Dry Desert; 4

So the journey begins. At this point it's like nothing existed before. Nothing except my love for Jack and Holly. My life is just beginning. With Holly's necklace clutched in my fist, I have to push forward.

The acid rain pounding on my back as I'm kneeling down, I find motivation. I should be thinking about my lungs that are in pain, or the stabbing feeling I have in my stomach from not eating in days. I'm not. Jack and Holly are my oxygen. They're all I care about now.

Movement is all I can think about at this point. The sooner I can start moving the sooner I can see them. The military took them somewhere safe I hope. I'm thinking they're in some bunker somewhere. There's really no way in telling though. They could be anywhere. I'm guessing they didn't tell men because there wasn't enough room for everyone. I don't know that for certain either.

There are some wondering men around Albuquerque. Many of them have gone insane in their loneliness. I think some of them may be in my situation though. I'm beginning to come to my wits though. I could have been one of those insane guys walking up and down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs. The rain helps though. Memories are awakened of me playing in Tiguex Park with my boy and Holly. Afternoon picnics were always fun after Sunday church services. One July I remember it raining almost every say one week. That's a rare occurrence in Albuquerque, even during monsoon season.

So, the next move is on my end. What's my plan of attack? And how do I get there while keeping my sanity. I think first I should find a way to get some food and water in my belly. My physical being can't make it much further.

Love

Laying in the bed by myself sucks. Married for almost five years and this is only the second time I've gone to sleep without my Love. It's difficult...I'm not gonna lie. I did my fair share of laying by myself before I was married. I'll admit though that at this point in time it may be healthy. Lindsey is at a women's retreat with her good friend, Jenna. Marriage is something that I don't pretend to understand. I think that a lot of people don't understand marriage, thus the astronomical divorce rate. Marriage is about love. I think sacrifice comes in a close second however. Yes, I love my wife...with all my heart. Sacrifice is what we're still getting used to. At least I am. My life has completely changed in the past five years.

Who was I five years ago? Well, I was still Lorenzo. College going, beer drinking, karaoke singing. Seeking... I was seeking God. I was seeking love. We're all seeking love. I think humans need love to survive more than we need oxygen and water. Not just anyone can provide that love. I need to be loved and I need to love. I love Luke. He's my boy. And I didn't pick who he is. He came like he is. And I love him. My love for Luke and the love that Lindsey and I have, I think, are a metaphor for the love of God.

"Luke, don't put that in your mouth, that'll hurt you." There are plenty of things that Luke wants to do that I won't let him do because I know what's best for him. Yet Luke gets angry. He'll throw a fit. I don't care, I'm his dad and I know best.

So here I am. Laying by myself. Luke's in a crib next to me. Life is about this. Life is about love. Life's about trying to keep the love in our lives. Just like our lungs strain for oxygen, our hearts long for that love. Love of God. Love of our spouse. Love of our children.

Just In Thought

It's funny. I had a lit of things on my mind just now and the second I open my blog app I forget everything. I think this happens to me often.

So life. What a crazy thing. So much is happening. I was thinking about the universe the other day. Maybe it's because of all the Star Trek: the Next Generation I've been watching with Lindsey. I was thinking about how huge Earth is in comparison to me. I could stand to lose some weight, but still I'm so incredibly small. The Earth, huge to me, is so small in comparison to our expanding universe. How are we safe? There are dangers being hurled all over the place. The Sun is dangerous. Meteors. Can we predict our safety? Is the universe predictable or unpredictable? My mind is stretched. I'm a man of faith, so I have faith that God has everything in control. But sometimes I wonder.

And I'm so small and my son is even smaller than I, but Luke is so huge to me. He's such a little guy but he's the Universe to Lindsey and I.

I'm just pondering things. Thinking about all of these things take me away. I stress out about things. Thinks like bills. Things like my job. Jesus said not to worry about these petty things. He said that he cares about he flowers and the birds and that they don't worry, yet look how beautiful and carefree they are (I'm paraphrasing). Man. Thinking about how God put this ever expanding universe in motion and he cares for me pretty much blows my mind.
This morning I met with some guys from our church. We read some Proverbs. It was real nice to hang out with them. We also spoke about David and Solomon. Heroes of the Bible yet full of flaws. Dang! We talked about how David lusted after Bathsheba then killed her husband just so he could get a piece of her. And he's a Bible hero. Solomon too. Conqubines and wives. God's love. God is love. I'm just in thought today...