28 December 2009

Madness

Ever feel really alone, while being around a bunch of people? That's how I feel right now. I'm in the computer lab inside the Moberly library. I feel really alone right now for some reason. Well, sometimes when I'm at home alone for a long period of time I start thinking about some wild questions that will never be answered for me... I decided to walk to the library after I read a few pages of The Giver. I wanted to read in a not-so-depressing environment. I get serious cabin fever when I'm home alone with nothing to do. I used to get this feeling a lot when I lived by myself on High St. in Albuquerque. If only I was a coffee lover then, I probably would have spent much more time in Flying Star, or Winning, or even Starbucks. In Moberly we have no such coffee shops. The closest cool coffee shops are a forty minute drive away in Columbia. So I decided to walk to the library. I think way to much. I sometimes think that I'm not good enough... good enough to be married to a wonderful person. And other things. I like to try and improve myself by reading things. I think if I fill my brain with interesting things then I will be more interesting. I also ask many, many questions. God questions. Human questions. The cold weather doesn't help. It's dark, and cold here. It's probably the same in Albuquerque, but I can't call Joe and see if he wants to grab a pint with me.

These questions hang...unanswered. I don't even know if they're meant to be answered. I just wonder what's going on in my brain... what are these chemicals that are mixing and making me feel the way I do. Ugh...

So, I had this idea that I would type my blogs on my typewritter and then scan them and post them that way. Now it doesn't sound as interesting as when I thought about it. I'll probably post the two blogs (or journal entries) that I already wrote, but I don't think I'll do it a lot.

I really can't wait to get our computer back, and the internet! People in this lab are always talking really loud, or answering their cell phones, or just making noise. There are signs that say, "NO CELLPHONE use in THIS AREA. Make/Take calls in the lobby". I follow these rules, but everyone else has a hard time obeying. Also, the computers all have a really old version of Internet Explorer. It's seriously annoying.

So, I think I'm going to go back to feeling sorry for myself. First though I'm going to look at some New Mexico news websites. I want to find out what's going on back home. It's weird that I'm the one that's saying "back home". I usually hear other people say it, but I'm never the one to say it...
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Clouds

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