29 August 2015


It's Saturday! I should be lesson planning. Well, there's always Sunday. Besides, it's been a long week. Saturday is for recoup.

This morning we went to a health screening for my dang health insurance. They say that I'll get a discount because...


The last two paragraphs were written several hours ago. I'm continuing the same writing now. I'm in my "office" at home reflecting on the day. It's definitely been a day. Lots of questions asked today. Questions about my life. Faith. Parenting. Teaching. Marriage. Questions that can't be immediately answered. I know that anything that's worth anything takes time. It takes patience. It takes diligence. It takes steadfastness. It takes practice. It requires tenacity. Giving up can't be an option. I'm thinking of all the cheesy motivational posters... But, it's true. I have to hang on even when things become challenging. I have to push on. Parenting is hard. Marriage is hard. I'm finding out that teaching is hard. Being a damn human is hard! It's also rewarding. But, that's not why we're in this--for the rewards. I don't think you can be. Rewards don't come along very often. I mean, maybe they do for some. My kids are here every day. Are they a reward? A reward is something that is earned, I think. I don't think I earned my kids.

My kids are amazing and I love them with all my heart. They are a gift. They give me joy. They also bring me frustration. Especially my 3 year old. I love this little boy to pieces. He's just so damn strong willed and stubborn. Potty training is pure heck for us. He's smart enough to go potty on his own. I've seen him do it. He just doesn't want to. It's hard! And extremely frustrating! He's like a ticking time-bomb. Any little thing can set him off. It can be something as simple as asking him if he wants a snack. Or giving him something to drink. I hand him a toy the wrong way. I walk across the room in a way that isn't pleasing to him. I think that's just him being a normal preschooler.

My boy loves me back, though. And that just makes my heart melt. One time, we went to the zoo and as we were leaving, I was carrying him on my shoulders. Randomly, he just said, "I love you, Dada". It wasn't prompted. I didn't have to ask him. I didn't tell him I loved him first. We were just walking in the parking lot and he was on my shoulders... "I love you, Dada". I responded, "I love you too, Buddy".

A reward? I don't know.

Christianity teaches to be selfless. To do things because of love.

It's difficult to do, sometimes. I mean, all the time.

So, press on. Never give up. Love. I'm working on it. Frustrations are there. Frustrations with marriage. Frustrations with parenting. Frustrations with work.

Christianity also teaches humility. Man, I thought I had this down. But the second you think you're humble, you're not. How funny. I am full of pride. This very moment.
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