19 September 2013

By Your Grace...

I have a "heavy" heart today and I have no idea why.

I'm excited though because I have some extra time from work. I can sit in this giant hallway and think. I feel like I'm working all the time and I'm only going to work more next week.

Work has made life become boring. I'm here all the dang time. I want more time with Luke and more time with Lindsey. That's life though. And I'm enjoying the time I have with my family, I just want more time.

So I'm listening to The Modern Post right now. It's kinda crazy how Dustin Kensrue moved from being the singer in Thrice to a worship leader in a church. I didn't see that coming.

Religion is a crazy thing. I think about it all the time. Maybe that's why my heart is "heavy". It's not because the Yankees are struggling to get into the playoffs. My life so far has been a not-so-spiritual experience. This sounds weird coming from a person who claims to be a Christian. Sure, I feel God's presence sometimes...but not like others claim, I guess. I become emotional when I listen and sing the words to old hymns. I still wouldn't consider myself that "spiritual". Does that make me a bad Christian? Maybe.

I also feel like sometimes I'm alone. I try to get along with people and I try to make friends. I think I'm awkward in social situations. That's probably why I'm a social media whore. I'm sure people don't want to know what's going on in Zo's head. I'll write it down anyway. People especially don't want to know about my spiritual journey. Is it weird to people I've known in the past to know that I love God? I'll bet. Zo's a dumbass! "God's fake." I can't say that! Sometimes I wish I could. God goes against a lot of rational thinking. But I still have faith. I still believe that God created the Universe. And that God loves me. How stupid is Zo for believing this?! A huge idiot, right?

Well, if you're still reading this, then I'm sorry. Zo isn't who you thought he was. Zo talks in third person apparently. Anyway. Moving on. Life is here.

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