I haven't decided if I'm going to post this on my blog yet. What I write now may just stay here--in my journal. It depends on if I think what I write is worth posting, if what I write is too personal, whatever... What's on my mind? Well, the first thing that comes to mind is Ecclesiastes. Our church is teaching on Ecclesiastes. So far, we've covered chapters 1 - 4. It's been a refreshing lesson. Refreshing because Ecclesiastes is much different than the rest of the Bible. It's...honest. By that, I mean it's not sugar coated. I like that the author basically says that you could follow all the rules and do what you're supposed to do but bad things can still happen to you. All is vanity. The author also talks about our earthly gain, running the race, trying to get ahead. When we're done, we don't take any of it with us. So, it's a good read, and the teaching has been great.
It applies to what's been going on in my life. I failed at teaching. Yeah, I did. I failed. It was hard to admit it, but I did. There are some things that contributed to my failure. I think it starts with my pride. --I'm in the living room right now and there're distractions. I'm going to go to my office where it's quiet.-- So, my pride. Before teaching, I worked at Verizon Wireless as a call center representative. When people asked me where I worked, I would try to fluff up my call center position as much as I could. I would say things like, "I work in global support", or "advanced tech support", or "I'm an advanced tech support coordinator. I assist people with tech problems when they travel internationally." I would never say anything about working in a call center. Why? Because I thought I was better than that. I went to college, I earned my degree, and people with a BA in Economics don't work in a call center. At least that was what I thought. My pride overtook me. What's funny is that I always considered myself a humble person. I think I've said this before, but when you think that you're not a prideful person, that very moment you're full of pride. So, yeah. I was too good for working in a call center. I saw people advance their careers in that call center. Every time, I thought I was so much better than those people. I thought I deserved those jobs more than the people that were getting them. Yet, I didn't advance. I wondered why. I thought, "WTF?!" And as a Christian, I wondered why God wasn't blessing me. I wondered why I was going forward without a purpose.
Then teaching came to my mind. I thought I would get out of the call center. I would work on becoming a teacher, because I would feel that I have a purpose. Teaching would allow me to tell someone who asked what I did, and I would feel proud of it. I'm a public servant. I work hard and I don't get paid much. They would admire me for that. Those are all thoughts that came to me. Maybe people did think that about me... But, I had no idea. Teachers don't get paid, and they work supper hard. I didn't expect the pay to be as low as it was, and I didn't expect the work to be as hard as it was. It was humbling. I was humbled. My pride was sucked out of me.
So, now, I have to look somewhere else to survive. Teaching can't sustain my family. I have to look back at the call center. Here I am, back where I left off at Verizon. But, it's T-Mobile now. They were kind enough to start me where I left off at Verizon, which is more than what I make as a teacher... humbled. But now I'm motivated. I want to enjoy my toil under the sun, as Ecclesiastes puts it. I'm not in this life to run the race in the corporate world, it's unsatisfiable. Just like the wind...
So, there's that...
I'm also taking classes toward my MBA. Funny thing. My school signed me up for a class that doesn't apply to my degree program. So, here I am, four weeks in, working on a class that doesn't count. I'm going to call them on Monday to see if they can refund me and to see if I could drop the class. Sucks, because this is time I can't get back. I should be using this time to progress my degree. Funny. I was just talking about how I don't want to run the corporate race and now I'm talking about my MBA. I guess I'm a hypocrite too. That's okay.
Another thing that's on my mind is my diet. So, I struggle with my weight. I mean, I don't think I'm unhealthy or anything. In fact, my last doctor appointment said that I wasn't. I'm just not at a weight that I'm comfortable with. Being a parent and a husband, it's hard to find time to exercise. Hard, but not impossible. I need the will power. I'm working on it. I'm also starting a low carb diet. I got the idea from hearing the guys on The Bad Christian Podcast talking about it. Today I've had like 9 grams of carbs and a lot more protein. I don't know if this will help me...we'll see. What I do know, is that I love carbs more than I thought. I want my craft beer and I want my tortillas. I'm willing to give those up if I can get to a weight I'm comfortable with.