20 May 2014

Southbound Highway

Writing on a mobile device is fun! Well, I was being sarcastic just then. I'd much rather type on an actual keyboard. I'm a lazy american, so I won't get up. Plus, I've got things on my mind now. Pretty cool that I have a mobile device though. Ten years ago I couldn't imagine carrying the internet in my pocket. And yet I do worthless things like play Royal Revolt 2...

Story of my life so far. I have the world at my fingertips and I waste it. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Just making an observation. I've made some mistakes. I just hope I've learned from those mistakes and change my behavior. I think I'm ready to be a "go getter". Ha ha! " Think. My life has been uncertain up to this point. I've never had a set plan. Because of my attitude in life I don't have a career. I'm a tech support agent in a call center... People I talk to are frustrated with technology. They unload that frustration on me. I didn't go to school for this. I thought I deserved better. I think that's where I went wrong. I thought I deserved something and I didn't work for it.

So here I am. A 30 year old with no career. It sucks. I'm changing things. I have a plan now. I'm going to teach. I've always wanted to teach. I've got to go back to school for a bit. It'll be worth it.

I'm keeling my chin up. It's hard sometimes. I feel like I'm being thrashed down a rapid mountain river, gasping for air sometimes. My family is my everything now. I look for strength in God.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who's crying out. Americans are so secretive. Don't talk about your religion. Don't express your worries. Keep your politics to yourself. We need to express ourselves! We need company to talk to. Talk about our worries. That's one of the worst things about my job; I have people sitting all around me but I hardly get to spend five minutes talking to any of them. It's all about productivity...guess that's the point. I just miss friendship. I don't have anyone I can call and just hang out with. Seems like the friends I have are drifting away. I try to reach out... I feel like a huge nerd. Not the "cool" nerd. I feel like the nerd that no one wants to sit by in the lunch room. It doesn't feel nice.

So where's my God? Does He bring me rest? Yes. He brings me peace. I'm done wrestling with my faith. I don't care what people think of me. I'm not lukewarm. I've got life in front of me. I'll meet new friends. I'll meet friends who have time for me. Friends who I can confide in. I'm not forgetting about two of my best friends either. One is laying right next to me...she's super hot too. The other's laying in the next room probably dreaming about animals, airplanes, and choo choos. So, I'm blessed.

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