

The fact is that I'm not so sure. I know that God will prove himself to me. I see the joy that God gives me in my beautiful wife. I see the joy God gives me in expecting our first son. I see the joy God gives me in seeing the sun rise every morning. I see the stars and imagine the universe and all the planetary systems. I imagine standing on top of Santa Fe Baldy, or Sandia Peak. I imagine fishing in the Pecos wilderness. I imagine people helping other people in need. I imagine love. The complexity of the human brain. Is the human brain the most complex thing in the universe? It might be.

And why I believe is because I have joy. God brings me joy. I don't feel empty. I fill full of joy! My belief isn't popular. I'm sure people already think less of me just because I'm publishing this blog post. I don't care. What I get in return is far better. I have a community of Christian brothers and sisters who care about me enough to ask me how my week was. That means so much! Just that little amount of effort.

I want to know more. I want to study. God gave me this brain so that I can search and not follow. I'm not just going to be a flimsy Christian. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to know my stuff. If I find something along the way that I think is not right, then I won't be a Christian anymore. The whole Christian story sounds so absurd. But is it so absurd? Did Christ rise from the dead? Well, if he didn't then I have no reason to believe.

Here's a random Coldplay music video. This has some significance in my life, negative significance. But I have the ability to remove the negative significance and replace it with positive significance. This morning I heard on the radio that someone thought of this song as a love song from God to humans. It means so much more if you think about it that way. Sure, our relationships with other humans mean so much to us, but our relationship with God is exponentially greater. He loves us like we love our wives or husbands. The love He has for us is more though. Think of infinity, then think of love. Haha! It sounds dumb, but that's what I do. God has an infinite amount of love for me. And if I find God to be true, then that love is real, and it feels good to know that.

Downtown Walk

Today I took a walk in downtown Albuquerque. Here are some pictures I took. Maybe people will see these 75 years from now and be amazed at how much the city changed.

Rain in the Southwest

It's been raining all morning. I love it! We don't get much rain in Albuquerque. It really is a treat when it rains here. Sometimes, as I lay in bed, I imagine what Albuquerque would be like if the climate were different. I imagine what the Sandia Mountains would look like if it received 100 inches of rain every year. I imagine the mountain completely covered in snow from November to April. Then having the mountain covered in clouds all year getting rain or snow. It would be a rare for me to see the mountain, every so often when the clouds go away. The mountain would be completely green, even though there are lots of rocks. I imagine towering Douglas fur trees. I imagine moisture soaked, cool air. The run off from all of our mountains would make the Rio Grande big enough to rival the Mississippi. We would have giant bridges to let ocean ships cross underneath them. The city I dream Albuquerque to be like might look a lot like Portland, OR.

It's funny, because I've imagined Albuquerque being like this city a few times over the years. Being in the desert isn't so bad. I love being able to see the mountains almost every day. But sometimes I want more variation. I want storms. Snow storms, rain storms. I can do without the wind storms. That's about all we get here in Albuquerque...wind. We get an occasional thunder storm in July and August, and we might get a dusting of snow in January. The cool thing about New Mexico is that the weather isn't uniform for the entire state. The temperature in Santa Fe seems to be 5 - 15 degrees cooler than Albuquerque all the time. Santa Fe seems to get much more snow than we do. I suppose it's our geographical location. We're in a river valley in ABQ against a 10,000 ft mountain. Santa Fe is sitting at 7,000 ft above sea level against a 12,000 mountain chain. Rain here means snow in Santa Fe most of the time.

So, to see some snow, or some thunder storms, I just need to drive one hour north on I-25. Santa Fe isn't Portland, OR. There aren't towering fur trees in every neighborhood. There are mostly shrubby junipers and piñon. But then you drive up to Hyde Park and the Santa Fe ski basin and you'll see some towering pine trees. They aren't as tall as the trees you'll see on the Oregon coast, but they're a respectable size.

Maybe I need to live in Portland. I love that the city has tall buildings. I love that they care about their city there. They want to preserve what they have. It really sucks to say, but Albuquerque citizens don't give a crap about our city. So often, especially on the West Side, I see people just throwing their garbage out of their car window. That pisses me off so much! Care about your city! We all have to live here. Albuquerque has so much potential. It really makes me sad that we aren't living up to that potential.

El Morro National Monument

Today, Lindsey and I went on a mini adventure. We were thinking about going to Magdelena, or El Malpais National Monument. While I was researching El Malpais, I stumbled upon El Morro. El Morro was a great decision. We had such a good time. The weather was perfect (51°f) and the hike wasn't bad at all.
On the cliffs, you could see inscriptions dating all the way back to the late 1600's. I would encourage anyone who is interested to read up on the history.
Here's the link.