I believe in a supreme being that I cannot see. Why? Why have I chosen to have faith? I'll admit, the main reason is because my parents raised me to believe this way. If the path that I follow is the only path that is true, then how is it fair for people who happen to be born in a Mormon home, a Muslim home, an Atheist home? Well, it's not fair at all. How then can I believe that Jesus is the only way to find salvation? Well, the Bible says that is the way it is. Why do I believe the Bible?
These are all really tough questions for a Christian to ask him or herself. In fact, I would guess that most Christians don't even ask these questions. Many Christians find themselves in a protective Christian bubble. I never wanted this "bubble". So I did my own thing. I did what I wanted. I listened to music that didn't suck. (There is a lot of Christian music that just plain sucks.) I went to parties. I drank. I didn't go to Church. I didn't pray. I didn't read my Bible. I knew that I still sort of believed in God. I ignored it though. I lost my innocence. Sometimes I would hear God speak to me. It sounds crazy, and it is a little crazy. I never heard any audible Old Testament style voice of God. I never saw a burning bush. But God would speak to me in other ways. A Relient K song. In the midst of me trying to please myself God said, "I still love you". I was never happy. I never had joy. For a moment I was joyful, when I would take a shot of vodka. Then in the morning it would fade and all I had left was an empty bank account, a huge hangover and a craving for more cigarettes. And I was left empty. I felt empty.
How can this be? I thought, if there is a god, why would he love me? How can God even exist? People all around me think the idea of "god" is a joke. We don't need a god. The universe came into existence on its own. It's all really unlikely, but it happened. And we're the result. We won the cosmic lottery. There was no god that created anything. We started as single cell organisms, then over the process of billions of years we evolved into different creatures until you get humans. That's just common knowledge.
Stephen Hawking has insight on the idea of a god creating the universe. He says that isn't the way it happened. In the episode "The Story of Everything" he touches on the idea of god. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_The_Universe_with_Stephen_Hawking So if he doesn't believe in God, and he's one of the smartest living people on Earth, then why should I believe in God? How can I be so sure?
The fact is that I'm not so sure. I know that God will prove himself to me. I see the joy that God gives me in my beautiful wife. I see the joy God gives me in expecting our first son. I see the joy God gives me in seeing the sun rise every morning. I see the stars and imagine the universe and all the planetary systems. I imagine standing on top of Santa Fe Baldy, or Sandia Peak. I imagine fishing in the Pecos wilderness. I imagine people helping other people in need. I imagine love. The complexity of the human brain. Is the human brain the most complex thing in the universe? It might be.
And why I believe is because I have joy. God brings me joy. I don't feel empty. I fill full of joy! My belief isn't popular. I'm sure people already think less of me just because I'm publishing this blog post. I don't care. What I get in return is far better. I have a community of Christian brothers and sisters who care about me enough to ask me how my week was. That means so much! Just that little amount of effort.
I want to know more. I want to study. God gave me this brain so that I can search and not follow. I'm not just going to be a flimsy Christian. I'm going to be strong. I'm going to know my stuff. If I find something along the way that I think is not right, then I won't be a Christian anymore. The whole Christian story sounds so absurd. But is it so absurd? Did Christ rise from the dead? Well, if he didn't then I have no reason to believe.
Here's a random Coldplay music video. This has some significance in my life, negative significance. But I have the ability to remove the negative significance and replace it with positive significance. This morning I heard on the radio that someone thought of this song as a love song from God to humans. It means so much more if you think about it that way. Sure, our relationships with other humans mean so much to us, but our relationship with God is exponentially greater. He loves us like we love our wives or husbands. The love He has for us is more though. Think of infinity, then think of love. Haha! It sounds dumb, but that's what I do. God has an infinite amount of love for me. And if I find God to be true, then that love is real, and it feels good to know that.
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