I'm so tired! My brain doesn't like early mornings. It is now 6:50 PM CST. I awoke from a deep sleep at around 5:03 AM CST. I was supposed to wake up at 4 ************. I didn't. I stayed in bed. I was late to work. It was -5F when I left. I didn't even wash my face, or make coffee, or brush my teeth. These are the worst type of days for me. When I start off the day running late it's extrememly hard for me to get back into a rhythm. This is helping... feeling the keys under my finger tips and the soothing guitar riffs of Mae in my ears, this is nice. I've almost forgotten the panic I was in 14 hours ago. Now I have to do it again tomorrow.
~tangent~ I'm always afraid to give out information in my blog and on facebook status updates as to where I am or where I'll be. I don't know who reads this... I don't want anyone coming to my house and stealing my stuff. Maybe I'll start giving out fake information about my whereabouts. That's the ticket...but still. Why can't we trust anyone in this world? It's really discouraging. So, yeah, crime. While I'm on this topic, I'd like to address one of my biggest fears, being robbed at gunpoint. It's happened to me twice while I worked at Pizza Hut. It's really scary haveing a gun pointed in your face. I know that most of the time the crook will not kill me, but still, most of the time isn't good enough odds for me. So, sometimes I think about the chances of my Starbucks store in Columbia being robbed. Yuck! The other day a man came in with a ski mask on and he was walking really fast. He scared the heck out of me. But he was just cold and needed to warm his face, and I'm not too sure why he was walking fast. So, yeah. ~end of tangent~
My head hurts. I'm tired. Life isn't clear to me. Why don't I understand everything in the world? Frustration! I just want to understand. I just want to be happy. How can I be happy when I know there are millions of people suffering? Man, the world is tough! I wish I was an awesome guitar player, then at least I could transport to a different spot every once in a while. Or pianist. I love hearing the piano. It's the most amazing instrument I think, when it's played right.
Things I would like to accomplish in the near future:
Make certain that Lindsey knows that I love her with all my being
Not be a dummy
Go to Portland to visit Lindsey's grandfather
Go to New York to visit Sean
Go to New Mexico to hug my parents and brothers and have a beer with Jon and Joe
Go to Saint Louis
...pay some bills
Find a real job
Start a ska band
Find people that are willing to hang out with me here in Missouri
I think I know how to transport to that other not suffering world, find random facts about different states and different countries. Facts that don't involve deaths of people. Yeah, by the way, why does every cover photo of The New York Times have a picture of killing and pain and hunger? Why can't they just have a picture of the Empire State Building, or Niagra Falls? Why can't they show some people who are doing good things? Ugh...I'm done I promise.
I want to see a live show soon. It's been too long since the last show. I want to see if Mae is touring. I know The Avett Brothers are coming to Columbia in March. If we're not in some other city I'd like to go to that show.
I'm done with this post. I just had to vent. I think my mind is wondering what to do with itself. I'm not in school. I'm in a strange land (Missouri). And I'm married. Whoa! Lot's of things I'm not used to. My mind will adjust. I'm going to make an effort to not waste. I'm going to make an effort to help others. I'm going to make an effort to give... World Vision