Gums

Dude, my gums hurt. Dental health. I've gotta floss more. That's what I'm thinking about right now. I've been thinking about how flipping dumb politics are in our country. It's like rooting for a football team. I wish I could just not care about politics, but I know how important it is to be involved. I listen to a conservative talk show host as well as a liberal talk show host. They're both just so angry. They don't pay attention to real issues and just follow along with what they're supposed to think as a republican or as a democrat.
I really don't identify with either. I'm a Christian and that shouldn't play a role in what party I choose, but in America if you're a Christian then you're a republican. That's how it seems anyway. I don't want to be a republican. I hate the way Republican's view social programs. So I'm just a dude who really has no political voice in this country.

I'm still developing views on the really heavy issues. I think I will always have an evolving view. And I don't want my political views to ever cloud my priorities.

I'm Done With My Smartphone Fast

I'm not going to lie, I do enjoy me some technology. I guess it all started when I was in high school and my dad bought me my own computer.

It was used and kinda crappy, but I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I'm guessing it probably boasted 64mb of ram or less, maybe a 133 MHz processor and Windows 95. I used Netzero and when anyone called our house the line was sure to be busy. I think at the time Netzero only allowed like 20 hours of internet a month...something like that. So there were other free internet providers out there that I would use. After persistent begging, I even got my mom to sign us up for AOL. No banners and unlimited internet. It was the coolest.

So that was a brief history of my enjoyment of technology. It continues today. My current computer is much better than what I was using in 1998, but still obsolete in today's standard. It's a refurb HP I got from New Egg for $100... yeah, my computer was $100. Not bad for the specs I'm running. 3.2 GHz dual core Intel Pentium 4, 2 GB RAM, a 40 GB hard drive (2 TB external) and running Ubuntu 12.04. My video is too crappy to run Google Earth, but it definitely gets the job done in web browsing and...web browsing. And, for $100. So I'm happy.

I've been kinda obsessing about other computers though. Well, it's more of lusting. One computer I can't get off my mind is the iMac. Millions of other people who have much more wealth or much more debt than I already own this beast. Macs aren't beasts on the spec sheet but they definitely get the job done in real world situations. I would like to say that video editors and musicians are mostly just trendy folk, but I think that there are real benefits to OSX and the reliability of a company who assembles the hardware that there software is installed on. So, I'll probably continue dreaming about a Mac, and I'll probably never pull the trigger because the "bang" does not justify the "buck". Also, if I snort the Mac cocaine, then I'm afraid I'll be one of those Prius driving skiers with apple stickers slapped all over my car. I think the world can use less "smug".

The other computer I've been dreaming of and probably will never get is the Chromebook Pixel. This thing is pretty! Dat display!!! Macs cleverly named and catchy Retina Display's got nothing on this. Full aluminum body and Chrome OS. Chrome OS has definitely got its limits, but if you use all of the Google services then it will do just fine. The price tag is steep still. Less than a Mac Book Pro...but not by much.

Something a bit more reasonable is the HP Chromebook 11. It's $279 and it's got a good design. Specs are okay...not a gaming machine, but it's good for what I (and pretty much everyone else in America) do...web browse. So Google for the win in my opinion. Windows crashes and is buggy and gets viruses, Mac is forbidden from the peons and Google just gets it. I'll never be able to sync my iPod with 160 GB of music, but I'll never need to when I have Google music.

P.S. I'm done with my smartphone fast.

Jeremy is My Buddy

I had a thought for a story when I was driving home form work yesterday. My car is so messy. There is trash, old Tupperware bowls and even a banana peel laying around. It's downright gross. Then I thought it would be funny if life could evolve on its own with only the materials in my disgusting car. Then I thought how funny it would be if evolution could be accelerated and before I knew it, there was a little ape man living in my car. I would keep this a secret from Lindsey and everyone else of course. The little ape man would have an honorary little 'tude. He'd probably like me, but he would play pranks on me like cover my eyes when I'm driving to work, or give me wet willies when I'm not expecting it. I think I would probably call him Jeremy. Jeremy and I would have adventures on my commute.

I've been physically, and mentally drained and spiritually I've been running on empty. Dag nab it! Life can become overwhelming. At this very moment, Luke is waking up from his nap. Sometimes I just want to have all my ducks in a row and I want to have a few minutes to think that I don't have to worry about anything. That water bill or that smartphone that takes up too much of my time.

Whew... it seems that Luke is gonna nap for a few more minutes.

Our house is slowly being overtaken by weeds. It's insane that weeds grow so well in the desert but it takes 4 trillion gallons of water to keep a lawn semi-green. Today, I was thinking about how I hate Albuquerque and New Mexico. Hate is a strong word. I guess I just need something new. I hate that people from this state fall into the same ol', same ol'. Same baby daddy, same drug, same shot of whiskey. Have you driven west on Central? Have you driven east on Central? It's probably one of the ugliest streets in America. I'm trying to be nice. And it does make me sad, because this is home. I'm from New Mexico and I do love it. The culture makes us unique, but it also makes me hate living here. I'm tired of being afraid that I'll be t-boned by some muchasmo, dumb ass who has some weird idea that he has to be a man by driving 3,000 km/h. Slow the EFFFFFF down you asshole! Learn how to handle a four-way-stop. Four-way-stop doesn't mean four-way-coast. Learn what that word yield means written on that upside down triangle. It doesn't mean drag race your stupid Dodge/Ford/Chevy/GMC pick-up.

I guess this is a venting blog. I need it. I'm sick and tired of Albuquerque. I'm sick and tired of New Mexico. And I'm sick and tired of America. Get over yourself, America. Republicans suck. Democrats suck. If you really are a "Christian Nation" then look to your Savior. He said to love your neighbor. Churches have become corporations with tax breaks. Shame on you Calvary. Shame on you Mars Hill. Mega churches bring some good, but it's an elite club where people go to drink coffee and feel all cozy about themselves. There are real people out there hurting and you're selling your next book. I'm the biggest hypocrite. What am I doing for hurting people? Well, maybe I'm a hurting person.

I think I need to get out. I need to get away from it all. I need to meditate in the forest.

Something I just Read

Galatians 2:15-21 NASB

"We are Jews by nature and not sinners from among the Gentiles; nevertheless knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the Law but through faith in Christ Jesus, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the Law; since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified. But if, while seeking to be justified in Christ, we ourselves have also been found sinners, is Christ then a minister of sin? May it never be! For if I rebuild what I have once destroyed, I prove myself to be a transgressor. For through the Law I died to the Law, so that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly."

I had to read this a few times. It defines Christ to me. Humans will try and try to be good on our own. But every time we fail. This is proven by the world we live in. I really want to read this a thousand more times to let it sink in. I'd write more on this if I didn't have to get back to work. What do you think about this?

By Your Grace...

I have a "heavy" heart today and I have no idea why.

I'm excited though because I have some extra time from work. I can sit in this giant hallway and think. I feel like I'm working all the time and I'm only going to work more next week.

Work has made life become boring. I'm here all the dang time. I want more time with Luke and more time with Lindsey. That's life though. And I'm enjoying the time I have with my family, I just want more time.

So I'm listening to The Modern Post right now. It's kinda crazy how Dustin Kensrue moved from being the singer in Thrice to a worship leader in a church. I didn't see that coming.

Religion is a crazy thing. I think about it all the time. Maybe that's why my heart is "heavy". It's not because the Yankees are struggling to get into the playoffs. My life so far has been a not-so-spiritual experience. This sounds weird coming from a person who claims to be a Christian. Sure, I feel God's presence sometimes...but not like others claim, I guess. I become emotional when I listen and sing the words to old hymns. I still wouldn't consider myself that "spiritual". Does that make me a bad Christian? Maybe.

I also feel like sometimes I'm alone. I try to get along with people and I try to make friends. I think I'm awkward in social situations. That's probably why I'm a social media whore. I'm sure people don't want to know what's going on in Zo's head. I'll write it down anyway. People especially don't want to know about my spiritual journey. Is it weird to people I've known in the past to know that I love God? I'll bet. Zo's a dumbass! "God's fake." I can't say that! Sometimes I wish I could. God goes against a lot of rational thinking. But I still have faith. I still believe that God created the Universe. And that God loves me. How stupid is Zo for believing this?! A huge idiot, right?

Well, if you're still reading this, then I'm sorry. Zo isn't who you thought he was. Zo talks in third person apparently. Anyway. Moving on. Life is here.

Just Sayin

Is the idea of God so far fetched? I'm pondering these things like I always do. I'm talking about God. Yahweh. Jehovah. The one who was, who is and who will always be. The Alpha and the Omega. I ask myself if I'm believing a lie all the time. And every time the answer is "no". I'm not. It's not like I want to disprove God, it's more like if there is a way to disprove God, then I'll find out how that can be done. I also find that when I am looking for ways to prove He isn't there that I'm drawn closer to who He is. I also don't want to believe blindly. I think that's the worst way to believe.

So I'll continue to seek... Sometimes I ask the difficult questions. What if God was made up? God was used to force the believing population to be governed. This doesn't make sense to me because the ancient Israelites didn't listen, they didn't cooperate.

There are a lot of cases that will rise up as "proof" that God doesn't exist. Pain is one. If God exists, then why are there Syrians dying the way they did? Children suffering. I've seen the images and they broke my heart. Why didn't God save the innocent? These questions are hard to answer and I don't know.

But can anyone prove God? I think that we can make a great case. Most of my "proof" is in nature though. I see these mountains and I see God. Sure, they were formed over billions of years of the Earth's natural formation process. We have evidence as to how the mountains were formed. But what moved those forces? What caused the Earth's plates to move? Natural laws are just that...laws. How can a law exist if there was no law maker in the first place? These are the questions I ask.

There is something that is more real to me than the Manzano mountains though. The biggest thing that points to God to me is Love. What's love? It's not like gravity or light that it can be explained by some some equation. Love is real. Why does Love exist? Preservation? Does it make evolutionarily sense to love? Love is deeper though. I love Lindsey, I love Luke. There's more. I don't know everything and I really don't know anything. I do know that I want to know more. I want to know God more. I also don't think having faith means that I'm weak. I felt that way sometimes.

It's sometimes difficult being a Christian in the United States. I feel like Americans root for Christianity like they would root for their football team. They don't question why they claim to be Christians. They brag to the rest of the world that their team is winning. Being american means being Christian. And somehow that means you vote republican, love american trucks and love guns. When did being an advocate of guns and Republicans become a prerequisite to being a Christian? So, I have a ton more questions. I'll write them down...

Dry Desert; 4

So the journey begins. At this point it's like nothing existed before. Nothing except my love for Jack and Holly. My life is just beginning. With Holly's necklace clutched in my fist, I have to push forward.

The acid rain pounding on my back as I'm kneeling down, I find motivation. I should be thinking about my lungs that are in pain, or the stabbing feeling I have in my stomach from not eating in days. I'm not. Jack and Holly are my oxygen. They're all I care about now.

Movement is all I can think about at this point. The sooner I can start moving the sooner I can see them. The military took them somewhere safe I hope. I'm thinking they're in some bunker somewhere. There's really no way in telling though. They could be anywhere. I'm guessing they didn't tell men because there wasn't enough room for everyone. I don't know that for certain either.

There are some wondering men around Albuquerque. Many of them have gone insane in their loneliness. I think some of them may be in my situation though. I'm beginning to come to my wits though. I could have been one of those insane guys walking up and down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs. The rain helps though. Memories are awakened of me playing in Tiguex Park with my boy and Holly. Afternoon picnics were always fun after Sunday church services. One July I remember it raining almost every say one week. That's a rare occurrence in Albuquerque, even during monsoon season.

So, the next move is on my end. What's my plan of attack? And how do I get there while keeping my sanity. I think first I should find a way to get some food and water in my belly. My physical being can't make it much further.