27 March 2014

Wonder

What's important in life? Why are we here? Seems like a common theme in this blog of mine. I'm always asking myself where my purpose is. It's difficult to see that there is any purpose. I know I do have purpose. I'm a dad to Luke and a husband to Lindsey. Those are two huge jobs, and jobs that I am incredibly grateful to have. Still, life can get monotonous. I feel selfish when I say "I want excitement. I want adventure". Is it, though? I don't think it is. I want purpose. I want more purpose. Lindsey and Luke are good enough. I want more. I don't know where this feeling is coming from. I'm not saying that my wife and son aren't enough to satisfy my need to love. No, they definitely do. What I need, I guess, is knowledge. I need knowledge of my meaning on Earth. Am I here just to be a dad and husband? Then I want to know how I can be a better father and a better husband.

Am I here because a random coming together of energy and matter?

Did God know my name the moment the Universe expanded from a single point?

I think it's really cool that the wonder of the Universe has been shoved into the mainstream by Neil deGrasse Tyson's Cosmos. Just your regular Joe and Jane are now watching this show that is encouraging thought. Hardcore fundamentalists from every edge of thought and everyone in between are talking. The Universe is full of wonder. We should pay more attention to it.

How freaking cool is it that there may be at least one other dwarf planet and possibly another planet that's several times larger than Earth that we didn't even know about? The Universe holds so many mysteries. Our little spek on the map of the Universe is so tiny...we're still trying to understand the things that are right in front of us. Think about how vast the Universe is. In our own Solar System there might be other planets we're just finding now.

So, I'm blown away. I'm also sad.

I'm sad because I've fallen into monotony. Go to work. Pay the bills. Have a short weekend. Do it again. I want out of this cycle. I want to worship the God who sparked this Universe into existence. I want to know more about God. I want to quit caring what others think about my crazy thoughts about God. My mind drifts to denial. I think about the friends who I used to hang out with. They don't believe in God. Well, if they do they haven't told me. And I didn't ask. It was okay that way.

I want to ask the serious questions. I want to think rationally. I think that religion and rational thought can go hand in hand. God isn't far fetched. To think there is no God I think is more far fetched now. I try to learn more about the Universe we're in and this blue planet we're drifting on. The more I try to learn, the more God proves himself to me.

I think Christians are crazy. I don't want to be one of those crazy Christians who takes the Bible and makes it mean what I want it to mean. I don't want to use the Bible and a weapon against other humans. There's a lot of stuff in the Bible. A lot of it I don't understand. I read the Bible, and I'm learning more and more. I'm no theologian though.

I think I'm done for tonight. I'll try to break out of the monotony I've fallen into. I'll work on appreciating my life more. I'll work on being a better father, a better husband, a better son.
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