I Don't Want Any Part of Jesus

I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. I claim to be a holy guy by professing that I'm a Christian. I'm not so holy. I'm a jerk. I drank 3 rum drinks last night while watching Game of Thrones. Not very "Christian" of me. Does my faith bring me guilt? Yeah. A lot. I'm guilty. I've sinned. What's the whole purpose of sin? I have no idea. I'm not even going to begin to tackle that question. I'm too hungover.

So, whatever. I'll probably think about these things later. I just finished a paper for a class I'm taking. We're talking about marketing, the 3 Ps and making a marketing plan. Fun stuff. I enjoy thinking about this garbage.

I was going to talk about faith...like I always do. Faith's on my mind a lot. Like all the time. Here's some bullshit--we're born with our faith. If you're born a Mormon, then you'll be a Mormon in most cases. If you're born into Islam, then you're Muslim. If you're born into Scientology...well, that just sucks. But, you get my point. You're not going to think too much of your faith. It's true, as far as you're concerned. Just like you believe your mom when she says not to touch the furnace because it's hot, you believe that Jesus died for your sins.

That's me.

I believe what my mom told me. She said that Jesus loves me. She said that I sin and so does everyone else. She said that Jesus has grace and he still loves me and wants to be my best friend.

I believed her.

I still believe her.

I'm starting to think, though. For all my life, including now, my faith has been completely blind. My faith has not been my own. My faith is just what I was born with.

I don't want that to be... I want to seriously question God. I want to know who Jesus is and I don't want my belief to be empty. Dang it, I want my faith to be real, to be mine!

If Jesus turns out to be an imaginary guy, then I don't want any part of Jesus. I want to know for myself, though. Blind faith bothers me because if you have blind faith then your faith means nothing. This is one of my biggest complaints about the USA.

Happy 4th.

I'll have to complain about my country later because my boy just woke up from his nap.