Pleased

New journal post. I was trying to remember all of the things I have to do. I feel like there's more... I guess not.

There's a lot going on. At least it feels that way. My mind needs to settle down. I need to relax. I need to remember the important things.

What are the important things to me? I know I've been saying that my faith is important. It is. My faith is really important. For the longest time, I've been walking around doubting everything, sweating details. I think I just want peace. I think that the gospel is making sense to me. -- Even using that word "gospel" makes me feel uneasy. I feel like the gospel as I've known is different than that the gospel is that I'm learning.

I'm trying to make sense of what it means to be a child of God. To be the bride of Christ. There's metaphors that help me understand. It makes sense though. Jesus loves me, like I love my wife. Or he loves me like I love my kids. I know my marriage isn't perfect. It's far from perfect, so the kids metaphor works a little better for me. That, by itself tells me I have work to do. I need to love my wife. I need to work on that. Kids. I love my kids. They make me smile.

And I can understand that metaphor. When Jesus things about me, he's pleased. Just like when I think about Juliette. I'm pleased. Her little self just brings me joy.

Thinking about that... I was remembering what our marriage counselor told me. I am the type of person that is searching for validation. I need it. When I do something around the house, I look to my wife to tell me that I did a good job. If I don't get that affirmation, I feel like I don't have worth. When she tells me I did a good job, I feel very valuable. It's good. Where I've been messing up is depending on my wife to give me that validation. I mean, my wife knows that I need that, and she does validate me. But, she can't keep up with me all the time. And, she's not a mind-reader. She can't know when I need that validation.

What's cool, though, is that I can remember that I am a child of God. God loves me like I'm his child, and he cares about me like I care about Luke, or about Riley, or about Juliette. When they do something good, I'm pleased. They make me proud all the time. I make God proud. I'm trying to embrace that more and more.

There are other things I want to work out in my own thinking. Things that are small. Details that are just fun to think about. The big thing is knowing what love is. I don't know entirely, but I do know that love is in the universe. Love is God. Jesus experienced death/sin for me. Because he loves me. So yeah, I'll leave it there.

Thinking more.