11 July 2017


I just googled "why do people choose to live in the desert". I'm trying to find out. I think I'm trying to justify my choice to remain where I am.

Recently, Lindsey and I visited her hometown, Portland, OR. I loved it. Linsey misses it. We were there only for a couple of days, but, it was enough to make us want to be there permanently. The Pacific Northwest seemed to be what we wanted, and everything we thought Albuquerque is not. Courteous drivers, cool weather, towering pines, a crime rate that's not out of control, and a community that cares about public education.

We decided to move. We were set, ready to go. Then we were smacked in the face with a healthy dose of reality. Housing costs. I like to say housing costs is why we didn't move, but it might be a little bit of my fear overtaking me. I don't know. There were a lot of reasons we decided to stay. Point being...we're still here.

Now, I'm googling things like "why do people choose to live in the desert". I'm trying to find the beauty of where I'm at. I've been exposed to a lot of ugly here, and my eyes are focused on that. People think we're crazy for staying. Some do, at least. Some people see the contrast of Albuquerque and some other city, and they move. They get tired and they move. We were almost those people. Almost.

I'm trying to be accepting. I'm trying to make the most of my location. My life. I'm trying to convince myself that Albuquerque is a great place... I've been a New Mexican in denial for a long time. People talk about the crime here a lot. I always stick up for us. My response is always a reminder that there's crime in every city, and Albuquerque isn't that bad. Then, my front door got kicked in in broad daylight and things were stolen. Another time, we got in our car to go to church finding a two liter bottle with a used needle in it. We forgot to lock our door one night and someone found an opportunity to shoot up in privacy.

There are drugs in our neighborhood. There is crime. Every night I feel a little uneasy that my house can be broken into. I think about what I would do if someone climbed into my house via my kids bedroom window. I imagine myself tackling an intruder and hitting them with any object I can find.

I don't like this feeling. I don't feel safe in my city. I felt safe in Portland.

I told Lindsey I feel like I have excitement hangover. Reality is setting in. I'm realizing that I'm here. I'm trying to make the best of it. I truly feel like I must be here for a reason. I have faith. Faith doesn't come naturally for me. I have to work at it.

I'm looking for beauty in our state. I know we have it. I've lived here all my life. There's beauty. I think the path I need to take is balance. I can't just look at the beauty and ignore the ugly. That's probably why we're in the place we are now. I'm a New Mexican in denial, and I'm sure there are more people like me. I think we need to confront the ugly head on. Do something about it. Still, stop and stare at the setting sunlight reflect off the Sandias every once in a while.

03 June 2017

Parenting vs. Podcast

Lindsey and I are recording a podcast! We're calling it "Parenting vs. Podcast".

I created a separate blog url for the podcast.


I also submitted the podcast to iTunes. Hopefully, we'll see the podcast there soon.

Peace...No Peace

Lindsey and I discuss pop music, hate groups, and brains.

31 May 2017

28 May 2017

Kids, Marriage, Oregon

Lindsey and I had a discussion on kids, marriage, and our trip to Oregon.

06 May 2017

24 March 2017

There. I Said It.

“For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness.

But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭2:5, 7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

As I read this, I think of a couple of things. I think of Christians who actually did suffer to be Christians, and who are still suffering today. I wonder how strong my faith would be under pressure. I think my faith is under some sort of pressure. Nothing like the early church, or what it's like in non Christian countries. I'm not persecuted. I might be thought if as a bigot, or ignorant among some of my peers. But I also have people among my demographic that are outspoken. Academics like the Liturgists. Former screamo guys on BC Pod. 

So, I'm not persecuted. 

It's also easy for me to criticize the church while reading this. I think of mega churches. Is it up to me to criticize? I've got my own problems. I can choose not to attend a mega church... 

It does make me feel uneasy. The way these churches operate. Thousands attend each Sunday. They pull in tons of money. I have no idea how much money is received. I don't remember Calvary publishing weekly giving amounts. Sagebrush did, I think. If I remember correctly, it was close to $1,000,000. I would venture to guess that Calvary receives more, because I would assume they have a larger congregation.  I may be wrong though.

What does money have to do with things? What I read says that they didn't come with words of flattery. What motivates someone to flatter? Either they respect the other persons position of authority, or they're selling something. They said they didn't come with a pretext for greed. 

I might be bitter. But I could never imagine Skip calling out his congregation. Like really calling them out. I couldn't imagine Skip putting out a message that would potentially repel a long time tither...a customer. I feel like megachurches, including Calvary look at Christians as customers. They feed them with nice things. A nice building. A comfortable environment. A feel good story. An entertaining worship service. 

People walk away feeling good, but not really challenged in any way. 

People give their 10%--pay their dues. Trust the church will do something nice with it, then go on their way. This was me at one point. Maybe even today. 

Is it okay for these guys to profit. To have giant salaries. They started the church. People attended. What's the difference between a mega church pastor that started a church plant and a small business owner who found success? 

Churches don't pay taxes. That's one. I think the mission of the church is to love in their community. When money is the mission, it's lost. When a church goer is a customer, and not a fellow follower of Christ, I think the mission is lost. 

So, here you have it. 

Mothers nursing. Talking to Lindsey, she's told me it's a very special experience nursing. I remember three instances that were very special. The first time she nursed each of our three kids. Her face was pure joy and happiness. A face full of love. 


I just googled "why do people choose to live in the desert". I'm trying to find out. I think I'm trying to justify my choi...